Marvel Vs Capcom 3 is going to be the perfect bonerstorm of fan service. Between the Capcom characters, and the Marvel characters, and the idea of staring at She-Hulk’s seemingly endless taut green buns, how are we going to fucking function? Insane!

Today brought us the reveals of She-Hulk and Zero. Goddamn, I need this game. So I can get schooled by a pack of douchebags who will assuredly make me hit myself.

Hit the Jump!, for the reveal videos.

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Someone call the fucking Thought Police, cause Kinect is staring at you, reporting you to Big Brother. Seriously, how fucking creepy is this?

Kotaku:

Speaking at an investor’s conference on Thursday, a Microsoft executive offered that Kinect not only knows how many are in the room when an ad’s shown, but what kind of team colors they might be wearing. Uh-oh.

How Orwellian is this shit? This sounds amazingly like the point in 1984 when everyone has to go through their morning exercise routines while the television prompter watched. Except now, they’ve merely tricked you into playing Dance Central Titty And Dong Shake Time. Yessir. It’s the same deal. They’re spying on you. But they wised up, and they’re not as obvious about it as they were in Orwell’s novel. They wised up, and drizzled their eerie spying in glitter and pom-poms!

Creepy shit! I mean, instead of being forced into this creepy Big Brother environment, we’re instead giving the keys to our souls willingly to giant corporations and marketing entities. But watch the fuck out next time you’re boning your hand in front of your Kinect! Kinect sees all. Kinect knows all. Kinect is selling your attributes to the highest bidder, so they can stream advertisements subliminally into your skull while you sleep at night. Laugh all you want, it’s fucking happening!

[Source: Renée Chio via Gamefreaks]

[For Sale At: theSKIDshop via Gamefreaks]

What a ridiculously gorgeous print for one of the prettiest, goosebumps-tingly-time games I’ve ever paid.

Looking for more reasons to hate Kinect? Well, how about that piece of shit that costs $150 only costs $56 to put together? Would that chap your ass? Ignite your asshole in rage?

Destructoid:

We all know Microsoft is selling Kinect at a tidy profit, but according to a recent report on the cost of parts, it borders on the obscene. The parts to put Kinect together cost roughly $56, meaning the $150 gadget is raking in quite a few pennies per sale.

“Basically, the strength of the design is the huge design win for the Israeli fabless company PrimeSense,” says  UBM TechInsights marketing manager  Allan Yogasingam. “They’ve provided the most innovative portion of the Kinect with their image processor, audio and video interface.”

I think the obvious caveat is that this son of a bitch cost a fucking shit ton in research and development. So although they may be able to slap this thing together relatively cheaply, there’s some serious money that went into creating it. I mean, fuck, the original prototype cost $30,000. Still though, you have to sit there and irrationally swear that they’re marking the piece of crap up a hundred dollars. Just ignore the other side of the argument and get pissed fanboys and fangirls. Pissed!

Theo Watson is a man with some impressive skills. Well, to me at least. I don’t know if he’s like, totally wizard or whatever to other geniuses. But to me? Dude is awesome. The good chap has hacked a Microsoft Kinect, and gotten it to run on a Mac OS. Barely a week after launch! Guffaw! I don’t know the practical applications of it up to this point, but I’m not sure there’s a practical application I can think of for Kinect, in any regard.

None the less, it’s pretty cool. And with this talented man opening up the Kinect to the Mac OS, I can only assume it’ll thusly open up possibility for other people to fuck around with.

Hit the jump for a video of it in motion.

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[Click to Enlarge. Source: Dueling Analogs via Gamefreaks]

This comic strip is amazing. And a beyond accurate representation of the invigorating and intellectually stimulating Xbox Live environment. While a Halo strip, I can assure you that a Modern Warfare 2 restaurant would bring the same quality conversation and ambiance.

Oh shit! The Call of Duty: Black Ops opening day crushes everything! A face full of steel to Avatar! A molotov cocktail upside the dumb face of Master Chief and his squadron of Spartans. Black Ops had the biggest opening day ever in entertainment history. That’s right, beating even the illustrious Modern Warfare 2.

How big is the biggest opening day ever in entertainment history? How about 5.6 million copies in the United States and United Kingdom.

Jesus good Lord god damn Christ.

Kotaku:

Activision executive Thomas Tippl told an audience of investors in New York that Black Ops has sold $360 million worth of copies in its first 24 hours of release in North America and the U.K. this week, compared to $310 million in the first day of release for Modern Warfare 2 a year ago. Modern Warfare 2 sold a mere 4.7 million copies.

While not an indication of quality by any means, I’m interested in the fact that Black Ops outsold Modern Warfare 2. The developers of MW2, Infinity Ward, and the boys behind Black Ops, Treyarch have never been the best of buddies. And there are considerable divisions between fanboys and fangirls of the two development houses. Douches who swear by World at War while using any opportunity to deride Modern Warfare 2. Then there’s the MW2 dildos, who will shit on anything tied to Treyarch, and their installments.

What is confirmed is my belief that despite their griping from either side of this divide, Call of Duty fans are dirty whores for the franchise. Despite what they may claim, they’ll buy anything. They bought Modern Warfare 2, and then despite Black Ops being developed by measly Treyarch, they bought this son of a bitch in droves as well.

Me? I look to shoot people in the face. In modern times, and in the Cold War. I’m going to be open with you goons, if it’s got Call of Duty on the front, I’m going to be interested enough to buy it. I am the self-admitted sucker.

Nintendo sure knows how to suck the fucking fun out of things: roll up and trademark a cultural phrase. “It’s On Like Donkey Kong!” has been a geek phrase for a while now. In case you didn’t miss it, you drop this phrase when shit is really about to pop off. Shit is getting serious! So Nintendo, like some confused parent trying to be cool, has decided to co-op the phrase. By filing a trademark for it. You fucking geeks. They want to use it to promote their forthcoming game, Donkey Kong Country Returns.

Guys, c’mon. First off, you don’t need that phrase to promote the game. It didn’t work as a phrase to promote Scott Pilgrim, did it? And secondly, did you really need to trademark it to use it in your campaign?

Whatever the case, they’ve taken back the phrase. Officially commodified it. Which, in case they don’t follow pop culture, makes it instantly thirty-thousand times less cool.

I stand motherfuckin’ corrected. I used to think that unboxing videos were the lamest fucking thing ever. A silent dork, in a dark room, one hand on his cock, the other on a shaky camera. Naw son, they aren’t all worthless. Why? ‘Cause Ice-T’s unboxing of Call of Duty: Black Ops is the most amazing thing I’ve seen in a while. It’s four minutes of motherfuckin’ hilarity, with some of the most classic lives in a while. Watch as Ice-T yells that he’s going to cum as the stage loads. Watch as he tells everyone to suck his ass.

I’m not lying when I say that I think Ice-T is the fucking man. I’ll reiterate the reasons: dope ass gamer, wife with a rump that fucking slays, and he holds down a role on a fucking Law and Order show. He’s a hero of mine, and goddamn I want to hang out with him.

Hit the jump to check out the only fucking Call of Duty: Black Ops video you’ll ever need to see. Promise. Pinky Swear.

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