Yeah, my title is a bit hyperbolic. Who knows what’s actually going on in this picture.

But!

Marvel’s Shadowland is coming soon, and I have much dong-hurt for it. It’s written by Andy Diggle, the dude who makes Daredevil rock with thunder, and penciled by Billy Tan. This is going to be win. Nice to see someone like Daredevil take the stage for a Marvel event. Fuck, if Geoff Johns can whack off the Flash and Green Lantern repeatedly to much success, why not have a talented writer (Diggle) take a lesser Marvel character and make him a lynchpin in an event?

I absconded to New York this past weekend for the second time in three weeks or so. This is me yawning with a greatness. ‘Twas a good time. My Significant Other and I were fitted into a hotel room suite replete with a kitchen, refridgerator and other fancy stuff. It was fantastic, even if I felt bad at living in such luxury. I’m the guy who feels bad when someone calls him “sir” or carries his bags for him. I want to be like, “Dude, no seriously. I’m a 27 year-old schmuck who lives with his parents and you probably are busting your ass for ungrateful people. Let me carry my own bag.”

As I said though, it was enjoyable. My girlfriend, being infinitely more successful than myself despite being 4.5 years my younger, is a tough one to corral for a day alone. Her schedule is voluminous and her drive remarkable, and I’m just a guy reading books. So being able to get away with her, even to the noise and din of New York City was great.

I tried my best to not hyperventilate over all the school work I wasn’t getting done while I was there. When I closed my eyes I saw syllabuses not being completed. I could hear the crackle of pages not being turned. Grad school. It’s turning out to be a real son of a bitch.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

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Yo! EA Games and Visceral, I’m a big fan of Dead Space. Huge fan. One of my favorite games of the generation. So feel free to send me shit like this:

via destructoid:

Reader Brian Hackney gets some weird stuff in his mail. He just shot over to us some strange Dead Space 2 material that showed up in his real-life inbox the other day. The documents include notes from a doctor who seems to be taking care of someone who is undergoing transformation into a Necromorph, a Rorschach test and an envelope with a stain on it that resembles the silhouette of a man.

Sounds pretty fucking rad and creepy. The day I begin receiving mysterious viral packages from gaming companies is the day I’ll consider myself a success. Until then, feel free to mail me your video game accessories and pictures of Christina Hendricks.

I had heard about this project some time ago, but it looks like it’s finally going to see the light of day. Mike Patton’s Mondo Cane (due out May 4th) is an Italian language release, in which the singer is backed up by a forty-piece orchestra. Just when ya think the dude can’t do anything crazier, he goes and proves ya wrong!

Check out a live rendition of Il Cielo in Una Stanza:

I love beer.

There is something about the experience of drinking a beer that is quite unlike anything else I’ve experienced on this planet. A beer is cool, carbonated, slightly bitter and yet still palatable. It raises spirits in a way that other beverages just can’t. I’m no stranger to caffeine-binges, but there’s no way that those drinks outclass beer. They just don’t. Non-negotiable.

And, of course, beer should be praised for its alcoholic properties. There’s nothing wrong with catching a bit of a buzz after drinking a few beers; as long as you’re not an asshole about it, that is. No one likes a belligerent drunk and no one wants to be around someone who’s a threat to their safety, but there’s nothing wrong with sitting on a couch and riding out a buzz.

With that being said, drunkenness is the last thing on my mind when I crack open a beer. If I happen to become a bit inebriated, great! If not, that’s fine too! The bottom line is that my love for beer is deeper than its ability to alter my perceptions. Again, at the risk of redundancy, it is the beer experience that I enjoy. The taste itself, the camaraderie generated from sharing a beer with a friend, the process of picking out a brew — these are things that make this class of beverage so damn worthwhile.

So it is with this sense of multi-pronged appreciation that I approach this edition of the Friday Brew Review. Truthfully, I’m finally getting over what was undoubtedly the worst illness I’ve had in years, perhaps ever. And although I’ve made no qualms about drinking while sick in the past, I don’t want to curb my recovery. Ain’t no way they’re sending me back to the clink!

This week, I’m sipping on O’Doul’s Amber.

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Spoilers Ahead. Forreal.

This week’s top comic came down to two serious contenders. One of them was more of a fantasy-based, all-ages type deal. The second was the comics equivalent of a hard PG-13, a book with superheroes who aren’t afraid to fuck shit up. And while both were worthy adversaries, one got the definite edge after displaying supreme excellence in the squared circle. So if you can afford two comics this week, make sure you pick up Joe the Barbarian #4.

But if you’ve only got enough pennies for one cartoon-book, make your choice Ultimate Avengers #6.

Millar and Pacheco bring the first arc of Ultimate Avengers to an ending that is equal parts shocking and appropriate. Taking place in the Ultimate Universe of Marvel Comics, Captain America has spent the first five issues evading capture at the hands of his friends. Why’re the Avengers hunting down Steve Rogers? Well, he just found out that the Red Skull is his son and they’re worried that he’s going to go loco. With good reason.

Of course, this issue sees Captain America and the Red Skull finally going toe-to-toe. But before this battle can occur, the requisite Pre-Final-Confrontation Confrontation has to go down. And it does. We get to see the Red Skull, wielding the fucking Cosmic Cube, dispatch each member of the Avengers. It’s an epic buildup, a suitable appetizer to the main course for which we’ve all been starving!

That isn’t to say that there aren’t some great moments in this melee as well. One highlight is seeing the cowardly Nerd Hulk finally being worked up into throwing down. Sick of the Red Skull’s hurtful words, this Banner-clone lunges into the conflict and screams,

STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT! STOP PUTTING ME DOWN!

