Source: Destructoid / Enlarge.

God damn! The things you can buy with money. Wait, that doesn’t make sense. Let’s try this again. God damn! The things you can buy with $30,000. I mean, that’s thirty-thousand Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. What can you get for that many bacon cheeseburgers? How about an entire fucking video game store? I’m in man, I’m in like wut!

Destructoid:

Damn, you really can buy just about anything on eBay. Today there’s a whole freakin’ videogame store   on the website, priced now at $30,000. So what does your $30k buy? You get either the active store, located in Grand Junction, Colorado, or its inventory. The store has thousands of games for every system as well as accessories, controllers and the shelves and dispalys to sell them on. Apparently there’s over $60,000 worth of inventory.

The seller says the Buy It Now price gets you free delivery within 750 miles.

Anyone want to go in with me on this? I just need you to drum up something like $29,500, and I’ll provide the rest. I know, it probably seems like you’re towing most of the weight when it comes towards buying the store. But, I’ll make you a deal. You front the majority of the money, and I’ll put your picture on Omega Level, and write a very kind letter about you for the entire world to see on this fair page.

Solid deal, no?

Well, snap! I figured that when EA gobbled up BioWare, they’d be porting a cash cow like the Mass Effect series onto multiple consoles. But! But then Mass Effect 2 came and went on the 360 and nothin’ happened. Well, such sentiments were portentous, just took a bit longer than I expected. January, 2011, Mass Effect 2 comes to the fuggin’ Playstation 3.

Kotaku:

During the EA press conference at GamesCom in Cologne, Germany, BioWare’s Dr. Ray revealed that the second game in the Mass Effect series would hit the PlayStation 3 in January.

Is there anything else to say? It’s Mass Effect, and it’s coming to the PlayStation 3. Let’s hear us some cheers, PlayStation 3 owners!

UPDATE: The official press release for the PS3 edition includes the line: “The PlayStation 3 edition will include the full Mass Effect 2 game and hours of bonus content.” We’ve asked an EA spokesperson for clarification about whether that refers to new gameplay sequences or what.

Good news for all my scrub friends who only own a PS3. However, this shit could be bad fucking news for my wallet, if the PS3-port comes with anything resembling new content. Son of a fucking bitch! If there’s even a single new scenario, my fanboy ass is going to have to double-dip. Which means, they know that there are people like me out there, and it will in fact include marginal new content to rope me in.

Fuck. Hit the jump for the Playstation 3 teaser.

Keep Reading »

Source: Super Punch / Enlarge

Inception, not to be outdone by fucking LOST, goes 8-Bit.

Enlarge.

Collector’s Editions are at war with one another. Last year the Modern Warfare family brought everyone night vision goggles, which felled the previous Douchebag Winner, the Spartan Helmet Douchecon Edition from Halo 3. Well! Well, then. Well, well, well. Call of Duty: Black Ops is making a serious, serious push to take the Douchebag Extreme Mantle, by offering a functionable RC car with their Black Ops Collector’s Edition.

Destructoid:

With a range of up to 200 feet, the RC-XD surveillance vehicle is a fully-functioning RC car that features — wait for it — a remote camera that transmits TFT color video and audio. It’s inspired by the surveillance car that will appear in the game’s multiplayer, as seen in the recent teaser trailer.

The “Prestige Edition” will also ship with everything you’ll get in the “Hardened Edition,” including a Black Ops limited edition medal, a Black Ops Avatar outfit (for Xbox 360), and four additional cooperative maps.

If you buy this, you’re a douchebag. But let’s be clear, if it were the right franchise (Mass Effect, Fallout), I’d be a douchebag too.

Remember back in the day when limited-prints of Zelda games came with a cold cartridge? Well it seems like Activision is hearkening back to those dope old days by bundling Goldeneye 007 with a gold controller. As if getting a new Goldeneye game wasn’t enough of a trip in the way-back machine.

