#Movies
Sony To Co-Finance Tarantino’s ‘Djano Unchained’, Will Smith To Get Jiggy?
It’s always crazy when Quentin Tarantino’s movies actually begin to feel real. Dude runs his mouth for years, and I nod, and nod, and nod. But ‘Djano Unchained’ is getting fucking real! The news is swelling, with announcements that Sony is go co-finance this pig, and maybe, just maybe, the Fresh Prince will be getting jiggy in the flick.
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Darren Aronofsky To Team Up With George Clooney For Sci-Fi Flick ‘Human Nature’?
Ever since Darren Aronofsky threw the deuces up and peaced out of directing ‘The Wolverine’, it hasn’t been certain what he’ll do next. Here’s some more kindling on the speculation fire. Aronofsky may be teaming up with George Clooney for a sci-fi flick. Boner.
Do These ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Set Photos Drop Enormous Spoiler?
…Oh boy. There’s some set pictures from the filming of ‘Dark Knight Rises’ in India that have some pretty sexy implications if they show what I think they show.
You’ve been fucking warned.
THOR REVIEW By Guest Blogger Chris Goodwin
Ladies and gentlemen and swine, I’m pleased to introduce Chris Goodwin. Chris and I first started writing criticism together when we spawned RobotBitesMan in early 1984. All self-loathing and cynicism aside, Chris is the reason movie reviews should still be read today.
Anyone with fingers and eyes can publish their movie reviews online, but finding someone with passion nowadays is seriously hard to find. Everyone is (or acts like they’re) so jaded and writes these miserable, pre-destined reviews. And believe me, Chris has every reason to be jaded. He’s seen every beloved horror franchise he grew up with “revamped” but despite the river of crap, he remains excited to see new flicks. That’s fucking rare nowadays.
So without further whatever, here’s Chris’ review of THOR. Oh crap. Did I forget to mention that Chris adorned himself in his personal Asgard armor for the film? Well I just did. Bow down, pussies.
Here’s a THOR review from the mouth of someone you should be reading a THOR review from: someone who loves movies and loves THOR.
I know what you’re thinking. “This guy has problems.” Well, if by problems you mean a strong desire to be awesome, then you’re correct. Not many people have the balls to fully embrace something they love to the extent that I do, and that’s a shame. Why wouldn’t you want to absorb might, strength, and power into your daily lives? The Norsemen had the right idea, so grow a pair and live life the Viking way! MARVEL studios has been doing just that, and THOR is all the proof you need.
Let Ryan Gosling Drive Your Getaway Car, Girl
Oh hell yes.
One of my favorite young directors right now is Dane Nicolas Winding Refn. Out the gate he wrote and directed the brutally beautiful Pusher Trilogy, which he followed up with Bronson. I was rather unimpressed with 2009’s Valhalla Rising – lengthy shots of nature doesn’t equal “atmosphere” in my book.
But all is redeemed thanks to this two-minute clip from Refn’s first Hollywood outing: Drive. Premiering at Cannes this year, Drive stars Ryan Gosling as a professional getaway driver. Yes please. Judging by this short, tense clip, it’s going to be some really exciting shit and a worthy homage to classic car flicks like Vanishing Point and The Driver.
Watch the clip here and let’s pray this gets a big release.
Face of a Franchise: John Connor
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
Terminator 2: Judgment Day is a flick that has everything going for it – groundbreaking special effects, a story that adds a unique twist to the original film, and Conan the goddamn Destroyer! But all of these structures are supported by the crux that is Edward Furlong’s performance as John Connor. After all, this figure is the boy who would grow up to be the man that leads the resistance against the robo-tyrants. Barely a teen during the filming, Furlong paints a flawless portrait of a boy who is without hope before being visited by two time-travelers – one Austrian super-machine who wants to save him and one Agent Doggett who wants to kill him.
At this point, it’s a classic tale. And without Furlong, I’m not sure it would be.
A few years later, Hollywood decided that there were more diamonds to be mined out of Mount Terminator. Thus, more sequels were commissioned. Due to some mysterious circumstances *cough*drugs*cough* Edward Furlong was not invited to reprise the role of John Connor. Utter bullshit, I say! Who cares if Furlong’s strung out on China White? Couldn’t a good director use that? Hell, John Connor’s a man rising against supercomputer overlords, shouldn’t he seem exhausted?