It’s a great moment.

As you can guess, this only leads to the final battle. I won’t spoil too much, but you can rest assured that Steve Rogers wins. And since this is a Mark Millar book, he wins in quite a crafty and violent manner. Ok, here’s a hint: It involves impalement. Alright, one more hint: It involves a fighter jet. In other words, mission accomplished.

But what I really love about this issue of Ultimate Avengers is that it cleans up enough of the first storyline while leaving more than enough breathing room for the next. After delivering a sincere declaration that all he ever wanted was a happy ending, Red Skull is laid to rest by Red Wasp via bullet to the head. Nick Fury and Gregory Stark have a heart-to-heart in which it is revealed that Red Skull may have been purposely lured out of retirement. The reason? To justify the necessity of a Black Ops squad led by Fury. And lastly, we’ve still got all of the members of the Avengers alive and accounted for (clearly Jeph Loeb didn’t write this shit).

Ultimate Avengers #6 is a joyride of a comic book. If you haven’t read any of the previous issues, I’d say either hunt them down or wait for the trade paperback. But you’re going to want to hop on board for Ultimate Avengers 2, which starts at the end of this month. In addition to being penciled by the lovely Leinil Yu, the first cover features Frank Castle. The goddamn Punisher!

Ahh, I love comics so damn much!

This shit is righteous. If you haven’t been able to figure out my insane ass-crush on Tony Stark, RDJ, and the Man of Iron, you haven’t been paying attention. This remix of the trailers have my pale, pasty, cottage-cheese ass booty poppin’. Here’s the full-scoop:

via slashfilm:

San Francisco-based audio/video mash-up artist/performer Mike Relm has created a cool remix of the Iron Man 2 trailer. Director Jon Favreau saw it and even showed it to the Paramount marketing department.

[click for entire screencap]

This is completely and utterly from my friend Tommy Rock. He’s awesome, and this is interesting to me. I also hope it’s proof that I continue to love this show with an unflagging passion, despite it continuing to storm into the house during dinner, slap my face, and then flip the plate of mashed potatoes onto the floor screaming they’re cold and need more milk:

via the rocking tommy:

Remember that shit I said about Jack’s neck being cut in “LA X” and used that as evidence that whatever happened to split the timelines hasn’t actually happened yet? Well, check out this homoerotic screencap I took after Jack and MiB almost got smoked (HAR HAR HAR) by one of Widmore’s explosions. Cut neck, just like in… “LA X”.

For the record, I’m not any less pissed or bitter.

I’ve been so blind with rage lately, I really haven’t stopped to consider the mysteries or puzzles. Maybe I need to rewatch these shitbombs after the rage dies down and actually look for stuff. Or maybe they could just not suck and stop sending me into insanity.

…Yeah, this thing is a) excessive b) ridiculous and c) amazing. The problem is that every Halo game has done less and less for me. I’ll give ODST double-daps for having an engaging narrative, but…I don’t know. I’m skeptical. Let’s put it that way. I’ll buy the game, albeit not this edition. But to spend $150 for the luxurious edition of a game that could be very well “meh”, seems a bit insane.

via kotaku:

With a price of $149.99, the Halo Reach Legendary Edition is one of the pricier collector’s editions we’ve seen, but it certainly isn’t without reason. There’s not mini-plastic cat helmet inside this box. Instead, Bungie commissioned McFarlane Toys to create a 10 inch tall, 10 pound diorama statue featuring the members of Noble Team, the stars of the game.

As if that weren’t enough, the Legendary Edition also comes with a flaming Spartan helmet for multiplayer, as well as all of the contents of the Limited Edition, all packed inside a striking UNSC-themed custom box.

I’m sure when I buy the Mass Effect 3: Erotica Edition that features “Simulated underwear worn by Yeoman Chambers during glorious, glorious, finally achieved sex with female Shepard”, you’ll be able to say the same thing to me.

Oh no.

Oh nooooooo.

What the fuck is this giggly shitfest that has besmirched one of my favorite shows of all time? Or uh, what could have been one of my favorite shows of all time. There was a silly, dastardly period of my life when I was concerned that LOST could usurp my previous binky for favorite show of all time. I’d have to do deep soul-searching and come to the recognition that LOST was simply superior, and therefore I would have to accept it as my number one viewing experience.

Thankfully, Damon Lindelof, Carlton Cuse, and whatever sort of sugary assholes they’ve holed up in the conference room while barfing out these last few episodes have taken that worry away from me.

I’ll always love you, Billy Adama. I’m sorry I ever thought I’d have to leave you.

Do you guys know how fucking powerful love is? Yeah, well guess what, you’re about to find out! Christ, it has all sorts of magical powers. Maybe the Island is just a big consummation of Zeus’ love for Hera or some shit. Fuck the Island man, love is totally going to save the day. I mean, check it out, it solves aphasia!

Oh, no. I hope those of you who thought that Sun’s inability to speak the English language was some sort of awesome plot-point could settle for her reunion with Jin.

I was actually feeling Sun and Jin’s reunion. Don’t mistake me for some scabby, jaded asshole. I’m actually a weepy mess. I cry every time I hear Aeris’ theme, every time I watch the Lion King, and sometimes while marveling at the ineffable complexity and beauty of the universe.

Do you know what I do when Jin and Sun embrace? I get a little tingle. Do you know what I do when Lapidus comments after Sun talks that it “Looks like someone got their voice back”? I puke all over myself while clutching my skull with both hands and hope I’m in some Transdimensional Universe where the writers from LOST have been replaced by Lifetime Movie Special assholes.

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