Gawd dang! This shit is the hotness. Behold the resplendent glory that is Star Wars: Falcon Gunner by Vertigore Games. The game uses augmented reality gorgeousness to allow you to blast Tie Fighters in your cityscape. Or I assume backyard(scape) or ice hockey rink(scape). Hit the jump to check this out in motion.

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Despite all my lamenting about Fallout: New Vegas, last night had me running around out of my god damn mind. Giggling, like a motherfucking mad man. I have this issue where when I make someone explode with a violent weapon, it induces all sorts of insane glee in the bowels of my soul. Nothing makes me happier than launching a concussive blast sent to dismember and liquefy someone dumb enough to cross my path.

I noticed this dementia when playing through Fallout 3. I was playing the game while Mrs. Caffeine Powered looked on, and eventually I began to notice she looked worried. Shrug. I continued playing. But the fretting continued! What the fuck was this shit. She looked uncomfortable. At some point I noticed that every time I shot someone with my gauss rifle, the poor son of a bitch would be sorted into a bunch of bloodied and mushy parts. Smashed, vaporized, and sent flying through the air.

However, the next connection was even more important. Every single time that I ripped some errant douchebag apart with my rifle, I laughed. Out loud. To myself. Every single time. I don’t know why I was laughing out loud. You see, when I play by myself, usually these exploding bodies just make me smile. Broadly, and with empty, insane eyes.

Perhaps I was trying to convey my enthusiasm to my girlfriend. “You see honey! Do you see how they explode into bits! I did that! For you! Isn’t it fantastic? SAY YES OR I’LL HIDE YOUR BODY SO WELL.”

This sort of head-exploding nightmare dance party hadn’t really gotten underway in my playthrough of New Vegas. Until last night. Yes, last night I was finally reunited with my favorite wasteland friends: power armor, and a gauss rifle. It was a reunion drenched in blood and hugs. I suited up, loaded up, and shimmied my way through my pirouetting dance of death. Finally, New Vegas had begun to make sense to me.

Fire! Slow-motion explode. Body parts everywhere. Smile. Fire! Concussive blast liquiefying a body. Smile. Fire! My smile broadened and broadened. Life was good. I let it be known to frequent commenter The Dude exactly how I was feeling about my current situation in the Wasteland.

12:02:26 AM Ian: I’m clad in power armor, wielding a gauss rifle. I can hear the voice of god screaming murder.

Exceptional! There’s something about an exploding body that just speaks to me. It’s probably speaking to all the broken synapses held down and pinned into something resembling functioning by anti-psychotics, but who is keeping track? Those synapses need attention too.

I was pretty stoked to buy Cataclysm next month at the midnight release. I had done so for Wrath of the Lich King, and the experience was pretty righteous. I bombed home, installed it, and ran some dungeons with friends until the early morning. I planned on doing the same for Cataclysm. But now I can’t.

Why?

‘Cause I live on the East coast. So despite being able to buy the game at midnight, I can’t play it until the servers go live. At midnight, Pacific Standard Time. Motherfuckers!

Kotaku:

Blizzard nailed down the launch time for World of Warcraft: Cataclysm today in a statement that clarifies several bits of information about the upcoming expansion pack. With the availability of Cataclysm as on online purchase, a first in World of Warcraft expansion history, Blizzard is redoing the way it launches expansions. Instead of having East Coast servers up at 12AM Eastern and West Coast servers up at 12AM Pacific, the whole shebang goes up according to Pacific time.

Blizzard, you fucking cocksmiths! This shit cheeses me off, like few things do. I know the argument is that us superior, East Coast dwellers would get a head start on all of those in the left coast. Well, fucking too bad! Instead, they’re making all of us run out, stand in line with other sweaty and dick-smelling dorks, only to have to come home and wait three hours? God fucking dammit. No, seriously. God fucking dammit! Who cares if we get a three hours advance window? Well, I suppose other people who can’t play it yet.

But still!

Blizzard wants the entire universe to launch simultaneously, I suppose. Well, that makes sense. But I still fucking hate it.

[Image: Kotaku]

I’m not a lawyer. I don’t have legal knowledge. I can’t make an informed decision, to be honest. My initial response to everything is always “Anarchy! Anarchy! Burn it down, blow it up!” So my gut tells me that in the video game trial beginning today in California, I’m siding with the notion that video games should be protected under the first amendment. But please refer to the first couple of sentences, word?

The case unto itself is becoming quite a big fucking deal, with even heavies like Rush Limbaugh weighing in. Surprisingly (to me), weighing in in favor of video games being protected.

Unaware, or behind in the controversy? Stephen Totilo at Kotaku does an excellent job of distilling the case into tasty, easily consumable morsels.

Totilo:

The United States Supreme Court is hearing that video game case this week, right? Right. The State of California vs. The Entertainment Merchants Association and Entertainment Software Association (aka “The Video Game Industry”). Oral arguments begin at the Supreme Court in front of Justices Roberts, Thomas, Kagan and the rest on Tuesday at 10am ET.

What’s it about, again? Whether violent video games should be treated like pornography – in other words, whether there can be a type of violent video game that would be legal to sell to adults but illegal to sell to kids.