Whatever, man. It’s just politics, as per usual. Totally.
In any case, the sequels saw John Connor portrayed by two different schmohawks. In Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines Nick Stahl was thrust into the role of humanity’s savior. Stahl was a shoo-in for the face of the high-action franchise, seeing as he had starred in Mel Gibson’s directorial debut. In Terminator Salvation, Christian Bale put his own spin on the character of John Connor. Uneasy about filling the shoes of his predecessors, Bale called upon the assistance of some of our generation’s greatest actors, individuals of unquestionable integrity.
It’s clear that Bale wanted nothing but professionalism on the set of T4.
Nick Stahl or Christian Bale – who is the better John Connor?
New ‘Green Lantern’ Trailer Has Reynolds Getting Punched In The Face. Win!
New trailer for Green Lantern up in here! It oscillates between gorgeous visuals, horrible exposition, epic action sequences, and Blake Lively’s black hole of non-acting prowess. Also, the Green Lantern’s oath is fucking awful in the comic books, and only sounds more hokey out loud.
Hit the jump for the trailer.
Fast Five: Full-Throttle War With the Law
Summer is upon us and what better way to start blockbuster season than flipping a bus carrying convict Dominic Torrento? That’s exactly how Fast Five begins, right where 2009’s Fast and Furious ends – Dom (Vin Diesel) is convicted and being transported to prison. His sister Mia, now pregnant, and best pal Brian (Paul Walker) react to Dom’s sentence by doing what they do best – causing huge car crashes. This is pure popcorn entertainment at its very best and, besides one complaint, I loved every freakin’ frame of it. Its got really well-choreographed action, idiotic charm, and real stunt men doing real stunts. It’s the best bro-car movie since 2 Fast 2 Furious and the best of the franchise hands-down. It makes me want to do push-ups and pound a beer – at the same time!
After a news report states that NO ONE was hurt in the bus crash (seriously the thing flips like 11 times), we jump forward a few months to Rio, where Brian and Mia are hiding out. They get a gig from Dom’s ol’ buddy Vin (from the first Fast) stealing some DEA seized cars off a train. And BAM, Dom is there too. The job sours when it turns out that the Rio kingpin wants the cars and some DEA agents get shot. Is stealing DEA cars from a moving train ever easy?
Face of a Franchise: Jennifer Parker
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
Take a look at the image above. Good lookin’ babes, huh? Slightly over-the-hill, no doubt, but these ladies seemed to have aged more like wine than vinegar. And hell, who doesn’t like a nice cougar? America’s been lusting after slutty old broads for the last forty-four years.
True beauty transcends time. And so do these babes.
One of the most important plot elements of Back to the Future is that Marty is going to fuck his girlfriend Jennifer Parker during a weekend retreat. He’s really pumped about the prospect, especially since it’ll cheer him up after having been smoked in the battle of the bands audition. Unfortunately, his pussy of a father loans the family car to his shitbird boss, who of course smashes it up while drunk. As a result, Marty goes back in time to rewrite history so that he can bang Jennifer whenever he pleases.
Or something.
In any case, the role of Jennifer Parker was first rocked by Claudia Wells. The actress did a superb job of inducing boners, thereby helping viewers of Back to the Future further sympathize with the protagonist (and his carnal desires). Had a lesser-quality woman taken the role, society may have never experienced a collective erection and this modern-classic may have fallen by the wayside.
*HOWEVER*
Due to an illness in the family, Claudia Wells was unable to participate the second two chapters of the BTTF trilogy. As a result, Elisabeth Shue assumed the role of Jennifer. With Shue’s performance, the audience was able to glimpse into the year 2015 and see what Marty McFly’s future turmoil could look like. The second and third flicks featured Jennifer much more prominently, requiring more screen time from Shue than her predecessor.
Claudia Wells defined the role, but then bowed out and pretty much faded into obscurity. Elisabeth Shue spent way more time as the character, but was just going through the motions someone else choreographed.
So – who do you think is the better Jennifer Parker?
Arnold Schwarzenegger Attached To ‘Terminator 5’, Praise Skynet!
If the Governator or whatever wasn’t enough to get your Schwarzenegger-tip glossy, then you should be excited by this news. Arnold is now attached to a ‘Terminator 5’ project that is being shopped around Hollywood. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Yes!
