Having been operating under the impression that “How To Train Your Dragon” was a complete one-off, I was shocked when someone on Tumblr linked me to the trailer for DreamWorks’s upcoming film, “Rise of the Guardians”, and it looked good. I mean, really good. The kind of good that usually isn’t associated with DreamWorks.

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We all have movies that we hate yet everyone else we know seems to love.   Those movies that are brought up in conversation that we have to bite our tongue lest we incur the wrath of the public.   Well in today’s High 5 I’m taking a stand.   I encourage all of you to take a stand with me.   Yell from the rafters how much you hate a certain classic movie.   Or yell at me for hating these particular movies.

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I thought this year’s movie releases were out of control, and then this happened. Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master  has a release date. I wasn’t expecting anything out of this flick during this calendar year, and that was only during the times when I actually believed it would ever see the light of day.

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Do you know how excited I am for this movie? I’ve been waiting since 1979  — and I wasn’t even fucking born yet.  I’ll always love Aliens, but the original Alien  owns 42% of my heart (Close Encounters of the Third Kind  owns the other 58%). To have Ridley Scott direct the prequel (and don’t tell me it’s not — the fucking space jockey is in the trailer) is pretty much every dream I’ve ever had come true. IN IMAX.

Here is the clip that premiered at WonderCon.

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Actor Joel Kinnaman has been cast as the lead in the RoboCop remake, and he’s been speaking out recently about the gig. Usually I wouldn’t really pay attention to this fuzz, but Kinnaman hit on a hot topic that I think may agitate some Nerd Asses.

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Maybe it’s the medication kicking in with its midday efficacy, but I’m digging this Total Recall  teaser. Or maybe its just that I am a total floozy for anything futuristic or even quasi  cyberpunk. I love the original, but if this can distance itself enough from Arnold On Mars while offering up its own futuristic swag, I’m down. Maybe.

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Here’s an Avengers  trailer rocketing out of Poland that goes superhard on the Black Widow action. I may be losing my mind, but some of the footage looks like its from Iron Man 2, unless Natasha spends a lot of her time running around nondescript white hallways. None the less, I’ll take it.

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Martin Scorsese is no stranger to gangster films populated by many dishonorable characters in seedy locations, scurrying around in the dark, power-playing for any (and all) loose change and on the even looser morality of their depraved circles. Starting with 1973’s Mean Streets and later reworking the turf in the 1990s with Goodfellas and Casino, Scorsese’s examinations into the gangster lifestyle have no doubt been artistically fruitful for him, as he has been better able–or, perhaps more appropriately, more willing–to show the brutal realities perpetuated by members of the underworld. And yet, in this place of double crosses and deceptions (all for the intention of looking out for number one), as outlandish as it seems, a certain code of “noble” behavior becomes hopelessly entangled in the proceedings: that, at the very least, disreputable people ought to have the common decency to live up to that reliable classification and not turn out to be backstabbers–rats–working against fellow low lives. It’s a fascinating quandary, both absurd and unsettling to behold, and it’s one that Scorsese brings to the forefront in his (only) Oscar-winning film The Departed.

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Obviously the fact that some shitty Twilight fanfic was published and became a surprise bestseller means I should polish up all the fanfiction I wrote in high school and make bank.

I’m sure you can guess my feelings on the Twilight franchise; they’re right up there with my feelings on the MPAA. But they don’t come close  to my feelings on this piece of shit story (“50 Shades of Grey”) with its atrocious writing. No, seriously, that is an actual excerpt. And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Universal and Focus Features bought the film rights.

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My hatred of the MPAA is legend. I’m pretty sure sonnets have been written about it, 14 lines of iambic pentameter detailing just how much I seethe whenever I see something like The Hunger Games (which I loved, granted, but it’s a film about children murdering each other for sport) get a PG-13 rating but something with sex or swearing automatically gets slapped with an R. Remember the 70s and 80s when boobs, a bunch of “shit”s, and 1-2 “fuck”s would get you PG? I do. Good times.

The shitshow that stemmed from the documentary Bully getting an R rating was amazing. People were de-crying the MPAA, as they should, since they’re holding onto an archaic rating system that either needs serious revamping or abolishment altogether, and the MPAA just looked like the bunch of Bible-thumping assholes they are. Everyone, from the common man to A-list celebs, appealed to the MPAA to lower the rating to PG-13. A few “fucks” shouldn’t be the reason the film was kept from the people who needed to see it — namely everyone between the ages of 10 – 18. But, naturally, the MPAA was like, “WE’RE NOT CHANGING THE RATING AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO DEFY US.”

So the Weinstein Company said, “Well, watch this.”

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