The Green Lantern Trailer is finally upon us, after last week’s cockteasing from Entertainment Tonight. I’ll divide the trailer into two distinct halves.

The first is Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds. Not only is Hal Jordan apparently written like another Reynolds douchebag cast-off, which he isn’t in the comic books, but Reynolds himself is just doing his same old thing. He isn’t inhabiting a character, he’s draping his schtick over a mythos. Let me be clear, the parts where he’s acting fucking suck, and my dick shrinks a little bit.

Also, Blake Lively, I’m glad to see you dispell any sort of notion that you could act that you may have given us in The Town.

The second is that the epic bullshit that goes down in the trailer really snagged my geek balls. Like, I dug on it a lot. The whole flying through space thing? Sweet. Seeing Oa? Sweet.

Unfortunately, Reynolds Being Reynolds As Jordan has smashed apart any sort of expectations I may have had for the movie. I’m hoping I’m wrong, and that as he matures through the movie he’ll become something resembling anything other than Hey Guys I’m Ryan Reynolds.

Hit the jump to check out the trailer. Then hit the comments box with your thoughts. I’m very interested to gauge the response from you guys.

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Entertainment Tonight is going to drop the first Green Lantern trailer on our asses next Tuesday. This is ahead of it premiering with part one of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Well!, being in the time we live in, there’s a teaser trailer for the trailer that is going to air on Entertainment Weekly. A box inside a box inside a box inside a box, or something?

Off the cuff impressions? I didn’t like Ryan Reynolds as the Green Lantern when he was cast. And I dig the dude in the right role. This teaser? It’s miniscule, and far from enough to judge with, but since I’m going to anyways? Not digging his delivery. It isn’t Hal Jordan, it’s Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds, as he is almost always wont to do.

Hit the jump to check out the trailer. And then hit the comments box with your thoughts and impressions on what can fairly be described as far too little to judge something with. [But let’s do it anyways.]

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Apparently, there’s two major female roles that Christopher Nolan is currently casting for the next Batman flick, The Dark Knight Rises. One of them is going to be a love interest, and the other is going to be a fucking villain! Good Jesus Christ, could Talia al Ghul really be entering Nolan’s Batverse? Pepsibones and I are silently splooging at the possibility.

Anyways!, want the short list of actors Nolan’s allegedly looking at? That’s why you’re fucking here!

io9:

Rachel Weisz
Naomi Watts
Blake Lively
Natalie Portman
Anne Hathaway
Keira Knightley

Thoughts? Reactions on the list? I’d be like a fucking pig in shit if they could pull Portman or Weisz into the goddamn Batman’s next flick. Anne Hathaway? Eh. Blake Lively? Meh. Keira Knightley? Fuck now. Hit the comments box with your own feelings. Get inside yourself, and fondle around for a reaction.

Narrative is the most powerful tool on the planet.

From personal anecdotes to sprawling epics of adventure, storytelling is the means by which the human race has made sense of existence. Which is important, because the human condition, when one takes the time to really break it down, is nothing short of baffling. We are evolved primates, cruising around the sun on a space-rock that hits 67,000 mile per hour, using technology we don’t even understand, and participating in societies founded by our ancestors. It’s goddamn insanity.

And I love it.

But what really gets me amped is the idea that art can help dispel the notion that the universe is nothing more than a giant abyss of nothingness and meaninglessness. It might be — I don’t know, I’m neither a philosopher nor an astrophysicist. But as I get older, I can’t kill the feeling that there are greater forces at play than I can ever possibly conceptualize or articulate.

Before words are put in my mouth, let me forewarn: I’m not declaring a newfound belief in God or revelation about the afterlife or some shit. My agnosticism is strong. What I am saying is that it’s pretty heavy to think of how much our lives can be changed, directed, and enlightened by stories. And what’s even heavier is the fact that, whether by clandestine design or sheer coincidence, there are connections amongst the storytellers, the viewers, and the content.

I have ascended The Holy Mountain and can attest that it is a strange, wonderful place.

