Near-Earth Asteroid That Passed Us By Is TWICE AS BIG As Previously Thought

Here’s some cold comfort. Some big son of a bitch asteroid recently passed us by, giving us the finger and giggling at our mortality. While it’s all well and good that it didn’t rock us, it also turns out that the death-dealing rock was twice as large as previously thought.

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‘MASS EFFECT 3’ EXTENDED CUT DLC Attempts To Unfuck The Game’s Ending This Tuesday

That whole Mass Effect 3: Unfucked Ending Edition is dropping this Tuesday. Oh boy. I’m just beginning to let the franchise and its abysmal ending fade into the cursed halls of repression in my psyche, and now they offer this up.

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CHARLIE SHEEN Is The President In ‘MACHETE KILLS’, Absurdity ++

I haven’t seen Machete, but even still I have the suspicion that I’m in love with it. It rocks a certain absurdity that I can get behind. Robby Rodriguez is following up the original flick with Machete Kills, and is showing no signs of mitigating the bonkers.

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‘JURASSIC PARK 4’ To Be Written By ‘RISE OF THE APES’ Peeps.

I wouldn’t expect Jurassic Park 4 to be any fucking good. We don’t really need the flick, and I’m not sure how much juice the entire premise has anymore. The best retort to that would be, “But yeah, Caff, you also didn’t think Rise of the Apes would rule, and it did”. Touche.

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Cosplay: ‘DIABLO III’ Demon Hunters Will Slay You. Wakka Wakka.

Look at these two fucking demon hunters from Diablo III. How bad ass are they? That depends. Depends on whether or not this jam was taken prior to Tuesday’s nerftastic patch.

Japanese Copyright Law Makes ILLEGAL DOWNLOADS A Criminal Offense

Glad I don’t live in Japan. Not that I pirate shit, or have any sorts of illegal music on my computer, but if I did I would be in trouble. Illegal downloads are now going to carry a heavy fucking penalty in Godzilla’s stomping grounds.

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The War and Peace Nebula Is Gorgeous Interstellar Violence

The War and Peace nebula is laying waste across space a mere 8,000 light-years away.

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Michael Bay: ‘TRANSFORMERS 4’ Ain’t A Reboot, May Go Into Space. Wee!

I know what you’re thinking. Why the fuck am I covering Transformers 4. I don’t really know, either. There’s a perverse curiosity simmering in my sac when it comes to the beastly Bay fecaltainment franchise.

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NINTENDO Announces New, Larger 3DS. Called The ‘3DS XL’, It Farts On Early Adopters.

Ah, as if the Nintendo 3DS and its launch didn’t suffer enough strife. There’s a new iteration of the handheld dropping this summer, with a larger screen and uh, 4D capabilities.

I made up one of those.

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Video: This Real Life Cyber-attack Alert System Is Pure ‘NEUROMANCER’ Porn.

Lordy, lordy. The future is good. Check out the Daedalus Cyber-attack alert system, which renders cyber attacks in 3D graphics.

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