You know, if fucking Sonic 4 wasn’t announced and looking beyond super-gorgeous-time, I’d be bitter as fuck watching this video. But given the state of affairs, and that Sega may finally have gotten it, it just gives me a chubby for gaming lore, and geeks.

A dudebro who goes by the name of BlobVanDam recreated Sonic & Knuckle’s Mushroom Hill Zone in widescreen 2.5D awesomeness. It’s like peering into a manifestation of everything I’ve wanted out of a Sonic game since 1999.

At 47 seconds, it’s far too short. Just enough to get the parts a bit slushy with gaming lust, and then, done. Hit the jump to check out the video.

Keep Reading »

Bioshock Infinite ain’t set in Rapture. It’s set in Columbia. And it ain’t got a Big Daddy in it. Instead, those dudes who look like steampunk-ified Big Daddies? That new version of the Daddy is a Handyman.

Destructoid:

On the latest episode of the consistently excellent Irrational Behavior podcast, the beast was given a name — the “Handyman.” Concept artist Rob Waters details the origins and evolution of the character, saying it went from featuring giant mechanic crab claws to the hands (made out of porcelain, apparently) that we see today.

“The functionality problem was that claws are for grabbing, and not for pushing or punching,” he explains. “This guy’s actual functionality was to punch.”

Interesting. They’re a clear analogue (at this point, and to me, I know) for the Big Daddies of this new universe, but they have a different name. Here’s hoping they induce the same awe and terror as the Big Daddies did. Those son of a bitches freaked me out every time I tried to drill shotgun shells into their heavily fortified face.

The big question is, what does a Handyman sound like?

I’ll always have a thing for Yeoman Chambers. Primarily since she is the classic interstellar babe that I cannot get with. Alas. That’s like, you know, every chick on the planet. Or galaxy. Particularly ones that aren’t real. But Miranda Lawson from Mass Effect 2 was a cutie as well, and these cosplay pictures of her are certain both impressive and sexy. Sexily impressive. Impressively sexy.

Keep Reading »

Vanquish is silently sneaked up on my unsuspecting by gloriously gaping ass. Shit is coming stateside, washing up upon the shores of the Empire on October 19. But!, we’re getting a demo way before then. When, yo? The demo is droppin’ on PSN and XBL on August 31. That’s soon like woah.

I can’t wait to download the fucking demo, snort a couple of pixie sticks, punch myself in the groin, and scream in painful glee for the however-too-many-minutes-short demo this son of a bitch is going to be.

Enlarge.

—-

Oh shit, Ryan Palser is the man. The dude has gone ahead and recreated the A3-21 plasma rifle from Fallout 3. And let me tell you something, I used that fucking son of a bitch a lot! I can’t even tell you how many Communist sympathizers and Super Mutant pieces of irradiated bullshit I wasted with that slab of metal, plasma, and death. Well done, Ryan Palser. Well done.

Hit the jump for more picture of those gorgeous piece of death.

Keep Reading »

Hey Ma! Yeah you, Ma! Remember when you said that video games weren’t real? And that I shouldn’t cry over Aeris dying because she was fake? And that I was a disappointment and that you were glad you had a second child to correct your mistake?! Well guess what, video games are real! And Bowser died 3,000 years ago after totally kicking all shitloads of ass I bet.

Kotaku:

This extinct species of turtle was five-feet wide and weighed half a ton. It also looks a lot like a certain Nintendo villain.

The dog nose, the horns, the beaked mouth, the (relatively) enormous size…it’s official name is Meiolania platyceps, but it may as well have been called Meiolania Bowserus, so uncanny is the resemblance to Mario’s chief antagonist.

I know, Bowser and his Koopas are supposed to look like turtles, but this one goes a little further than looking like a turtle. I think it’s the horns. And especially the eyes. Those dark, angled, evil eyes

Well then, Mom! Take that shit. If you want to apologize, I’ll be sitting down here in my basement dungeon, penning epistles to Princess Peach about how fucking hot her ass is in that pink tuft of a dress. Slide the apology under the chain-links.

Insomniac Games have been bringing the fire for ages. Or at least like, ten years? Or something? Anyways, as much as I loved the first Resistance, I was pretty fucking meh about the sequel. Today they released the official live-action trailer for Resistance 3, and all is easily forgotten. Shit has got a quality vibe, and Insomniac has even publicly acknowledged the complaints regarding the second iteration. This all gets me several shades of pumped.

