Press Start!: Ryu’s Fireballs Have Gray Hairs.
The bandwidth piping of the internet wails with electronic wizardy! Information runs about and overwhelms the average purveyor. Hush child, it’s okay. You have me and this fine column right here. Press Start!, the halls of which are populated with the five things in gaming that caught my eye this week. It’s going to be okay, latch onto my teat and I shall feed you all the divine nectar of polygonal prowess you need to ingest. Watch the nipple hairs though, I ain’t getting any younger.
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#1: Dude Huge Proclaims ‘Middle Class’ Games Dead.
Cliff Bleszinski, otherwise known as Dude Huge at his panel at GDC dropped what some could construe as a controversial comment. Duder went on record as saying that the ‘middle class’ game is dead. With rising development costs, the middle class has been grounded out of existence. Stop me when this sounds familiar? According to Bleszinski:
I’m going to go on the record and say that I believe the middle class game is dead.
We have a cautious consumer. People are still smarting from the recession. People don’t go to Target anymore and spend $200 randomly.
If you’re on forums and you see terms like ‘day one rental’ or ‘campaign rental’ — pack it in because your game is not going to sell.
Huge catches a lot of guff for the same shit he catches a lot of adulation for. His games are populated with absurd facsimiles of men. Hulking boner-driven organisms that are reflective of the average dude’s total wet dream. But Dude seems more than well aware of the environment he helps create, describing the characters of Gears of War as guys who “are so big and ‘Grrrr!’–almost careicatures of men”. With this in mind it should be no surprise than that he can take a longer look at the industry as a whole, and I’m inclined to agree with his assessment to an extent.
Where do you guys fall?
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#2: Charlie Sheen Meets Animal Crossing.
The Charlie Sheen juggernaut could not have avoided the video game world. It is impossible. The cultural blight is smashing down all boundaries. The festering ass sore that is infected to the point of oozing all over our Collective Unconscious shall dominate every medium! Every venue! By next week we’ll be on to the next one, but for now, it’s all Charlie. All the time.
In the video game world, we have Charlie Sheen Crossing. A mash-up of screens from Animal Crossing and the nuggets of Charlie Sheen greatness that we’re gleefully ingesting as part of our relentlessly diet of panem et circenses. Hey man, don’t blame me. I’m merely a product of my culture, and that’s video games and worshiping crackhead women-hitting pieces of shit.
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#3: Yu Suzuki Teases Shenmue 3 Again; Fanboys Cum.
Let me blow your fucking mind. I thought Shenmue was complete and utter asshole, and I couldn’t be bothered to try out the second one. I know it’s something approximating heresy around certain gaming circles, but those titles just weren’t for me. However, there’s a good collection of people out there who go absolutely fucking bananas for the franchise. They must have been totally stoked this week when Yu Suzuki once again teased the possibility of there being a third Shenmue. Speaking at GDC, Suzuki stated “I think Sega will let me make it.”
There you go.
That was enough to send all the gaming sites into a fervor, breathlessly recounting those eight words. Even though they were caged and he admitted that nothing was definite. Even without liking the franchise, I find the fanaticism surrounding it to be interesting as fuck. So despite not really wanting to play any of the titles, the idea that this long-lusted after third title could actually see the world outside of Suzuki’s head is pretty fucking interesting.
Swag.
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High-Res Photo of Red Skull from Entertainment Weekly.
Remember that picture of Red Skull that was ganked with glory from Entertainment Weekly? It is not making its way around the internet in all sorts of high resolutions and quality bits and shit.
Hit the jump to check it out.
Let’s Talk About This Blade Runner Kipple
The topic on the end of every nerd’s forked tongue last week was the announcement that Warner Bros.-based Alcon Entertainment is in final negotiations to acquire the holy grail of film properties: Blade Runner. The announcement was followed by a collective gasp in the blogosphere – with our own Caffeine Powered delivering his own expletive-ridden tirade. Reactions have been pretty much split down the middle of anger and joy. As a devout Blade Runner fan and collector, my first reaction was, naturally, skepticism and disbelief. But it’s been a few days and I’ve had some time to meditate and brood (mostly brood) on this. So let’s chill for a moment and talk about this like adults.
Sunflower Galaxy Is A Spiraling Beauty.
Marvel Drops New ‘Thor’ Movie Poster and Banner.
Marvel dropped some a new poster and banner for the upcoming Thor movie. Oh Thor, you bearded stud.
Hit the jump for these babies.
Face of a Franchise: April O’Neil
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
Judith Hoag v. Paige Turco
In the first TMNT flick, Judith Hoag portrayed April O’Neil as charming, headstrong, and fierce. In the subsequent installments of the trilogy, Paige Turco came across as a paint-by-numbers reporter…but looked damn fine.
So how about it – who is the real April O’Neil?
OLOST – Happy Friday
For most people, Friday’s just the day before the weekend. But after this Friday, the neighborhood will never be the same.
Kid Draws Odd Future All Over His Math Quiz; Swag Time.
I’m not certain why this kid didn’t get a 100. I hope the “see me after class” is to give the motherfucker a high-five in person.
‘Street Fighter 2’ Turns 20 Years Old. Good Lord.
It’s been brought to my attention that Street Fighter 2 turns fucking 20 years old this month. All of a sudden my receding hairline, graying follicles, and achy back make sense. I’m getting old as fuck. It feels like just yesterday I was begging enabling parents for quarters to play a few rounds of this son of a bitch at the movie theater. Or begging them to take me to the local arcade so dudes ten years older than me can take me to the woodshed in the game.
But I didn’t give a fuck, it was Street Fighter 2.
Trent Reznor Is Scoring And Acting In ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’. Awesome Bomb.
It’s still a bit of a mind-warp to contemplate that Trent Reznor won a fucking Oscar. Seeing him tanned and in a tuxedo was a trip for me, since I grew up watching him caterwauling into microphones about fucking people like animals and boring holes into heads and shit. However, this is even fucking crazier. Trent Reznor is going not only be composing the score for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, he’s going to be acting in it.
