Yo, ya’ll! Welcome to Press Start! Home to insanity, caffeine, and poorly constructed lists numbering five. This is the location where I tell you the five things that caught my eye in the Gaming Geekosphere from the last week. The list is in no specific order, utterly subjective, and I hope you’ll hit me with your own happenings in the comments box.

Get some.

#1: Gaming Blitzkrieg Hits Gamescom
This week was Gamescom, the European gaming convention set in Cologne, Germany. I wish I could get really amped up over a ton of shit from the convention, but for the most part it was just a collection of new screens and details regarding games that I’m already sweating. Enough Fallout: New Vegas info to make my ass pucker, some Dead Space 2 news, even some shit about the white whale herself, Diablo III.

Aside from that, it didn’t have the megaton reveal of say, an E3. Or perhaps, you know, the most impressive thing for revelations these days: a cover story on Game Informer.

Still though, it’s worth bringing up, innit? According to Mr. Wiki, this son of a bitch is the biggest gaming convention in the world.

What dope shit from Gamescom got your juicy bits inflamed?

—-

#2: Oh Shit! A Portable Dreamcast?
What’s better than a Dreamcast? Yeah, a fucking Dreamcast. Home to a million little esoteric games that are close to my heart, perhaps none more than Phantasy Star Online. Why, how about a portable one? This effort in awesomeness is the lovechild of Techknott. I’m guessing that’s not his real name. But when you build portable Dreamcasts, I suppose you can name yourself whatever you want.

This ain’t the first endeavor he’s made at making a portable version of Sega’s finale console. In fact, its his third. Now, I ain’t seen any of his other ones, but I can vouch for how tight this one is. This son of a bitch has AV outputs, a VMU that actually works, a CD drive, and more.

God damn, I find all of that so impressive. I’m the sort of guy who gets flustered when looking at instructions for some $10 Ikea coffee table. The fact that our boy Techknott can pull this all together is impressive as fuck.

Well done, good sir.

—-

#3: Scare the Shit Out of Children With Bioshock Masks
If you want to be well on your way towards coming off as a child-diddling weirdo, then I suggest you pick up the Bioshock Gift Pack. Sold at Toys R Us of all places, the gift pack will bring you a Splicer Mask, and miniature figures of Agent Delta and a Little Sister. I know, right? What a…weird grouping of objects for a gift pack, no? I mean, they’re all sort of neat, but what exactly is the theme that ties them all together. Oh wait, Bioshock!

We can prattle about the gift pack, but let’s talk about the splicer mask. Can you imagine the human being who wants to wear that? I mean, it should be some sort of test that you take before working with children, and one of the questions is simply, “Do you want to wear this mask?” Depending on their answer, you’ll be able to ascertain whether or not they should work with children.

Hint!: If they say “Yes”, then they probably spend a good amount of time hiding in the wastebins behind a Kentucky Fried Chicken, and waiting for someone to pour garbage on them, an act which pushes them into the throes of ecstasy you and I can’t imagine.

—-

Keep Reading »

[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Spoilers Ahead. Forreal.

A couple of days ago, my brother predicted that Harlan Ellison’s Phoenix Without Ashes would be a comic book worth picking up. The Omega Elder also doubted that our local comics shop would carry the title.

Guess what, broseph!? You’re wrong and right — I’ve got a copy of this sonnophagunn in my hands right now! Sweet, sweet funny-mag success! Victory!

Alright, I have to come clean — I’ve never actually sat down and read any Harlan Ellison before today. With that being said, I’ve always enjoyed everything I’ve heard about him. I distinctly remember reading an article about Ellison in Wizard Magazine when I was no more than eleven years old. My prepubescent mind was bemused by the legendary tale of the writer’s single-day employment at Disney; he was fired after a suit overheard him joking about making a Disney-themed porno. Ah, what a yarn! How wonderfully uncouth!

And the best part of that story? It’s fuggin’ true.

With that being said, I’ve found Harlan Ellison intriguing for reasons other than his filthy mind. A number of my personal heroes cite the writer as being a profound influence, Warren Ellis and Patton Oswalt being amongst them. So while I have never previously read any of the man’s work, I have looked at him as a respected figure of the figures I respect.

