#Welcome To the Future
Google unveils ‘GOOGLE FIBER’, a f**king insane BROADBAND and TV Service.
Good glorious Jesus Christ, Google’s latest venture seems insane. Dubbed “Google Fiber”, it’s all sorts of lightning-quick internet and ridiculous TV options. I have a boner.
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Scientists create ARTIFICIAL JELLYFISH from a RAT’S HEART. Yeah, science!
One day some brilliant biophysicist was hanging out at the New England Aquarium when he thought something I would have never dreamed. Dude said to himself, “I can build a jellyfish”, whereas usually I’m like “man…the fish, they like, swim. Really well.”
NASA hires SCENT CHEMIST to recreate the smell of space for us leadfooted bastards.
I didn’t know that space had a smell. Nor did I know there were such things as scent chemists. Now these two newly divulged existences are coming together. Praise be.
YouTube is getting itself a FACE BLURRING FEATURE. Shake that ass in anonymity, yo.
YouTube is taking the first step towards all your mommas shaking their donkey trunks on the internets. They’re dropping facial blurring technology, so now all of the bitties out there can definitely slough off whatever pride they had and get freaky.
Nuclear Scientists Forging Sapphire Discs That Will Store Data For MILLIONS OF YEARS. Well.
Hey, this is totally awesome. We’re going to be able to store data for millions of years on these neat sapphire discs. Nothing will ensure our shame like when the Martians return, wondering what the fuck happened. They’ll spin up these discs, and see us fat, bloated, and giggling at cats on YouTube.
Russian Parliament Approves WEB CENSORSHIP LAW. Putin Cackles.
One of the neatest things last year, in a really horrifying and troubling way, is how Putin pretty much stole an election last year and all of us assholes over here were like “Oh, Dancing With The Stars? Awesome!” and paid no attention. Hey man, we got priorities. Wonder how much this will register on our collective radar.
LASER CHARGING Gives STALKER DRONE ‘Practically Unlimited’ Time In The Air. Game Over, Yo.
If you weren’t already uncomfortable about the usage of drones over native soil (look it up), or the idea that they can be hacked by college kids (look it up), maybe this will get your attention. Practically unlimited flight time is upon us.
ACTA Casts Self-Rez, Sneaking Back Into Canada and Europe.
Man. Total (predictable) bummer. Not even a week after European Parliament axed ACTA has it slithered out of its grave to make another attempt at implementation.
Japan Aiming For Self-Driving Cars In Next Ten Years. No Word On Jet Packs.
Japan’s got themselves some swagger. Declaring themselves some goals. Yeah, well we got a guy who can eat nearly seventy hot dogs here in the States.