God damn, how many hours did I burn through with this game, getting pissed as I got owned in multiplayer with a pack of friends? I don’t intend on gettin’ the remake and by proxy the controller, but it still makes my belly mirthful with warm remembrance.

Source: Simon Chong Via Kotaku / Enlarge.

Source: Tom Preston / Enlarge.

Duke Nukem Forever is something of a white whale in the gaming community. First announced in 1997, the shit was promised, and promised, and promised, and then promised again. Finally last year, twelve years later, the game was finally axed.

But oh shit! Maybe it wasn’t. And not only is it rumored to be back, but it’s purported that dope-ass Gearbox Software (Borderlands) could be runnin’ the gig now.

Kotaku:

There may be hope yet for the ludicrously long-in-the-making Duke Nukem Forever. Sources claiming to have knowledge of the situation tell Kotaku that Duke Nukem Forever development continues at a new home, Borderlands developer Gearbox Software.

The studio responsible for Brothers In Arms, Borderlands and Aliens: Colonial Marines is said to have picked up Duke Nukem Forever development where former studio 3D Realms left off, perhaps Duke’s best bet for eventual completion.

Duke Nukem Forever, according to sources who wished to remain anonymous, is now in the hands of Gearbox and is planned to be released under the studio’s name. Gearbox was outed as the developer of the apparently scrapped Duke Nukem spin-off Duke Begins earlier this year.

It would be one thing if the game was announced as “back on” – in the sense that I wouldn’t give a fuck. But if it’s truly back, and it’s being developed by a legitimately talented studio? Holy mung. It has the recipe for awesomeness and nostalgia that was once thought incalculable.

Over at Boing Boing, they have the dopest article I’ve read in a long time. Insanely crazy/awesome dude Jake Adelstein is a Jewish-American reporter who spent twelve years as a crime beat reporter in Japan, and then parlayed that experience into what I understand is an excellent book. More recently, Adelstein got three yakuza to sit down and voice their impressions on Sega’s Yakuza 3. There’s hilarity and insight within.

Boing Boing:

Excerpt #1:

K: It’s like going back in time. Koma Theater is there, the pink salons, the Pronto Coffee shops, the Shinjuku Batting center, the love hotels.
S: You got your salaryman in there, the delinquent school girl and her sugar daddy, Chinese people, and even those Nigerian touts. What’s with all the fucking gaijin (foreigners) in the area anyway? It used to be just Japanese, Koreans and Chinese.
M: Don’t say gaijin. Say Gaikokujin. It’s more polite. Jake’s a gaijin.
S: Yeah, I forget sometimes. What’s with all the fucking gaikokujin in Kabukicho anyway?

Excerpt #2:

K: Kiryu is fighting all the time. He’s gotta be a fucking idiot. No yakuza is going to run around getting into fistfights like that. Especially not an executive type. He’ll wind up in jail or in the hospital or dead, maybe even whacked by his own people for being a troublemaker. These days, he’d probably get kicked out before even going to jail. Guys like that start gang wars and nobody wants that now. When a yakuza gets into a fight, it’s serious business.

Those are two clips from the entire article, which is surreal and engaging as I hope the two excerpts were. Get over to Boing Boing and check out the full-piece. Pull together an attention span that can persist for more than ninety seconds, and you’ll be rewarded. I promise.

Motherfucking Wayne Newton is going to be in Fallout: New Vegas. It wasn’t like I needed another reason to be excited for the next Wasteland Party Romp, but with the reveal of the voice acting, god dammit I have it.

Kotaku:

Newton is in the game as the disembodied voice of a radio DJ long dead. Which is a bit of a shame. You’d think that were an atomic apocalypse to strike, the only things that would survive in Las Vegas would be cockroaches and Wayne Newton. And maybe Cher,

Other actors signed to lend their vocal talents to the game include Kris Kristofferson, Felicia Day, Ron Perlman, Michael “Worf” Dorn and…Matthew Perry.

Good god damn! Wayne Newton and every nerd’s dream girl Felicia Day in the same voice acting class?