Variant Covers: Reality Is A Special Effect!

Variant Covers.   Column giving the rundown of the week’s comic releases. Trite, super-personal and irreverent. Share your finds, friends.

I’ve been sick lately. For the past five days my life has consisted of scraping the existential paste out of bed, nodding somewhat coherently as I teach, and napping. Fitful, sweaty naps. The sort of naps that could fill a Gatorade bottle and whose flopping fiction could power a small town.

I have not slept. I cannot breath. I am here though. When there’s a dance you have to show up. Do your courtesies and press your fleshes.



One Soul.
At its most optimal, this shivering column should serve as a trickle down. I know that Reagan may have ruined the concept for a lot of people, but bare with me. As much as I would like to tell you I wear a tin foil cap and funnel the salient releases out of the Universal Miasma, I have my own list of columns and web sites I check out for releases. The bullshit I come across there that may be unique, or different, then trickles down from them to me. Me to you. Hopefully you to that one cousin of yours with the sick ass rat tail and the missing front teeth.

There was a point in here somewhere.

Oh! One Soul.

So prior to about an hour ago, I had never heard of One Soul. I could feel my need for it though. Something different. Something delicious. To milk my exploratory glands. Yes, yes, grind your finger against that membrane. Now I have found it though, this One Soul. It’s interesting and because of that I’ve actually purchased   it off Mr. Amazon.

Here’s the premise. It’s pretty cool:

Ray Fawkes tells the stories of eighteen individuals throughout history whose entire lives unfold simultaneously on the pages of his new graphic novel, ONE SOUL. Comprised entirely of double page spreads split into eighteen panels with each panel featuring one character’s life, Ray Fawkes has artfully crafted eighteen linear stories into one non-linear masterpiece. ONE SOUL reaches comic shops and book stores July 2011.

Take a chance on it, yo. I won’t tell Steve Dave that you passed up this week’s War of the Green Lanterns: Aftermath #1. We keep secrets around these parts.


Oh Boy Oodles of Superheroes:
This week we’re getting the Daredevil relaunch. It’s coming courtesy of Mark Waid who hasn’t written anything I’ve cared about since probably Kingdom Come. Irredeemable? Still trying to figure out the appeal of that one. Waid’s like Lucas though, with his one classic he bought my heart forever. Perhaps more excitingly, Waid’s getting teamed up with Paolo Rivera. His artwork is righteous meet swoon. A combination so super-charged it had to be concocted in a laboratory using gloves. (It should also be added that Rivera’s being joined by Marcos Martin on artwork.)

In case you’re hankering for some boobie sandwiches and a considerable nostalgic shot to the pink and sensitive parts, Robby Liefeld got you covered. This week the fourth volume of Avengelyne is kicking off. Avengelyne #1! Again! Praise the maker! Specifically the maker of katanas, latex, and Viagra.

You see, there’s nothing I like to do more than tie an elastic band around my scrotum, snort Viagra, and then read a copy of something Liefeld has written or drawn while grinding my pelvis rigorously against a carpet. It reminds me of all those weird feelings I had when I was in high school and somehow Liefeld still made sense. To be young and confused again! Why is my penis leaking? Why does that woman have no spinal column? Can boobs truly be this fucking awesome? Ah, young me.

I’m pretty sure all the oxygen I’m taking in from coughing is getting me high. It’s a lovely world! The spirits dance! The colors glow. You’re all Star Children.


Supergods: What Masked Vigilantes…:
Speaking of Star Children — look at that fucking transition, all those English professors who I have tried to honor — Grant Morrison’s book drops this week. As I feel my rot gutting, it’s good to tie myself to a lad who believes we’re all beautiful vibrating members of the cosmos. All forged in the furnace of stars. Morrison, you touch me. Man. You touch me.

The book is one-half rant on comic book characters and mythology, one-half memoir. After being completely enthralled by his perceived experiences in his documentary, I’m ready to gobble up some prose he pens himself about his life. Yes Grant. Tell me about your magic. Tell me how you’ve seen spirits and Scorpion Gods and Aliens. Also if there’s a specific chapter on how I can use some sort of incantation to cure this fifth day of explosive diarrhea and black lung, you’re the man now.

The man.



THUNDER Agents #9 comes out this week, which raises the question — what the hell is THUDNER Agents? Google it, you tell me? I have sharp objects and ill will with your name on it! The reason I ask is because Nick Spencer, of Infinite Vacation, and Morning Glories amongst others is writing it. He’s joined by a few artists, but most favorably by Nick Dragotta. Get some! Go. Explore for me.

There was a time when Invincible Iron Man was great. That time has passed. Now we must affix a suffix to our evaluation of the title. Invincible Iron Man is great, “for what they let Fraction and LaRocca do”. It’s currently tied up in cross-over Hell. I know having the main titles makes the (boring) event feel nice and lively, but I’d rather have Fraction penning his own Stark storyline. He also writes Fear Itself, so it sort of works? Sharp objects. Ill intent. That won’t stop me from buying Invincible Iron Man #506. There will be a small, small tear that falls as I do though.

So that’s what I’m buying this week. There’s a good chance I won’t remember writing any of those, either as the mortal coil is shed, or it shall be prevented from entering long-term memory thanks to the high I’m riding from compulsively coughing, eating a couple pounds of phlegm, and my usual caffeine.

What are you fuckers checking out?