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Slashfilm has posted a shit load of pictures from the upcoming Captain America movie. These latest puppies showcase Hydra tanks from the battle of Something Something Top Secret during the second World War. Get ready comic book geeks! I instruct you to do your job and inspect these pictures. Comb the tanks for inaccuracies, and then post about them at Ain’t It Cool! It’s your duty. But you already knew that, you assholes.

Hit the jump for the pictures.

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The final trailer for Tron: Legacy dropped yesterday, and it’s fucking stupendous. I didn’t think I could be any more excited for this movie. I mean, I’ve gone over the reasons that it’s going to inspire a back-aching boner in my nerd loins. It’s got technogadgets, hot ass women in latex, the Dude, and action sequences. Well. Yesterday’s trailer featured even more chicks in latex, some plot points, but most importantly, action beyond what I even expected. I need to see this movie.

Hit the jump for the final trailer.

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[Source: io9, Click to Enlarge.]

Back in 1978, the man behind the stature of Vader, David Prowse dropped a bombshell on an adoring crowd in Berkeley, California. He revealed that he was, in fact, Luke Skywalker’s father. The crowd went bananas batshit about the information. The most impressive part? The dude was probably full of shit.

As everyone knows by know, even George Lucas didn’t have a fucking clue who Luke’s father was. His father’s identity was bandied about, and for a while it was considered to be Obi-Wan. In fact, even when it was decided that it was Vader, Lucas had Prowse say the lines “Obi-Wan killed your father!” (fixed to save geeks from apoplexy) while filming the ultimate emo-kid asshole scene of the actual reveal. James Earl Jones’ dialogue with the actual paternity megaton was dubbed in later.

So did Prowse know before everyone else? Or was he just spitting garbage? Either way, it’s amazing. And as io9 points out, this was before the internet. Shit like this happened now, it’d be everywhere, and Lucas would probably have Prowse assassinated.

Well here is something that I never would have predicted. Zac Efron is reportedly in talks to star in a live-action rendition of motherfuckin’ Akira. Say what?

Slashfilm:

Another rumor which is making the tracking board rounds today is that Zac Efron has apparently been offered the lead role in Albert Hughes’ upcoming live-action adaptation of the popular anime/Katsuhiro Otomo‘s six-volume manga Akira. I’m not able to confirm the offer, but one source tells me Efron is in talks, while another says that it is “far from a done deal.”

Far from done? Phew. Naw, I don’t know. I never actually expected this movie to get done, so the fact that there’s any sort of talks is impressive unto itself. Efron does come off as a super effeminate, anime-esque character with them big eyes and that gorgeous body and his charming smile and…and…Wait, what was I talking about?

There’s a tasty rumor morsel for you good folks today. Thoughts?

Oh good! I’ve been eagerly anticipating who is going to play the preachy annoying ass old Uncle and the fucking useless save for emo-kid pep talks Aunt in the Spider-Man reboot being directed by Marc Webb. Well, now I have to wait no longer! Apparently both roles have been cast.

io9:

Martin Sheen, who I would certainly consider one of Hollywood’s most avuncular actors, has reportedly been cast as the new Uncle Ben in Marc Webb’s reboot. It’s unclear whether he will appear in the main narrative, which would suggest the story is retelling Spider-Man’s origins from the beginning, or whether he will (probably more likely) just appear in flashbacks. Either way, this fits well with earlier reports that the filmmakers were casting a child Peter Parker, which definitely would involve scenes when Uncle Ben was alive. Also, another report says Sally Field is in talks to play Aunt May.

Thoughts? I don’t really care either way. Casting that neither offends, nor amazes.

And on a final note, may I just say fuck Uncle Ben. Dude is always preaching about responsibility and shit, but he didn’t even take out a life insurance policy on himself. Then his dumb ass gets shot because he won’t give up his rickety piece of shit car, and leaves his disgustingly old wife behind to tend to his socially retarded but brilliant nephew. He needs to get off his soap box, but that’s just my opinion.

On Halloween, Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters rolled up into Grand Central Station. What followed was some pretty fucking awesome improv. I don’t know how these troupes pull off such impressive states of acting within public places, but I’ll be goddamned if I don’t love watching it unfold.

Hit the jump for the video of Voldemort laying down some terror in New York City.

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