Keep Reading »

Insomniac Games have been bringing the fire for ages. Or at least like, ten years? Or something? Anyways, as much as I loved the first Resistance, I was pretty fucking meh about the sequel. Today they released the official live-action trailer for Resistance 3, and all is easily forgotten. Shit has got a quality vibe, and Insomniac has even publicly acknowledged the complaints regarding the second iteration. This all gets me several shades of pumped.

Hit the jump for the official trailer.

Keep Reading »

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Don’t pretend you haven’t.

Bask in awe, you fucking geeks! Even at my height of World of Warcraft bonery, I didn’t buy any of their collector’s edition. And with my interest in Cataclysm tepid at best, I sure as fuck ain’t springing for this $80 son of a bitch. Of course I’m still getting the game, since Blizzard owns my soul. But mean, I’m saving up for the Intergalactic Nerdcore Mass Effect 3 package, I can’t be fucking frivolous.

If you are a dedicated douchenozzle though, this is what the package entails.

Kotaku:

Art of the Cataclysm art book, featuring 176 pages of never-before-seen images from the archives of the Blizzard Entertainment cinematics department and the World of Warcraft development team, as well as progressive visuals from multiple stages of development.

Exclusive in-game pet: he may not be a breaker of worlds just yet, but Lil’ Deathwing will still proudly accompany heroes on their struggle to save Azeroth from his much, much larger counterpart.

Behind-the-scenes DVD with over an hour of developer interviews and commentaries, as well as a special Warcraft retrospective examining the rich gaming history of the Warcraft universe.
Soundtrack featuring 10 epic new tracks from Cataclysm, including exclusive bonus tracks.

Special-edition mouse pad depicting Deathwing menacing the ravaged continents of Azeroth.

World of Warcraft Trading Card Game cards, including a 60-card starter deck from the Wrathgate series, two extended-art cards, and two Collector’s Edition-exclusive hero cards, marking the first appearance of goblin and worgen heroes in the TCG.

Full disclosure? I actually think almost all of the content is dope, save for the Wizards Cards and the mouse pad. Making-Of DVDs are some of my favorite shit in the world, and the artwork of WoW has always been gorgeous. Buy it for me, someone, treat me to a glorious Christmas present for all the prose I rattle off for you.

Greetings, Earth Dwellers. Or perhaps, interstellar beings, butting into our infostream trying to surmise what the human race is all about. We are humans, and we’re primarily concerned with fucking, fighting, and building. I hope we’ve passed your litmus test, and you see fit to not obliterate us with your laser beams and annihilation strobes. This is Variant Covers, the weekly comic book joint where I sound off on the funny book releases for the forthcoming Wednesday. Should you choose not to vaporize us, I’ll see you next Tuesday.

—-

Harlan Ellison’s Phoenix Without Ashes #1
If you don’t know who Harlan Ellison is, then you probably need your Geek Card revoked. Actually, that’s a bit draconian. You’re going to receive a three-week suspension and promise of having it returned to you after completing a program that lasts throughout duration of the suspension. He’s one of the Jesus Christ Wunderkinds of science fiction. A progenitor, straight-up pimp, and controversial motherfucker. It makes sense then, that the comic book droppin’ this week with his nomen upon it arrives with a serious amount of controversy surrounding it.

Buckle up, this is an amusing tale.

Back in the year 1971, Ellison developed a TV show under the title of The Starlost, whose pilot was called Phoenix Without Ashes. Apparently it was several shades of asstacular, and Ellison demanded he be credited under Cordwainer Bird. Yeah, guy wasn’t particular happy with the show. Cordwainer Bird? Interesting.

Anyways, following in 1975, the shit got novelized, by Edward Bryant. And here we are, some thirty-five years later, where it’s receiving the funny book treatment courtesy of “Harlan Ellison” and Alan Robinson.

