[via nyt : click to enlarge]

It’s like a powder-keg of geek priapatic bonerstorm.

[pixelation | weekly gaming/life column every wednesday or uh thursday]

–-

And a good god damn to you as well! What’s percolatin’? Crackalakin? Say word? Double word? Aiight, whatever. Enough bullshit. Put on your wastelander outfit, and let’s party.

The only gaming I’ve really been doing over the past couple of months, or maybe I guess, this year, is wastelanding and outer-spacing. I’m making up all sorts of   words here. Take your dictionary and burn it! Don’t conform to what the man tells you as far as proper grammar and spelling! Beware the brainwash clinic! You’re all doomed, we’re all doomed!

The amazing part is that one of the predominant reasons for my awful gaming schedule is the fact that almost all of my waking life is dedicated to either A) writing papers or B) worrying about writing papers. I have an inability to engage in things I enjoy if I am stressed, or worried about something.

Two important asides:

This doesn’t include masturbation, which is my refuge from anxiety. If I’m worried whatever, and I have something looming over me, I whip out das schlong and punish him. If you think I’m worried about writing another paper, you should ask him what’s up. He’s absolutely frazzled, beat red (pun!), and worse for the wear. I think I’m going to wear out whatever tubing and connections hold the thing together by the end of my Master’s Degree.

So when I can get some gaming in, I’m working through Fallout 3. I had the misfortune of playing through Fallout 3 last year way too fast, and so I’ve been spending all my time now trying to blast through everything before Fallout: New Vegas comes out.

Including the expansion packs.

Right now I’m rockin’ through Mothership Zeta, and I have to say it’s pretty much ass. If you took ass, and then you were like “Hmm, what’s analogous to this in the gaming world”…there’s be plenty of other examples. Whatever! Hey, but it just isn’t that good.

It’s almost as bad as BioWare DLC. Ohhhhhh shit, zing! And whatnot! I’m losing my mind. Can you tell that? Do the monsters have the teeth in their eyes!? The Microsoft Word processor beckons to me in my sleep. Ian, it says. Pump me full of verbs and run-on sentences! Semi-colon all over me!

But seriously though, I love me some Bethesda, and I love me some Fallout 3, but this expansion just really ain’t cuttin’ it. What can you do? I bought it for half-price back in the day when they had slashed all their DLC, and I guess I really don’t regret playing it.

Sort of.

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[via slashfilm : click to enlarge]

In case you can’t tell, I’m pretty interested in the Thor movie. I know there’s douchey Green Lanterns out there, and that X-Men: First Class movie that’s getting fast tracked and is going to suck. But I’m in it to win it with Norse Thunder and the Asgardian Bromites. So with that said, I’m digging this picture released today, from what I’m assuming is the same issue of EW that has the Green Lantern crap.

It looks decidedly less lame, a bit more in context, and the outfits appear to cost more than $10.

[legend has it that Ernest Hemingway wrote a six-word story to win a bar bet — For sale: baby shoes, never worn. leading to the author’s birthday, I’m going to offer a daily post of my own six-word story. readers are encouraged to respond with their own]

Don’t hire them; they’re too short.

[photo]

Apparently the 360 dashboard is getting a redesign, soon? Tipped off by Logic Sunrise, Kotaku commented on it today. I have extremely undiscriminating eyes, and because of that, I struggled to figure out what exactly had changed. Thankfully the dudes at the K-Otaku spelled it out for me:

via kotaku:

The changes seen in the images include slightly smaller text for the menu options and presenting the sub menu as a series of side-by-side images rather than images that drop away from the screen.

Well, there you go! Are you satisfied? Hit the jump to get a bunch of new unthrilling pictures of the redesign.

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[via robot 6]

I don’t know where this is from – an cover, a panel, or artwork of his, but this Frank Quitely depiction of Damian, Brucey and Dicky is too win to not share.

Kinect games are going to be in purple boxes.

What the fuck is this bullshit, pendejo! More proof that Kinect fucking sucks: purple boxes. What the frak?! Everyone knows that the green cases were an obvious homage to one thing: Mountain fucking Dew. Or as I call it, the x-treme nectar of the gods that I pound in limitless excess during a gaming session. So what is this bullshit?! Purple?! This is kiddie Barney the Dinosaur dogshit! Or dinosaur shit, rather!

How dare they anger Lord Caffeinus, purveyor of all gaming and x-treme and totally wicked behavior! There’s an ass-smiting coming, and Microsoft is on deck.

[via slashfilm : click to enlarge]

Oh lord. Here’s the first shot of Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern. Much like I’m floating the entire accompaniment of dorks in the Thor picture from yesterday a pass, I’ll try and do the same for Reynolds. Maybe he won’t look as douchey when he’s in context. Flying around. Being dumb Ryan Reynolds.

Or something.

[nasa goddard flickr via io9]

We don’t often appreciate the fact that we’re on a fairly impressive spaceship 24/7. I mean, it’s sort of a bummer because it’s locked into a fixed orbit (or something, I think we’re slowly losing our grip on it, whatever), and we can’t do cool stuff like jump hyperspace and shit. But the image above proves one thing, Earth is friggin’ sexy.

Click here, or the image above, for the high-res version. It’s going to break every table in your browser and make you orgasm with the beauty of existence.

[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

I am a Web-Centurion, presiding over the dominion of OL. My assignment is to patrol the rusty, corroding gates of this kingdom. Not only am I responsible for determining who may or may not enter the realm, but I can also prevent subjects from leaving.

Today, a wild-eyed elder tried to make a speedy exit. I hopped off of my turbo-bike and delivered a swift boot to his midsection. When he finally regained his faculties, I asked him who he was. What his trade was. Why he was trying to leave the lands of Caffeinated Wonder-Bliss.

He explained that he was a narrative-alchemist. That he had come up with a powerful elixir, a curative concoction that could help countless folk. I didn’t want to believe him, as I generally distrust old people. But the way he described his new potion, the earnestness with which he spoke, made me less violent. Strangely, I found his message endearing.

I let him pass. Even though I should have killed him. I sincerely hope his formula for a “comick” sees the light of day.

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