The first half an hour of Taken was some of the worst shit I’ve ever watched. Sort of in a good way. However. A big however. What followed it was some of the most ridiculous, over-the-top, awesome, non-sensical shit I’ve ever seen. Loved it. Are you with me? Yeah! Then how would you like Taken In Space! Well, it’s coming. Sort of.

io9:

Luc Besson, writer/producer of Taken, is putting Maggie Grace back in danger – but this time she’s in a SPACE PRISON! It’s called Lockout. We’re in, as long as Lockout has as many throat punches as Taken did.

Deadline is reporting that Maggie Grace has signed on to play the role of our future president’s daughter. But wait, there’s a twist, featuring Guy Pearce:

Guy Pearce is attached to play a man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. He’s offered his freedom if he can rescue the president’s daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.

How fucking amazing is that premise? I’m sold man. Sold. Here’s hoping that Maggie Grace plays a character that actually warrants saving this time around. I mean, jesus christ! In Taken she was just some petulant little bitch, who betrayed her obviously awesome Dad and ran headlong into danger. He should have rescued her ass and then grounded her for fucking life.

Fuck the Kinect! This shit is the real deal here! You don’t need no karate kicks here! Waterloo Labs, through some sort of scientific witchcraft have designed a way for people to play Super Mario Bros. using only their eyes. Yeah, it involves a shitload of electrodes and other creepy shit, but still! Super Mario Bros.! With your eyes! Believe!

Hit the jump to check out the video.

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This story is ridonkulous, and it warms my bleeding heart. A family was on the brink of losing their house. To the point where they’re boxing their shit up, and preparing to have to leave their humble abode, when they come across some old comic books. And low and fucking behold what sort of phat loot they find amidst the funny books! Yep, that comic book. Action Comics #1.

ABC News:

A copy of Action Comics No. 1, the first in which Superman ever appeared, was discovered as they went about the painful task of packing up a home that had been in the family since at least the 1950s. The couple, who live in the South with their children, asked to remain anonymous.

“The bank was about ready to foreclose,” said Vincent Zurzolo, co-owner of ComicConnect.com and Metropolis Comics and Collectibles in New York. “Literally, this family was in tears. The family home was going to be lost and they’re devastated. They can’t figure out a way out of this. They start packing things up. They go into the basement and start sifting through boxes — trying to find packing boxes — and they stumble on eight or nine comic books.”

…

Last Thursday, the couple’s copy received a 5.0 VG(Very Good)/Fine rating on a scale of 1 to 10. It could fetch upwards of $250,000 when it goes up for auction on ComicConnect.com from Aug. 27 through Sept. 17.

How fucking ridiculous is that shit? Amazing. See Moms and Dads of the world! Don’t throw shit away. Stuff it into boxes and hide it in the basement. And should a time come sixty years from now when you’re bankrupt, you’ll unearth some gem and save your state of affairs. Or maybe not.

But good for those people.

One of the dopest things about the Mass Effect universe, and there are numerous points of dopeness, is that it is a sustained universe across installments. Shit you do in the original game affected the universe of the second, and all the decisions from the first two will once again alter the landscape of your individual Mass Effect 3 experience. After awhile, all the various variables have to add up, right? Yeah dude, they’re adding up like woah. Mass Effect 3 is going to have to consider 1,000+ variables.

Good god damn.

Destructoid:

If you’ve been Mass Effecting since the beginning, you’ll know that your path is totally different from the next guy’s, and that your decisions continue to affect situations into the next game. And now into the third game, Mass Effect 3. Bioware says that gamers will see their stories continue, and that things are getting a little crazy now with over 1,000 story variations lined up.

“Numerically, it’s over 1,000 variables that we’ll have access to for shaping the Mass Effect 3 experience for people who’ve played the previous games,” Bioware’s Casey Hudson told PC Zone magazine.

God bless those coding-type wizard-people who work at BioWare. I can’t even account for marginal Algebra II. But I tip my cap to ya’ll. It’s great being able to see a universe that I’ve sculpted continue through an entire series. From douchebags that I’ve chosen to kill, to my own customized appearance, it’s enjoyable like wut.

So yeah, get coding. Slackers.

Japan’s got a real-scale Gundam statue. Utterly ridiculous, word? Yeah man, but if it isn’t friggin’ awesome, I don’t know what is. Hit the jump to check out a time-lapse video of a day in the life of our boy Real-Scale Gundam.

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Source: Super Punch / Click To Enlarge

Behold! Discovery Channel’s headquarters, commemorating Shark Week.