I have no idea if Harlan is directly responsible for converting this son of a bitch into Panels and Narrative Boxes, but it interests me none the less. Any time that one of the godfathers of science fiction is contributing something to the annals of comic book history, I have to take a peek. See what’s going on. It’s what, four dollars? That’s like, three and a half Diet Mountain Dews. I can afford to take the risk.

You know, if they have the comic book. At my local store.

I’m doubting it.

—-

Bulletproof Coffin #3
Bulletproof Coffin #3 also drops this week. It’s the third issue of an eccentric take on both the current age, and past ages of comic book. Take that shit, wrap it up in some oddity and mix in the familiar but enjoyable trope of examining the glimmer of your past in contrast with the dull sheen of your present existence. But with dead zombies and children holding guns and other insane happenings.

It’s awesome. And if you can find a place to pick it up, it’s worth your space bucks. Your imperial credits. If you’re an alien reading this column, deciphering it for clues pertaining to our existence, you guys can probably walk into the comic book shop and just walk out with it. The fat guys and the bespectacled dorks running the joint are going to be too busy orgasming at the proof of extraterrestrial life to stop you.

Go on, get your theft on. If you’re going to be about our culture, your best bet is to ingratiate yourself into our behaviors as well. Theft is a good place to start.

—-

Amazing Spider-Man #640
Perhaps you’ve already undergone this, aliens. The movement from tangible to intangible objects. The decline of purchasing tenable objects in your civilization. But I’m having a hard time suffering that, in conjunction with the slow, miserable death of the comic book industry. You see, despite the fact that I’m pretty amped up for this week’s latest issue of Amazing Spidey, I’m more excited for the two aforementioned titles. The esoteric, less marketable bullshit. Less marketable, but perhaps even more enjoyable.

I’m struggling more and more lately with the fact that the shit I want to read, isn’t found on the shelves of my favorite comic book store. Ever since I said to myself, “Drinkwater, you got places in your heart for things beyond the realm of Capes and Telekinesis”, I’ve been branching out into Esoteria. But with that evolution of interest, I’m met every week with similar results. I walk into my comic book store, hoping to find say, Bulletproof Coffin, while silently resigned to the notion that I shant.

I walk to the shelf, and amidst Deadpool Explosi-Core #15 and Utterly Invincible Albeit Uncanny X-Force, there ain’t much for someone looking for the different.

And the worst part is? I can’t blame my comic book store.

Keep Reading »

Listen man, we all know that Jupiter is the Chief Motherfucker on this solar system’s block. It’s got a storm on it the size of Earth, and you can fit every single god damn planet inside of it. And if that ain’t enough, we now know how this Super-Duper Son of a Bitch got to be the size it is now: eating planets. Yeah dude, bail the fuck out!

io9:

Jupiter became the solar system’s biggest planet by consuming its chief rival, a massive rocky planet ten times bigger than Earth. New discoveries suggest Jupiter and Saturn learned a lesson from their mythological namesakes, “eating” any planet that opposed them.

Both Jupiter and Saturn began life as rocky planets that were at least a few times more massive than Earth, which would make them so-called “Super-Earths.” Their greater size made them big enough to trap the nebula gas that swirled around them, creating the huge atmospheres that made them the gas giants we know today.

For that model to work, Jupiter and Saturn should have rocky interiors that are roughly the same size, but recent measurements revealed that wasn’t the case. Jupiter’s core is only about two to ten times the mass of Earth, while Saturn is much bigger, maybe 15 to 30 times the mass of our planet. There’s only one possible explanation – but it paints a grim picture of just how violent and cutthroat the ancient solar system really was.

If another Super-Earth planet smashed into Jupiter, the gas giant’s immense atmosphere would have flattened the rocky intruder, then sent it hurtling towards the core shortly afterward. The collision between the flattened Super-Earth and Jupiter’s core would have vaporized both the planet and much of Jupiter’s core, kicking up lots of heavy elements into the gaseous atmosphere.

This model would explain pretty much everything we know about Jupiter. It explains why it’s so much more massive than the rest of the gas giants, why its atmosphere has a greater mix of heavy elements than that of the Sun, and why its core is so small.

