#Video Games
‘TOMB RAIDER’ going to pass 6 million in sales; franchise’s best-selling installment
I dug Tomb Raider. It was Uncharted meets Katniss, and that is fucking perfect to me. Ain’t no Hunger Games…game (I think?) and Nathan Drake is off getting his beauty sleep before being revealed in 1080p glory on the PS4. Others must have felt the same way as myself too, cause the son of a bitch is going to wind up selling like hot cakes.
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EXPECTED: Sony is making ‘THE LAST OF US’ into a movie.
“Oh God, why do they have to adapt this? Good fucking luck!”, “Oh God, they’re adapting this flick, it would be perfect.” And I’m like in the middle of this shit covered in spittle, eating popcorn in my boxer-briefs, and dipping the kernels in the peanut butter smegma in my navel. Just sort of shrugging.
Japanese Prime Minister thinks country can learn from Super Mario.
Listen, I think we can all learn from Super Mario. Eat shrooms. Trip balls. Grow larger on the Astral Plane. However Japan’s Prime Minister thinks their nation can learn in a different manner from the country.
SHAQ wants your asses to fund new ‘SHAQ FU’ game, ‘Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn.’
Self-aggrandizing douchebag basketball Hall of Famer actor rapper video game star Shaq once had a video game. It was really fucking terrible in a sort of really fucking awesome manner. Now out of pro hoops and oscillating between getting fat and sports commentary, the athlete-guy is returning to his true love. His video game franchise.
‘WATCH DOGS’ TRAILER & LAUNCH DATE: HAX THE PLANET W/CYBERPUNK BABES
Another day, another really dope trailer I can only pass along (and not watch) because I’m at work. No audio! Whatever. I’ll drop the impressions in the comments later. Also fucking dope: Watch Dogs finally has a release date. May 27! Boom.
Hit the jump for the trailer.
New batch of ‘INFAMOUS: SECOND SON’ screens for UR NEXT-GEN GUTS
I’m pretty gnarlstokedjacked for inFamous: Beanie Douchebag Gear. Despite my utter disdain for the protagonist’s appearance, the game appears to let you rock out in an unfathomably gorgeous world with some tasty superhero powers. There’s a new batch of screens for the game that have dropped, and they’re only further tempting me to drop. Drop trou.
SEINFELD x OCULUS RIFT = This VR Is Making Me Thirsty?
The Oculus Rift has been employed to explore all sorts places, things. You can get your head off! You can fly! You can…explore Seinfeld’s apartment! Sit down on the coach and make somewhat banal but amsing observations while the laugh track lulls you to sleep. Seriously though: sort of neat.
‘UNCHARTED’ creative director AMY HENNIG leaves Naughty Dog. Perhaps pushed out. #BackroomDealings
The main brain-piece behind the Uncharted franchise has peaced the fuck out of Naughty Dog. Amid reports that the minds behind The Last of Us did some squeezing of her out, Sony has confirmed the departure today. I’m really hoping that this doesn’t impact the quality of the next Uncharted, but if she’s being squeezed out, it ain’t by fools of lesser capabilities. Maybe? #GamingBackRoomPolitics
PS4 sales have passed SIX MILLION UNITS across the globe. Dolla Dolla Something?
The PS4 doesn’t seem to have any lack of selling power. After dropping in Japan, the son of a bitch 370,000 systems in its native country in just over a week. With those numbers ingested into the enormo-corpus of the PS4 Leviathan, sales have now broken the six-million mark.
‘GOAT SIMULATOR’ SMASHING ONTO STEAM APRIL FOOL’S DAY. Get On Goat’s Level
Goats are pieces of shit. Unrepentant, spitting, biting dickheads who occasionally rip up the Internet by yelling in a manner eerily similar to humans. Good news, though. Thanks to Coffee Stain Studios, we’re going to be able to engage in such piece of shit behaviors ourselves come April Fool’s Day. Or as it shall be known henceforth, Douchebag Goat Day.
