Kid Bites Woman, Claims He’s 500 Year-Old Vampire. Gotta Feed, Man!
Lyle Monroe Bensley broke into a lady’s apartment and bit her neck. Bensley claimed that he was a vampire, and if that’s case can’t we float the kid the pass? The blood thirst!, I mean it totally clouds what is certainly an otherwise rational lad.
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Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Gets November Release Date. Good Lord.
Even previous to this news. November to my wallet: fuck you. November to my school work: fuck you. November to my sanity: fuck you. The month in games was already too much, now it’s threatening to break me. I never thought I’d actually lament a much-anticipated game’s release date as being too close, but here it is.
Help Man Launch The Island He Made From 135,000+ Plastic Bottles.
Rishi Sowa has built an island out of plastic bottles. The island, which is actually his third, is built out of more than 135,000 plastic bottles and is getting ready to be launched out to sea from the lagoon it’s currently chilling in. Sowa needs cash money to buy the specifics he needs so the pig can stand the cruel waves of the sea. Like all enterprising (eco) artists, Sowa has turned to the formless, enormous inter-space known as the world wide web for some help.
Variant Covers: Make My Matt Murdock A Byronic Hero.
It’s a small week for me. Which is okay, because if we’re all pulling down our pull list pants and baring all for one another, I’ll confess that the only comic book I’ve read from last week’s haul is Fear Itself #5. It isn’t that there wasn’t a healthy amount of titles for me to gorge on. It’s just that I’m the prototypical comic book equivalent of an edger. If you’d like to think of my reading comic books as masturbating (because let’s face it for a comic book geek to talk about actual fornication is just killing the motif), then my reading habits have me perpetually hovering around my favorite titles. The time needs to be perfect. To climax with the titles that truly blow my mind. Last week I didn’t climax, my stack of comic books is blue and bulging and asking for release.
I’m not really sure what I’m writing about anymore.
Video: New ‘Uncharted 3’ Trailer Is Hnng OMFG. Need.
There’s a new Uncharted 3 trailer. What else is there to say? I watched it over my girlfriend’s house, and she had a watch a grown-ass man-child audibly moan and paw at the screen like a confused household pet. Do need this. Now.
Hit the jump for the trailer.
First Look: The Rock As ‘Roadblock’ In G.I. Joe 2: Ultimationators Or Whatever.
I have a serious crush on The Rock. Those biceps. The classic promos he used to cut. So I’ll see him in anything. The fact that I’m actually excited for G.I. Joe 2: Rise of the Fetching Comrades or whatever just stokes my flames. Here’s a first look at The Rock being hot and manly and awesome…and uh, Roadblock. From the set of the second Joseph flick.
Video: Borderlands 2 Teaser Trailer Creates Urge To Blow Up Virtual Objects.
I’m diggin’ on Borderlands, and the fact that I won’t have to wait very long for a sequel makes me happy in the guts. One of the perks of procrastinating and dragging feet when it comes to playing a game. Reduction of sequel-wait-misery-time. This teaser is fun, and allegedly completely in-game.
Hit the jump for the teaser.
Del Toro Says Alfonso Cuarón’s ‘Gravity’ Is ‘Insane’. Nice.
I’ve been looking forward to Alfonso Cuarón’s Gravity for a while now. Fuck, I’ve been looking forward to anything Cuarón since Children of Men. So any time there’s news regarding the science-fiction project he’s working on, my ears perk up. They doubly perk when Cuarón’s bestie Guillermo Del Toro calls the project insane and mind-blowing.
Economist Paul Krugman Suggests Watchmen-esque Alien Invasion To Save Economy.
Paul Krugman has seen the light. He realizes that the only way to rally ourselves out of our fiscal slump is for the government to fake an alien invasion. Well fuck, do you have any better ideas?
THIS WEEK ON True Blood: Spellbound
My friend is gnarling his gnarly teeth on an enormous chicken leg. I’m reclining, staring at the television and thinking about a plethora of pithy pittances. The homework I have to do. The shit I have to take. The porn I’m inevitably going to indulge in. Once or twice. Friend gnashing across flesh. Me, spinning inward into the cosmos of my own inner monologue.
On screen, what was once a Viking Lord and a Gap Toothed Horror are indulging in their thirtieth conversation of this season in which they proclaim that they want nothing but to lie in one another’s arms. They’re floating about a magical frosty fornication forest, replete with snow. As they babble, and babble, and babble, I can’t help but zone out and imagine a time when Eric wasn’t some blathering bitch. Some quivering pile of Nordic Handsomeness reduced to a babbling bonerjam, whose only purpose on the show is to give Sookie yet another cheap momentary bliss. Only to be wrenched away, causing oh the tears to flow, oh the sadness to swallow.
