#Movies
INFOGRAPHIC: Marvel Movie Universe Timeline. SH*T IS INTENSE.
This shit is intense right hurr. How about the entire Marvel Movie Universe done up in an annotated timeline? Who has the time to make this shit? Wait, who has the time to blog all day about nonsense? Touche, good friend. Touche.
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‘THE WOLVERINE’ Shooting In Japan; Three People Are Tots Excite!!!
Are you excited for The Wolverine? Yeah, me neither! Regardless, it is advancing into reality. Day after day, it inches closer to penetrating the thin membrane between Imagined and Consummated. When the pig finally hits the screens, establishing existence in our dimension, it’ll have really groovy shots filmed in Japan.
‘THIS IS 40’ TRAILER: Judd Apatow Is All, LOL WE GET OLD.
The trailer for Judd Apatow’s sort-of sequel to Knocked Up has dropped and it’s pretty meh. Pretty fucking easy jokes about hitting the midlife, peppered in with some occasional amusement. I’m hoping the Red Band trailer will hold the genuine funnies.
Strange Moments in Solid Movies: Red Beard, Bringer of Pain and Painkillers
Akira Kurosawa’s Red Beard is a work of profound humanism, so much so that its titular character is generous enough to give center stage to those around him who really need it: the broken, the destitute, the disenchanted, and the dying. As overseer of everything in his medical facility in 19th century Edo (now Tokyo) for its impoverished citizens, the red-bearded Dr. KyojÅ Niide (ToshirÅ Mifune) observes what each inhabitant (staff and patients alike) requires to get better. Some need medication; others need meditation, as the past can weigh on the sick as much as present maladies. And a will to live–something that the poor could hardly fathom previously–can be more important for the less fortunate than fortuitous health. Although the events of the film undoubtedly revolve around Red Beard, it is his acquiescent disposition and charitable openness toward revolution (both narratively speaking and even in some ways subtly social) that give everyone else a chance to shine. These other characters–coming and going, improving and dying–are allotted a fair chance in the world for once; they are given liberty, which allows them to find some peace and comfort–true health, in any state.
‘CHRONICLE’ Director Developing ‘FANTASTIC FOUR’ Reboot. Not…Directing?
Chronicle was a jointy-jam of a flicky-flick this year. It had everything you need in a movie: enjoyment, fun, special effects. Since seeing the movie I’ve been advocating for everyone involved with it to make oodles of money doing whatever they wanted. Namely movies and pornography. It seems my voiciferious nature has paid off, since the director is now doing Fantastic Four. In some capacity.
‘TOP GUN 2’ To Come Out Before ‘MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 5’…Oh Yeah Totally Makes Sense.
How the hot shit across a cold piece of bread does this make any sense. Some Paramount executive-cock fart has informed the world that before M:I5 will come Top Gun 2. Why follow up on the best installment in a franchise when you can recook a homoerotic Cold War propaganda flick?
Twenty-Fourth JAMES BOND Flick to Drop In 2014; Will Danny Craig Be In It?
Now that MGM is done being bankrupt and shit, Sony and them are eager to start churning out the Jimmy Bond flicks. Skyfall is dropping this year, and if they have their way they’ll be rolling one out in 2014. The only question is whether or not Daniel Craig will be back as the Man himself. If there’s a good Lord or Two above, they’ll get it done.
Paul Sizer Avenges…MINIMALIST STYLE, FOOL!
The Avengers drops next week, and if you ain’t goin’ kooky-bananas then I don’t think this website is the place for you. Seriously.
After all, every single member of Spaceship OL has been pounding Red Bulls and speculating about this flick until passing out from exhaustion. Hell, just this morning I saw Caffeine Powered stroking his beard and swinging a hammer he stole from Pop’s tool-box, all while screaming at a geriatric crossing guard. If I recall, some key phrases from the public castigation included “Return to true-form, wretched Skrull-Bitch” and “Where’s Bucky!?” and “Beware Midgard racists, for Nick Fury is the manifestation of Smooth-Dancin’ Danger-Babysitter’s greatest dreams!”
True story.
Anyways, Paul Sizer created a minimalist poster for The Avengers that kicks maximum gamma-irradiated butt. Hit hyperspace and check it out!
‘PROMETHEUS’ MAKING-OF TRAILER Drops New Hotness. Oh God This Movie.
New footage to be had in this Prometheus behind the scenes video. That’s all you need to fuggin’ know. Go. Watch. Be merry. Count the days.
Theater Chain Execs Discussing Allowing CELL PHONE USE In Theaters. Dear Lord.
Motherfuckers! Nothing agitates me in a movie theater as much as seeing a fucking glowing orb in an ocean of auditorium silence. Fucking cell phones. Now this sort of chicanery may be allowed by none other than theater executives.