Ya’ll stay away from Jupiter. I don’t want you associating with him. He’s violent! Don’t let him lure you in with promises of love and rings. He’ll just eat you and we’ll never see you again. You’ll be on a milk carton. A cautionary tale that mothers will tell their children. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Source: Destructoid / Enlarge.

God damn! The things you can buy with money. Wait, that doesn’t make sense. Let’s try this again. God damn! The things you can buy with $30,000. I mean, that’s thirty-thousand Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. What can you get for that many bacon cheeseburgers? How about an entire fucking video game store? I’m in man, I’m in like wut!

Destructoid:

Damn, you really can buy just about anything on eBay. Today there’s a whole freakin’ videogame store   on the website, priced now at $30,000. So what does your $30k buy? You get either the active store, located in Grand Junction, Colorado, or its inventory. The store has thousands of games for every system as well as accessories, controllers and the shelves and dispalys to sell them on. Apparently there’s over $60,000 worth of inventory.

The seller says the Buy It Now price gets you free delivery within 750 miles.

Anyone want to go in with me on this? I just need you to drum up something like $29,500, and I’ll provide the rest. I know, it probably seems like you’re towing most of the weight when it comes towards buying the store. But, I’ll make you a deal. You front the majority of the money, and I’ll put your picture on Omega Level, and write a very kind letter about you for the entire world to see on this fair page.

Solid deal, no?

Daredevil is a favorite comic book of the Brothers Omega. It has received consistently outstanding writing throughout the years, whether it be from Brian Marvel Bendis, Ed Brubaker, or more recently Andy Diggle and Antony Johnston. And so while I know that Daredevil #512 isn’t the last issue we’ll ever see starring the Man of Fear, the fact that they’re billing it as the “FINAL ISSUE” of a favorite comic book of mine is at least enough to give me pause.

Robot 6:

That’s according to the publisher’s November solicitations, which uncharacteristically lists Daredevil #512   as the “FINAL ISSUE.” Marvel typically doesn’t announce cancellations that far in advance, suggesting there’s something “special” in store; perhaps a miniseries interlude as Matt Murdock grapples with the ramifications of the “Shadowland” storyline, or a complete series relaunch. Daredevil returned to its original numbering in September 2009 with Issue 500.

You know that Matt Murdock’s precipitous slide into madness ramped up a notch when he stabbed Bulleye’s deserving ass and decided to declare war using the Hand as his personal army in the current Mega Event, Shadowland. I mean, dude was just playing with fire. Hellfire, and some brimstone on the side as well.

I just wonder what lays in the cards for Murdock? If they actually kill him off for a bit, that’s +20 to Testicular Fortitude, man. They put Matty into a tailspin so many years ago, and if they actually let him crash and burn as opposed to some convenient salvation, then god damn, cap tipped.

Well, snap! I figured that when EA gobbled up BioWare, they’d be porting a cash cow like the Mass Effect series onto multiple consoles. But! But then Mass Effect 2 came and went on the 360 and nothin’ happened. Well, such sentiments were portentous, just took a bit longer than I expected. January, 2011, Mass Effect 2 comes to the fuggin’ Playstation 3.

Kotaku:

During the EA press conference at GamesCom in Cologne, Germany, BioWare’s Dr. Ray revealed that the second game in the Mass Effect series would hit the PlayStation 3 in January.

Is there anything else to say? It’s Mass Effect, and it’s coming to the PlayStation 3. Let’s hear us some cheers, PlayStation 3 owners!

UPDATE: The official press release for the PS3 edition includes the line: “The PlayStation 3 edition will include the full Mass Effect 2 game and hours of bonus content.” We’ve asked an EA spokesperson for clarification about whether that refers to new gameplay sequences or what.

Good news for all my scrub friends who only own a PS3. However, this shit could be bad fucking news for my wallet, if the PS3-port comes with anything resembling new content. Son of a fucking bitch! If there’s even a single new scenario, my fanboy ass is going to have to double-dip. Which means, they know that there are people like me out there, and it will in fact include marginal new content to rope me in.

Fuck. Hit the jump for the Playstation 3 teaser.

Keep Reading »