[via: oh have you seen this?!]

Some peep or group of peeps went through the trouble of animating a stop motion paper Mario running around a classroom for all of our enjoyment. No, seriously. It’s amazing. Old school Mario + nostalgia + talented geeks = community win!

Bonzai, motherfucker!

The mothership has connected, welcome aboard! You’re floating on the funktastic bubblepop fantasia known as Galaxy Omega. Here on Omega we got some rules we abide by: love shit, funk out, if you got a booty pop it. And trust me, we all got booties worthy of poppin’.

With a little bass groove, ain’t no thang. Ain’t no troubles. Slide them beautiful fingers along the frets, ya’ll. Smile. Here on the mothership we eat ice cream and occasionally spit out soda in the middle of uncontrollable laughter. We also give up the funk.

One time, and we don’t speak of it often, a fight broke out on Planet Omega. It was settled within the hour. Decided by Mario Kart 64, Special Cup. Whoever took the most points at the end of the circuit was decidedly in the correct. We also don’t speak of how the piece of shit blue shells in the middle of the deciding bout almost started another fight. We mustn’t mention that. Mother would be mad.

It’s scientifically known that Krang is a fucking bad ass. So when I came across this today at Comics Alliance, I unleashed the secret of the ooze in my pants.

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

COWBOY NINJA VIKING has finally made its triumphant return! I caught wind of this series back in early April and have been eagerly anticipating this sixth issue ever since. Fortunately, the wait has paid off as the comic delivers.

Plot-wise, the reader follows Duncan as he struggles with two different dilemmas. Stemming from the turmoil of daily life, most readers will be able to relate to the first of these predicaments; being torn between two lovers. On one hand, the protagonist is quite interested in Grear as he and her “have industrial amounts of sex that’s like, porn star awesome.” On the other hand, Duncan finds Nix “God-damn alluring in a completely non-threatening manner, which makes [him] incapable of forming coherent thoughts…” With the skill of an excellent TV drama, COWBOY NINJA VIKING takes the reader through the process of selecting a mate.

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Dave Mustaine has got to have a million amazing stories. Unfortunately, he’s got a new best friend that discourages the glorification of senseless mayhem. Not that I’m a fan of it either, but it makes for a good stories. And since Dave Mustaine is one of metal’s most influential figures, a former junkie, a karate kid (see above), and a shit-talker, he’s got to have a few narrative aces up his sleeve.

Luckily, the Internet has all sorts of gems hidden in its crevices. Check out this interview of Dave Mustaine from the early 1990’s.   Highlights include his explanation of the cryogenic chambers from the Hangar 18 video and his referring to a brothel as butt-city.

Also, it’s pretty obvious that he’s hopped up on goofballs.

Variant Covers is the only weekly comic book column to feature headlines featuring puke covered boobs! Welcome to all ye enter, and I sure hope you’ve got a good taste for the depraved. Here at Variant Covers I give a run down of the comic books I’m excited for, catch my eye, or seem hilariously rotten in a given week.

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #2
The second issue of the most ridiculously named X-Title ever is arriving on shelves this week covered in puke, tits, and sociopolitical commentary. While I didn’t dig Warren Ellis’ first run on Astonishing X-Men that much, I really got into the first issue of Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis Fun Pukey Time. The storyline is centered around an African village that is giving birth to particularly mutant-looking children. The whole OMFG stems from the fact that once Scarlett Witch went all fucking insaneo and banished mutants from the Earth, ain’t none been born. Let alone the fact that generally muties manifest around puberty. Because you know, they’re an extended metaphor for adolescent longing as well as commentary on ostracized ethnic and cultural groups.

So shit is going down! What I really enjoy about the title is how Ellis manages to float political commentary rather elegantly into the affairs of a bunch of latex-bound demi-gods. In the middle of the first issue, Wolverine drops some knowledge bombs about Nelson Mandela that even if you disagree with, are pretty interesting to hear coming out of a mainstream comic book.

It’s a fun romp, and features ridiculous postures and absurd ass and tit shots by Kaare Andrews. And while I’m ultimately a horndog who finds himself aroused on occasion by the curve of inanimate objects, the artwork stems the line between ridiculously sexualized and rousing the inner feminist in me. There’s some sort of line that Andrews is straddling for even the most reluctant readers as myself, and definitely sending more engaged feminists into apoplectic aneurysms.

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Meta 4 #1
Meta 4! Metaphor. See what they did there? This comic comes out this week, and I’m particularly intrigued. I hadn’t read about it, but while skimming the release list this week it caught my eye. Even the title is a metaphor! Intriguing. And then I read the plot description which seems trippy enough to at least try out the first issue:

An amnesiac astronaut is helped by Gasolina, a muscular woman who dresses up as Santa all year round. As they travel New York City for one man’s answers of self, it becomes an expedition to overcome barriers that stand between us and a recognition of our inner selves.

Too bizarre to pass up for me. I have the feeling that the comic book is either going to be a refreshing exploration of metaphors and life through metaphor, or really just a pretentious bunch of hogwash. I’m hoping it is dope as fuck. If you stop and ponder how essential metaphors are to not only understanding and communicating with one another, but also as means to make sense of the world, the idea of the comic books pretty cool. Metaphors layered upon metaphors! I know, I’m a lame-ass literature nerd.

Mea culpa, mea culpa.

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Here’s the deal. Parents took digital camera to Bermuda. iPhone camera broken. So I’m sharing some miscellaneous pictures of my existence with you. Enjoy.

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[click to enlarge]

Matt Fraction pens my favorite monthly comic book, Invincible Iron Man. And Pasqual Ferry? The dude is utterly gorgeous. Like, ridiculously pretty. So the idea of the two of them teaming up for a run on Thor has me doing cartwheels of destructive glee.

via comics alliance:

I can’t WAIT to unleash our Thor on you unsuspecting humans,” said Fraction. “Things were intimidating enough when Pasqual, Matt, and I had to follow up JMS and Olivier– that we’ve got to take up arms after Kieron and company’s stellar stand makes it all the moreso. All we can promise you is that Thor will overflow with colossal and cosmic action, giant space gods smashing each other in the faces with hammers, and all of the earth trembling in the balance. In short: everything that has made Thor great.

Matt Fraction is promising “giant space gods” smashing one another in their fucking face. Win. Win.com/awesome.php

The dude from the best (not really) movie of all time, Jumper, who totally fights Anakin from Attack of the Douchesabers is going to be Spider-Man? Maybe? We’ll see?

via slashfilm

I’ll keep this short, since we have no reliable info to go on. The site Bleeding Cool  is reporting that multiple sources have told them that actor Jamie Bell has been tapped to star in Sony’s reboot of Spider-Man, directed by Marc Webb.

Well then! I really have no idea about this dude, save for the fact that no seriously, I enjoyed him in Jumper. Oh wait, he was fucking Billy Elliot?! I’m double sold.

As an aside, I knew my girlfriend was either a) crazy in love with me or b) crazy when I took her to Jumper like three weeks into our relationship. “Oh hey! Come see a shitty action movie with me, because I love lighthearted slop starring Robotic Jedi and Apparently Spider-Man!”

Nice!