Hit the jump for the official trailer.

Keep Reading »

Bask in awe, you fucking geeks! Even at my height of World of Warcraft bonery, I didn’t buy any of their collector’s edition. And with my interest in Cataclysm tepid at best, I sure as fuck ain’t springing for this $80 son of a bitch. Of course I’m still getting the game, since Blizzard owns my soul. But mean, I’m saving up for the Intergalactic Nerdcore Mass Effect 3 package, I can’t be fucking frivolous.

If you are a dedicated douchenozzle though, this is what the package entails.

Kotaku:

Art of the Cataclysm art book, featuring 176 pages of never-before-seen images from the archives of the Blizzard Entertainment cinematics department and the World of Warcraft development team, as well as progressive visuals from multiple stages of development.

Exclusive in-game pet: he may not be a breaker of worlds just yet, but Lil’ Deathwing will still proudly accompany heroes on their struggle to save Azeroth from his much, much larger counterpart.

Behind-the-scenes DVD with over an hour of developer interviews and commentaries, as well as a special Warcraft retrospective examining the rich gaming history of the Warcraft universe.
Soundtrack featuring 10 epic new tracks from Cataclysm, including exclusive bonus tracks.

Special-edition mouse pad depicting Deathwing menacing the ravaged continents of Azeroth.

World of Warcraft Trading Card Game cards, including a 60-card starter deck from the Wrathgate series, two extended-art cards, and two Collector’s Edition-exclusive hero cards, marking the first appearance of goblin and worgen heroes in the TCG.

Full disclosure? I actually think almost all of the content is dope, save for the Wizards Cards and the mouse pad. Making-Of DVDs are some of my favorite shit in the world, and the artwork of WoW has always been gorgeous. Buy it for me, someone, treat me to a glorious Christmas present for all the prose I rattle off for you.

Source: Destructoid / Enlarge.

God damn! The things you can buy with money. Wait, that doesn’t make sense. Let’s try this again. God damn! The things you can buy with $30,000. I mean, that’s thirty-thousand Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. What can you get for that many bacon cheeseburgers? How about an entire fucking video game store? I’m in man, I’m in like wut!

Destructoid:

Damn, you really can buy just about anything on eBay. Today there’s a whole freakin’ videogame store   on the website, priced now at $30,000. So what does your $30k buy? You get either the active store, located in Grand Junction, Colorado, or its inventory. The store has thousands of games for every system as well as accessories, controllers and the shelves and dispalys to sell them on. Apparently there’s over $60,000 worth of inventory.

The seller says the Buy It Now price gets you free delivery within 750 miles.

Anyone want to go in with me on this? I just need you to drum up something like $29,500, and I’ll provide the rest. I know, it probably seems like you’re towing most of the weight when it comes towards buying the store. But, I’ll make you a deal. You front the majority of the money, and I’ll put your picture on Omega Level, and write a very kind letter about you for the entire world to see on this fair page.

Solid deal, no?

Well, snap! I figured that when EA gobbled up BioWare, they’d be porting a cash cow like the Mass Effect series onto multiple consoles. But! But then Mass Effect 2 came and went on the 360 and nothin’ happened. Well, such sentiments were portentous, just took a bit longer than I expected. January, 2011, Mass Effect 2 comes to the fuggin’ Playstation 3.

Kotaku:

During the EA press conference at GamesCom in Cologne, Germany, BioWare’s Dr. Ray revealed that the second game in the Mass Effect series would hit the PlayStation 3 in January.

Is there anything else to say? It’s Mass Effect, and it’s coming to the PlayStation 3. Let’s hear us some cheers, PlayStation 3 owners!

UPDATE: The official press release for the PS3 edition includes the line: “The PlayStation 3 edition will include the full Mass Effect 2 game and hours of bonus content.” We’ve asked an EA spokesperson for clarification about whether that refers to new gameplay sequences or what.

Good news for all my scrub friends who only own a PS3. However, this shit could be bad fucking news for my wallet, if the PS3-port comes with anything resembling new content. Son of a fucking bitch! If there’s even a single new scenario, my fanboy ass is going to have to double-dip. Which means, they know that there are people like me out there, and it will in fact include marginal new content to rope me in.

Fuck. Hit the jump for the Playstation 3 teaser.

Keep Reading »