Like many people, my girlfriend is retarded for shark week. Me? I sort of dig it. But unlike her, I can’t really watch hours of people getting eaten by the world’s dopest predator. She’ll sit there, completely enthralled. Being squeamish, I can only handle the phrase “She had lost almost all her blood!”, or “His leg was dangling like a fucked up piece of chicken from strained and broken sinew” so many times before I’m ready to throw up the deuces and peace out.

“Isn’t it cool!” my girlfriend will exclaim, as we watch people mauled, mangled, and left for dead. And I make a mental note to not cross her, for this is her definition of entertainment.

I love me some Spike Jonze. A lot. I love me some Sci-Fi. A lot. I love me some fucking B-Movies. A lot. Smash them together with Arcade Fire? Surely it cannot be, we are not worthy! Apparently Jonze and the band Arcade Fire have been collaborating on a short flick for a while now, and the frontman of said band recently spilled some (righteous) beans.

Slashfilm:

Pitchfork got a chance to talk with Arcade Fire lead Win Butler, who spilled a few more details about the project:

“It’s not a video. It’s a short film; we’re still working on it. It’s like a science-fiction B-movie companion piece for the record. Basically, we played Spike some music from the album and the first images that came to his mind had the same feeling as this idea for a science fiction film I had when I was younger. My brother and I and Spike wrote it together, which was really fun— it was like total amateur hour. We shot it in Austin and a lot of kids are in the film, and it was great just hanging out with these 15-year-olds for a week and writing down all the funny things they said. It was cool to revert to being a 15-year-old for a little while.”

Another week, another edition of Variant Covers. The weekly column dedicated to fawning over Wednesday’s new comic book releases. As an over-educated but under-developed fanboy, most titles I mention are of the superhero assortment. This results in me griping about the lack of character development in financially charged titles, while still giggling at laser beams, and staring at spandex-covered asses. Paradox! Let’s dance.

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S.H.I.E.L.D. #3
If you’re not reading SHIELD (I’m absconding from using the acronym every time, sorry), I don’t blame you. Outside of the buzz carried through the various comic book websites, it’s rather unassuming. Walking across it at the shop, you may not be lured by the gorgeous artwork. I mean, funny books ain’t cheap no more, and curiosity often meets short ends at the hands of a tight wallet.

So I’m beseeching you, read this comic book. If you haven’t yet, snag the first two issues, and pick this up tomorrow. Jonathan Hickman’s SHIELD ain’t Nick Fury and a helicarrier. It’s Leonardo Da Vinci, and an immortal city underneath Rome. It ain’t covert ops and espionage, it’s Galileo versus Galactus. From what the reader has been told throughout the first couple of issues, the premise is that SHIELD has been a centuries-old secret society fashioned to further the Human Machine. Unfortunately, as all good things, it has been spurned by the handiwork of some legit d-bags. Alas. Fuckers.

Thankfully, a resurrected Leonardo Da Vinci has returned to set shit straight. Yeah man, that Da Vinci.

It’s a surreal trek through time, space, and philosophy. Not content just blending the worlds of history and funny book, Hickman has continually pressed the issue on the power of ideas in shaping human history. SHIELD ascends being a literal shield, and instead becomes symbolic of humankind’s pursuit of the Heavens. Not only that, but the battle over definition extends to the very concept of definitions – if Da Vinci claims destiny means one thing and the Legions of Old Assholes claim otherwise, the battle seems to rage on not just an ideological battle, but also a physical one as well.

In other words, they be spittin’ both thoughts and spears at one another.

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Source: 501st Legion / Enlarge

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Some uber-geek-awesome-dude, Arturo Delgado answered the question “what happens when you mash-up Stormtrooper helmets and the Tuskegee Airmen?” Wait, you didn’t ask that question to yourself? Well, you’ve got the answer anyways. The member of the Star Wars club 501st legion created this bad boy, and the world is the better for it. Hit the jump for more pics of this nerd win.

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I haven’t beaten Final Fantasy XIII yet, but I’ve played Fallout 3 and the Mass Effect series until my eyes have bled. So you can imagine how I feel about the JRPG/Bethesda & Bioware divide. Which is why this advertisement makes me giggle like a little fanboy. Giggle, giggle!

Andriasang:

Says one, “A game where you just follow the scenario is like living life on rails.”

Another: “What’s the point of playing again if there’s no change to the story.”

The girl to the left: “When did games become something that you watch?”

The tall one in back: “I think it would be nice if the main character had a mission aside from just wiping out evil.”

Suggests the one sitting in front: “”The world has been prepared. After that, you’re free to do as you please!”

Now, I don’t know how well this sort of advertisement will go over in Japan, where its directed. They obviously love them some JRPG. But for a dork like me who just wants to run around an open world, free from groan-inducing pronouncements and hand-holding, its pure nerd cattiness.