I hadn’t been covering Search Engine Terms lately, because there wasn’t anything new and truly extraordinary. Plus, I realized that if I want you, my friends, to be able to read my crap at work, I should probably stop posting links like “BRUCE WAYNE’S JISM NIPPLES” on Facebook. So I’ll take that into consideration. But this one is truly head-scratching:

Orifice Abuse Horizon Tentacles. Hm. I definitely know what orifice abuse is, but horizon tentacles? Huh? I got confused. Then I hit Google up, and apparently, there’s a hentai called Orifice Abuse – Horizon of Tentacles. Amazing.

And don’t think you were getting off the hook, Mr. or Mrs. World of Warcraft cumshots! What exactly where you searching for? Arthas climaxing onto Yogg-Saron? I’m sorry to disappoint. But welcome to the my adobe, I’ll treat you well.

With so many releases on the horizon, it’s easy to lose track of some real gems. Next Tuesday’ll see me blasting new Every Time I Die, Kid Cudi, Thrice, the Protest the Hero DVD and maybe, just maybe, new Megadeth (probably not). Yes, there’s a lot on my plate.

But not so much that I should have lost sight of The Great Misdirect, Between the Buried and Me’s fifth studio album. Come October 27^th we’ll finally have the follow-up to Colors, the 2007 effort that I believe to be one of the most important rock albums of the last ten years. I’m not going to ramble about why Colors is amazing — just sit down and listen (from start to finish) for yourself. If you’re not blown away on some level, I’m not sure you know what music is all about.

Other than a few studio updates and a teaser track on Myspace, BTBAM seem to be keeping The Great Misdirect under lock and key. But it was brought to my attention that a couple of new tracks were premiered live; of course, it only follows suit that some fan captured them (on what seems to be an iPhone) and uploaded them to YouTube.

The quality isn’t great, but it’s good enough. The new material presented is equal parts aggression, melody, musical showcase, straight-ahead groove and mind-bending brutality. Check out the video after the jump.

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Ah, Saturdays. Slow days for Omega Level. Thankfully, I have a crew of intrepid spies who work for me overtime. And I was surprised today when I came across an e-mail in my in-box. The title was “Chris Brown’s New Song Confirms He IS A Flesh-Eating Zombie.” Weird, right? And then I heard it, and well…it’s disturbing. Let’s just put it that way. Confused, I sent off an e-mail to Brown’s PR Manager. Yeah, I got the mad connections. I received an e-mail explaining the suspicious new song:

You see, we realize that a lot of sensitive people may be upset about the fact that Chris Brown is a piece of filth. And in order to combat the knowledge that he is a woman-beating, flesh-eating monster, we could only do one thing. Try and make eating people cool.

Well, that explains it. I’m not at liberty to leak the actual .mp3, but I can tell you the title: Lemme Bite Chu. That’s right, Lemme Bite Chu. And I could get in a lot of trouble, but I’m even going to give you the chorus to the song:

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Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn Fucking. Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time for that search to yield our website. You’ve upped the ante, Boner-In-Hand-Nerd. Bravo.

Pepsibones and I talk about these website searches, and he was like:

It’s great that people find our site using these search terms…but it’d be nice if they actually came back.

So, if you want guys, I can start commissioning pictures of these search terms, so it’s not a total loss.

By that I mean Pepsibones, four Rockstar energy drinks, and MS Paint.

It’ll be glorious.

That awful scent wafting off of the guy wearing the Stratovarius shirt at the next convention you go to may stink of something different. No, that’s not unwashed ass you smell, it may in fact be death. Muwahaha!

The H1N1 flu, aka as Mrs. Piggy’s Strand of Expiration apparently showed up at PAX last weekend:

Via Kotaku:

The official PAX Twitter account wrote today “Just heard of our first test-confirmed swine flu case at the show. PLEASE if you feel symptoms (fever, etc) go to the doctor.” That’s potentially alarming news for the approximately 60,000-plus estimated attendees of this year’s. We contacted Penny Arcade reps to get more details on the reports of Swine Flu.

The Nerd Community’s equivalent of the Bubonic Plague may have just struck. Take some theraflu, see your doctor, and spend a couple days in your dungeon of choice.

HELL YEAH BRUCE WAYNE NAKED! Welcome to the abode, fellow pervert. Seriously though, I question your taste. At the very least, if I’m going to get a boner from Bruce Wayne/Batman, he’s going to have to be wearing the mask. He can hit me in any position as long as I can grab onto those ears. There are countless hot billionaires, but there’s only one naked Batman.

Guess what, Dick Grayson is the hottest! I’m glad someone searched Dick Grayson Hottest and found us! Welcome my child, you have found a new home.

In fact, what could be hotter than DICK GRAYSON?! Dick Grayson and Poison Ivy Cumshots! That’s right, someone searched Poison Ivy Cumshots and they were shuttled to our humble inter-abode.

I’m glad that when I think “Ian, you’re so fucked up, why do you find Ivy’s slithering vines so erotic?”, someone else comes along and informs me they’re searching the internet for Poison Ivy getting ejaculate all over her.

And the only way to make this post right, would be by suggesting that the hottest, Dick Grayson, supply the splooge.

Yes, I commandeered a computer powered by Cows and Moonshine to make this post out in central New York. Merry fucking Labor Day!

A final post before a weekend in Cow Country. Or as I call it, “The Great Unblemished.” Far away from the mega-malls and the sprawling vomited forth bastard of the land big box superdepartmentatrons.

I’ll be shaking from withdrawal with the internets by early evening. No 3G network! No continuous opening of Word Press! OMFG. I can’t surf the stream unlimited for nine hours, posting random posts brimming with uber-vulgarity! I’m not kidding, it’s going to be difficult.

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Well, you know how I pioneered the “Supermanfuck!”

If you’ve forgotten, it’s when you’re having sex in the missionary position. And you lay down on your boyfriend/girlfriend, and you put both hands out like you’re flying. Assuming the iconic Superman mid-flight position. It’s brilliant. Still haven’t tried it.

Anyways.

I’m now combining it with my crush of the moment, Christina Hendricks. I’ve decided she’s literally the perfect woman to share your performance of the Supermanfuck with. Why?

Sam and I were watching an episode of Mad Men, and some guy is making out with Joan (her character). And because of her ample bosoms, the dude is literally floating above her. He’s got to be five feet in the air, resting on her cleavage. That’s how much of a bosom this beautiful woman has. And it has hit me, she is perfect for this position. If you can land on top of Christina Hendricks, and you hit the Supermanfuck!, you’ll literally find yourself flying above the most gorgeous woman on television.

You go, Superman!