Oh, like R-rated movies? No, not like R-rated movies. It’s legal in the United States for a kid to go see an R-rated movie, even if it’s against the rules set forth by the movie industry. The only kind of movies that are illegal for kids to see are obscene ones (they’re illegal for anyone to sell to anyone of any age). Those movies would fall under a special category defined by the Supreme Court in the late 60s for certain kinds of sexual material. California wants violent video games to be treated like that extreme sexual content, something no violent movies, books or magazines are subject to.

So who got the idea that violent video games should be treated like Hustler magazine? The government of California and a bunch of other states. They’ve been trying to get this on the books for much of the past decade.

Do yourself a solid and read the entire article over at Kotaku. It’ll get you up to speed. So whether you agree with it or not, this case has some serious ramifications.

Remember the Red Shirt Guy, who I dubbed Maxwell and immortalized in last Friday’s Press Start? Well, not only is Maxwell the coolest son of a bitch ever, but he’s also being added to the upcoming expansion pack, Cataclysm. Like, no, really.

Kotaku:

“Red Shirt Guy”, who shot to internet fame last week for his intimidatingly deep knowledge of World of Warcraft lore, has been turned into a character in the game’s latest expansion by developers Blizzard.

That’s him there on the right – Wildhammer Fact Checker – complete with his red shirt.

Before you cry fake, Blizzard’s Lead World Designer Alex Afrasiabi popped onto the WoW forums to confirm that he is indeed a real character in the World of Warcraft: Cataclysm. Congratulations, Red Shirt Guy; fleeting internet fame is one thing, but being immortalised in the game (or at least in its beta) you love is something way cooler.

Fucking outstanding. You have to give props to Blizzard for continuously implementing community phenomenons into the game itself. Maxwell! You are a fucking hero to us all, and now you’re further enshrined in polygon. Well done, you sexy son of a bitch.

Back in the day, before Bungie had made Master Chief fanboy douchebags out of all of us, they were a bit strapped for cash. Looking for a sugar daddy to support them, former project lead Tuncer Deniz decided to hit up Daddy Stevey Jobs for some cash flow. Too busy trying to figure out ways to exploit all of us with over-priced, sexy, shiny objects (I’m a sucker for it), Jobs decided to demur and pass on the then fledgling studio.

For a bit.

Somewhere in his cranium, Jobs then decided that he would indeed like to very much purchase them. The only problem? Motherfuckin’ archnemesis Microsoft had swooped in, and bought them all up and shit. This did nothing less than send Steve Jobs into a Hulk-like rage.

Kotaku:

As soon as we announced we bought Bungie, Steve Jobs called,” former Microsoft VP of game publishing Ed Fries tells Develop.

“He was mad at [Microsoft CEO Steve] Ballmer and phoned him up and was angry because we’d just bought the premier Mac game developer and made them an Xbox developer.”

He was so mad, in fact, that he needed to be called and talked back from the outskirts of cranky town.

Pretty fucking interesting, to say the least. What would have happened if Apple hadn’t been too late in snagging Bungie? Would all of us douchebag Master Chief boner-worshippers never have come aboard the Halo train? Or would all of the Xbots of the world simply been Mac dickheads? I shudder at the thought, since god knows there’s a lot of them already.

Steve Ballmer is lucky that Jobs didn’t take that motherfucker out. This is the same Steve Jobs that commands the Hand, and was stopped in an airport because he was trying to smuggle ninja stars onto his own private jet. You don’t fuck with shit like that! Jobs will cut you. Cut you deep, and wear your head on his cock like fucking Patrick Bateman. I’ve seen it.

Intriguing stuff.

Good god damn. I need me some Dragon Age II. Like, really bad. I’m almost done with the original. Would have been done, if not for something called the Mojave Wasteland. And I love the game, a lot. But everything I’ve seen regarding the sequel screams one thing: this game is like the original, but better in every fucking way. That, my friends, is a great thing. The most prominent improvement for me is the introduction of a Shepard-esque protagonist. I need my main character to do something as crazy as speak and have a serious role in the plot.

On top of better graphics, seemingly better direction, and everything else? My loins swell with glee. Hit the jump for the newest trailer, “Rise To Power.”

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[Source: Super Punch]

Oh shit! I love me some Diablo III. I’ve been geeking out about it since it was revealed last year. I wants it, I needs it. My own, my precious! Ain’t nothing I want to do more than chase down El Diablo with a shitload of friends. Today at Blizzcon, Blizzard dropped the final class on us: the Demon Hunter. Fucking hotness. Hit the jump for the reveal video.

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Apparently there is a dude who goes by the handle of Desk. And he is strong with the Super Street Fighter IV force. I am not. But Desk, this Desk chap, he can deliver the combo goodness. Homeboy is challenging anyone on the interwebs to replicate his 126-hit combo with Ms. Chun Li. Anyone who can pull it off will net a sweet $50. Now listen, I’m fucking hopeless. I can’t string together anything beyond a five-hit combo, and that’s only with Ryu! Why do I play as Ryu? Because when I was little, he was neat. Yeah, I said it. I’m one of those legion of Street Fighter gamers who never grew up, and just wants to throw fireballs ad nauseum.

Hit the jump to check out the video of Desk’s combo. And then do it, do it for me.

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