Press Start!: Ryu’s Fireballs Have Gray Hairs.
The bandwidth piping of the internet wails with electronic wizardy! Information runs about and overwhelms the average purveyor. Hush child, it’s okay. You have me and this fine column right here. Press Start!, the halls of which are populated with the five things in gaming that caught my eye this week. It’s going to be okay, latch onto my teat and I shall feed you all the divine nectar of polygonal prowess you need to ingest. Watch the nipple hairs though, I ain’t getting any younger.
#1: Dude Huge Proclaims ‘Middle Class’ Games Dead.
Cliff Bleszinski, otherwise known as Dude Huge at his panel at GDC dropped what some could construe as a controversial comment. Duder went on record as saying that the ‘middle class’ game is dead. With rising development costs, the middle class has been grounded out of existence. Stop me when this sounds familiar? According to Bleszinski:
I’m going to go on the record and say that I believe the middle class game is dead.
We have a cautious consumer. People are still smarting from the recession. People don’t go to Target anymore and spend $200 randomly.
If you’re on forums and you see terms like ‘day one rental’ or ‘campaign rental’ — pack it in because your game is not going to sell.
Huge catches a lot of guff for the same shit he catches a lot of adulation for. His games are populated with absurd facsimiles of men. Hulking boner-driven organisms that are reflective of the average dude’s total wet dream. But Dude seems more than well aware of the environment he helps create, describing the characters of Gears of War as guys who “are so big and ‘Grrrr!’–almost careicatures of men”. With this in mind it should be no surprise than that he can take a longer look at the industry as a whole, and I’m inclined to agree with his assessment to an extent.
Where do you guys fall?
#2: Charlie Sheen Meets Animal Crossing.
The Charlie Sheen juggernaut could not have avoided the video game world. It is impossible. The cultural blight is smashing down all boundaries. The festering ass sore that is infected to the point of oozing all over our Collective Unconscious shall dominate every medium! Every venue! By next week we’ll be on to the next one, but for now, it’s all Charlie. All the time.
In the video game world, we have Charlie Sheen Crossing. A mash-up of screens from Animal Crossing and the nuggets of Charlie Sheen greatness that we’re gleefully ingesting as part of our relentlessly diet of panem et circenses. Hey man, don’t blame me. I’m merely a product of my culture, and that’s video games and worshiping crackhead women-hitting pieces of shit.
#3: Yu Suzuki Teases Shenmue 3 Again; Fanboys Cum.
Let me blow your fucking mind. I thought Shenmue was complete and utter asshole, and I couldn’t be bothered to try out the second one. I know it’s something approximating heresy around certain gaming circles, but those titles just weren’t for me. However, there’s a good collection of people out there who go absolutely fucking bananas for the franchise. They must have been totally stoked this week when Yu Suzuki once again teased the possibility of there being a third Shenmue. Speaking at GDC, Suzuki stated “I think Sega will let me make it.”
There you go.
That was enough to send all the gaming sites into a fervor, breathlessly recounting those eight words. Even though they were caged and he admitted that nothing was definite. Even without liking the franchise, I find the fanaticism surrounding it to be interesting as fuck. So despite not really wanting to play any of the titles, the idea that this long-lusted after third title could actually see the world outside of Suzuki’s head is pretty fucking interesting.
#4: Fan Made Modern Warfare 2 Film Has People Doing Cartwheels.
Last week a viral marketing campaign hit, and it had fans thinking that the advent of Modern Warfare 3 was upon us. Toronto-based firm We Can Pretend sent out dog tags with the names of characters from Modern Warfare. The thought was, oh fuck, this is Activision doing themselves some viral bullshit.
Wrong! Double wrong.
We Can Pretend was using the dog tags to promote their self-financed fan film, “Find Makarov”. The “trailer” for the film is mostly shots from the series that have already been seen. This crew just flipped the live-action switch and gave it a different take. I didn’t go as crazy as some people did over it. It was…neat. What I did enjoy was the spirit behind the entire thing. Self-financing a fan flick and then marketing it in the way they did was fucking brilliant.
#5: Street Fighter 2 Turns Twenty. I’m Old As Fuck.
Turn out the lights, the party is fucking over. This month, Street Fighter 2 turns twenty years-old. Good lord, that’s fucking old. I can literally feel the depression shifting in my bones at the acknowledgment of this. The implications are clear: I need to stop shitting myself and bathe more regularly, cause I’m not some kid in an arcade anymore.
Twenty years? Really?
I assume that most readers can share the same sentiment as me. We were raised on a diet of throwing fireballs, throwing controllers, and swearing at friends while ripping it up as Ryu, Ken, or maybe that douchebag Guile.
Seriously though, what a fucking mindwarp. When I think about how fucking prominent the title is to this day in our little niche culture, it becomes pretty fucking impressive. One title, twenty years ago this month, began sculpting so many different fucking minds into the band of assholes and perma-children we are today.