There are steps! FUCKING STEPS to getting suckers like me to buy the same game again. Especially this generation. The first step is to REMASTER THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF IT. That basically means make it look pretty. Because people like me are superficial. I don’t even know what 1080p means, can’t tell it from 720p. But I know I need LAST-GEN in 1080p. The second fucking step is to TIE THE REMAKE INTO THE FUCKING FUTURE RELEASES. The people behind Halo: The Collection – Later Bungie, Have Fun In Mediocrity HD; Spartan Collection get this.

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Pretty, pretty, pretty cool. A lot of the news that comes out from Sony and Fox as they try to forge their own Marvel Cinematic Universe has me dismissively yawning like a persnickety bitch. But I can dig this. Deadpool mouthin’ off to Jimmy Mac’s Professor X? Breaking the fourth wall and talking shit about Wolverine? Sounds good.

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Man! I don’t have a fucking record player! Which I know totally cuts me down like three-thousand points in some people’s eyes. SORRY BRO, I’M CYBERNETIC. I LISTEN TO MY DEATH METAL THROUGH A ZUNE I HAVE HAD IMPLANTED IN THE UPPER CORNERS OF MY ANUS. CO-ANUS-IAL CABLE. Oh God I hate myself. What the fuck am I even saying? Uh — right.

Anyways. Mondo is continuing to release dope-ass collectible comic book vinyls, this time with an Awesome Mix.

Hit the jump for the glorious artwork + details.

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No Nicole Brown. No Glover. No Chase. No problem? (What a fucking dumb lead-in.) With or without those talented folk, the sixth season of Community is a-coming. And we now have a (tentative) return date, thanks to the show’s creator.

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I have to believe at this point RDJ is just doing some adorable posturing when it comes to Iron Man 4. Like, sure he runs his mouth, and hints that he’s not sure if it’ll happen. Referencing his age and shit. But as others have rightfully pointed out, I think this can all be translated to “If the money and the script are right.”

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Is this news? Probably fucking not! Am I a Marvel fanboy? Absolutely! And what does that mean? I’M GOING TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT THIS! *Rips off shirt, revealing painting of Kevin Feige on my chest that I cultivated from my own feces.*

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Slam my toe in a fucking door and twist my nips! I need to be calmed down. I was totally already I promise you swear to God swear to the Lords of Kobol going to buy the Guardians of the Galaxy Blu-Ray. But now?! Now The Powers At Marvel have revealed that the disc will come with a fucking exclusive sneak peek at Avengers 2: Stark Done Fucked Up. So sold. Okay, nice. Keep twisting my nips.

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Nice little mash-up right here. Spider-Man going full, “America, Fuck Yeah!” Don’t really know how the shield works in concert with his web-slinging, but whatever. Let Parker figure that one out.

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Can I get a fuck yeah?! It’s Friday! Which means it’s time for many, many things. Provided you are one of us proles blessed (and it is more and more becoming a genuine blessing) with having the weekend off. Drinking! TV binging. Maybe some sexy-sex? Reading, gaming. All sorts of shit! And this is Weekend Open Bar! Where we come together. Pop a soda-beer-bottle-of-wine-whiskey, whatever. Share in the revelry of the next two days.

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Apparently Netflix is getting into the fucking insipid movie business. The company has signed into a four-movie deal with Adam *Reference To A Movie From Years Ago* Sandler. Somewhat more positively, Netflix is giving life to a Crouching Tiger sequel. Which like the world didn’t ever need, but I suppose hey whatever positalk or whatever.

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