#Video Games
‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ official box art. EVERYBODY SCREAM.
Is this a big deal? The Inter-Netz have made me feel like the unveiling of the Grand Theft Auto V box art is a big deal. Personally, I don’t give a shit. However, for those of you who have been anticipating this — I hope it blows your tits clear through the wall.
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Press Start: No News For April Fools
It’s after this holiest of holy weekends that I like to give thanks to the lord baby Jesus for giving us the gift of video games, for introducing the concept of extra lives and, most importantly, dying for our sins so that we are all able to wallow in our own filth whilst we gaze into the screen for an entire weekend, shoveling poultry and confectionery down our unrelenting gullets.
Thank you, Jesus.
‘FAR CRY 3: BLOOD DRAGON’ is the 80’s SCI-FI METAL VOMIT you need.
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon is everything a science-fiction heavy metal asshole like myself wants in life. It appears to be all of the Far Cry 3 that blew my asshole out, wrapped around a delicious sci-fi 1980s motif. If this is some sort of April Fool’s joke, someone is getting punched right in the fucking neck. We’re talking crushed something-suches in their spinal column and shit.
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ NEWS: New class, new cap, new DLC. Holy f**k.
A goddamn boatload of Borderlands 2 news dropped yesterday at PAX East. It is a mighty good thing I wasn’t there, for I would have dropped trousers and charged the stage. In my culture, nothing conveys excitement like a stinky little penis head being rubbed on the chair of whomever has done you right. But uh yeah, here is the info.
I’ve been to Columbia – Bioshock Infinite
It’s eerie to waltz around a world I’ve seen in trailers on and off since 2011. Eerie and awe-inspiring. Columbia is another City 17; avid gamers will hopefully feel happy to hear me draw the comparison.
There’s been so much said about the game, both from two years’ worth of previews and advance (groan) exclusive reviews over the past week. I won’t waste your time with fluff; here are some (spoiler-free) thoughts from my five-hour foray into Columbia so far.
Capcom is remaking ‘DUCKTALES’, every gamer my age s**ts themselves.
Capcom has laid down a Mega-Ton Bombage today, rocking people of my proclivities (gaming) and age (old). The company is remastering the classic platformer DuckTales. A quick scan of my Twitter and Facebook feed confirms that this is giving most of the people I know raging sex glands.
Check it: ‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ reversible cover pics.
Remember when everyone was freaking out about how generic BioShock Infinite’s cover was? And Levine was all, “chill out. We need to do it”? And then they offered a vote for a reversible cover? Here are some pictures of the end product. In Japanese. Hey, don’t get choosy on me now.
Leak reinforces idea that NEW XBOX will be always-connected. Bleh.
Last time I posted about the possibility that the new Xbox will be always-on, more than one person pointed out what a dangerous roll of the dice this would be. You know, always-on games and always-on consoles are two beasts. How many people would Microsoft lose out on, from this policy alone? And what would the risks be? Look at the fucking SimCity debacle. So I was convinced that it probably wasn’t going to happen. Now? Now I am not so sure.
‘TRANSISTOR’ Reveal Trailer: Developers of ‘BASTION’ milk my sci-fi glands. Frak yeah.
The developers of Bastion seem poised to deliver another glory unto my undeserving ass. Fuck yeah! The trailer for Transistor features the same gorgeous art design as Bastion. However, this time it is used to coat a world in glorious cyberpunk paint. Yes, Supergiant. I will take your isometric Action RPG. I will rub it on my body, calling your name into the night. I am ready.
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ Combat Trailer: Puke from the awesomeness
Mine eyes cannot comprehend the beauty of this BioShock Infinite trailer. In less than six days, I’ll be running around all vigorous, skyhooking myself to shit and pew-pewing like a mofuckah. The Faux Bot will be doing the same thing, and we will do it together courtesy of Skype. Two dudes, no shirts, pictures of Ken Levine covered in fluid.
