(This is the beginning of a three-part analysis of the Transformers mythology. Warning: each article contains spoilers for the movie it covers.)

Every generation has its own hero, a character who stands for and defends the social mores of the particular time and place in which he or she exists by combating hostile forces and ideals that are detrimental to the preservation of the hero’s own society. These heroes, unmistakably present in all forms of art, are the life-blood of their culture, displaying and perpetuating what is collectively honored and desired therein. In his epic poems The Iliad and The Odyssey, Homer sang of the almost-unbeatable warrior Achilles and the cunning Odysseus to suit the needs and wants of ancient Greece. With The Divine Comedy, Dante Alighieri created a fictionalized version of himself to break through the barriers of the eternal spheres of God–journeying from hell and purgatory to a heavenly enlightenment–while facing the demons, ancient and ever-timely, of Renaissance Italy. And now, along these similarly epic lines, director Michael Bay has offered up the hero of our time in the Transformers movie trilogy: Sam Witwicky, the 21^st Century American hero who speaks to and for us.

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Jim Lee is tacitly acknowledging that which we already know. Much like in  Moonlighting, The Office, and Marvel’s own Spider-Man, it’s the chase of the relationship with Lois Lane by Clark Kent that gets our krypto-rods shimmering. The pursuit is everything! He does so in recent comments, where he explains Superman’s single status in the DC relaunch.

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NASA’s MESSENGER is their mission to study the surface of Mercury. However back in 2005 as it hurtled away from good old planet Earth, it took a series of photographs. Intrepid researchers have since then stitched those photographs together to make a rather pretty farewell video.

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It’s the week where the teaser trailers simply refuse to quit. The latest one is the teaser for the good ole Amazing Spider-Man.

Hit the jump to check it out.

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One of the best things about the short-lived BSG spinoff Caprica was Alessandra Torresani. Not that she’ll be nominated for an Emmy anytime soon, but she is really hot. And don’t worry guys, I checked. She only looks 16. She’s actually 24! *looks round for the high five*

Since the fall of Caprica (ha-yuck) Torresani has been canoodling around half-naked in various shoots with photographer Tyler Shields. Their latest collaboration is a video in which Torresani recalls her doomed relationship with Darth Vader. It’s not really funny, but she does lick Vader’s helmet at one point. I’d watch Torresani do anything. If someone filmed her doing her taxes I’d watch it. Check out the video after the jump. I’ve included a bonus video of Torresani licking a giant lollipop coming out of a man’s crotch. I love this chick.

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Everyone just needs to calm the fuck down. We got DC and Marvel renumbering the shit out of everything. We got the DCnU. We got DC last year launching a line of graphic novels that would be “retellings” of their characterss origins in modern society. Which sounded a lot like Marvel’s Ultimate universe. Well now Marvel, who created the Ultimate universe to do such a thing is…following DC’s lead. How about a line of graphic novels for the youngins’ to snag and be able to understand the universe right away. Right? Meh!

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To the tune of “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster” comes this glorious parody saluting the family that always pays their debts. Hit the jump for the video, but be forewarned of spoilers from the first season of the television adaptation.

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Variant Covers.   Column giving the rundown of the week’s comic releases. Trite, super-personal and irreverent. Share your finds, friends.

I’ve been sick lately. For the past five days my life has consisted of scraping the existential paste out of bed, nodding somewhat coherently as I teach, and napping. Fitful, sweaty naps. The sort of naps that could fill a Gatorade bottle and whose flopping fiction could power a small town.

After a hiatus that felt like forever, Breaking Bad is back to kick our ass. Last season’s finale, “Full Measure,” left us pulling our hair out over whether a weepy Jesse shot Gale – or of that last second camera shift had Jesse firing over Gale’s shoulder in hesitation. More happened in the season four premiere, the gruesomely titled “Box Cutter,” than just the reveal of Gale’s execution. In true Breaking Bad fashion, creator Vince Gilligan and his crew delivered a suspenseful and darkly hilarious episode that began with a shocker of a flashback. We also got see Walter resort to his sniveling, bombastic Mr. White persona as Skyler continues to “break bad” even further. And poor Jesse’s now lost any shred of innocence he may have had left. It’s been a long time coming for this episode and they knocked it out the park, into the parking lot, and right through the windshield of your Pontiac Aztec.

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Welcome back to MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! By the time you read this, you’ll most likely have completed your first day of the workweek and will be primed for some solid entertainment. But not if you work the graveyard shift. Which is a bummer, unless you actually work at the graveyard, `cause then you get to meet zombies and mad scientists and packs of goth kids playing Ouija!

In any case, I’m going to give you the rundown on some of the shit that’ll be keeping my spirits high over the course of the next week. Your mission – should you choose to accept it – is to hit up the comments and show which sidearms you’ll be using in this workweek showdown.

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