Dudes who can exploit the time stream to murder motherfuckers have certainly got the swank life on lockdown. All it takes is you shedding any sense of soul, and you can totally make the big bucks. It also adds to the allure of whatever sort of beautiful bitties or boys you drag him at the end of the evening. Me? Oh yeah. I just destroy folks manipulating time and space. No big deal.

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I wasn’t really impressed with Joe Carnahan until I saw The Grey, and then I was all like. Holy tits. This can has some chops. Fox must have been thinking the same thing, because they recruited him to the sinking ship that is the Daredevil franchise. The swine only have October 10 to get the film rolling, or the franchise defaults back to Marvel. Can’t you just hear the groaning of Marvel executives, as they rub aloe vera on their chaffed nipples. Nips that have been chaffed as they cheese-grater them in erotic bliss during contemplating of regaining the franchise. It is getting closer!, they proclaim, as Fox wavers on even Carnahan’s take.

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A humorous promo that Joss Whedon has cut condemning/promoting Mike Birbiglia’s upcoming flick Sleepwalk With Me. Jossy-Poo is worried, you see, that the film will cut into Avengers’ theater count. In actuality its a tongue-in-cheek endorsement of the indie flick, which if its trailer is any indication looks pretty fucking awesome. I caught it a couple of weeks ago and go immediately excited for it, and so I’m glad that someone like Whedon is drawing attention to the film.

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The Expendables 2 comes out this weekend and while it looks like fun, I’m going to wait for the DVD. It pains me to say this because I honestly love Sylvester Stallone. With Rocky Balboa in 2006 and Rambo in 2008, he revisited the two roles that made him one biggest stars in the world and ended a shaky lull in his career. These two movies led to The Expendables and a pseudo-ironic revival of the big-budget beefy action genre. Mr. Stallone is a busy man once again. But to me, he’s always been at his best when his biceps mirror his heart and his fierce defiance against the pricks in power.

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Christoph Waltz and Terry Gilliam are teaming up to bring to life a goddamn existential science-fiction movie. Subsequently, these two wonky bastards have moved their glorious fingers lovingly onto my fanboy g-spot. Rub it real well, guys.

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Nic Cage is going to do The Expendables 3. Good goddammit. The first flick sucked, I’m not enticed by the second, and now I’m going to have to see the third. My love for Cage and his penchant for madcap completely awful roles is well documented, and he is signing up for this pure fecaltainment I’m theater bound.

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RoboCop is going to fight terrorists in his upcoming remake. File this under the pantheon of dumb ideas that manifest themselves in reboots. Let RoboCop shoot some errant perps, posture a lot, and quip like a motherfucker. Don’t get him involved in an asinine plot point that wore out its jingoist welcome a solid seven years ago.

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[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]

It was during the 8th century BCE that the Greek poet-Jedi known as Homer detailed the events of the Trojan War with the Iliad. An impassioned narrative of a conflict between kings, warriors, gods, and mortals, Homer’s epic poem has been celebrated since its inception. However, the readers who stop after reading the final line of the Iliad (“Thus, then, did they celebrate the funeral of Hector tamer of horses.“) has only treated themselves to half of the story.

The second half of the tale comes in the form of the Odyssey, an epic which follows Odysseus on his dangerous voyage home. Odysseus is a hero of the Trojan War (like the Trojan Horse? Yeah, that was his idea), but he’s slipped into a slick puddle of shit-luck. As such, his return to Ithaca has been delayed by incredible storms, man-eating monsters, an encounter with Polyphemos that ends with being cursed by Poseidon, the allure of Sirens’ songs, and more than a few battles. Oh, when Odysseus finally gets home, he has to figure out how to kill all of the assholes that’ve been depleting his estate and trying to court his wife.

But don’t worry – Odysseus pulls it off, and in style!

“’Dogs! You thought I would never come back from Troy, so you have been carving up my substance, forcing the women to lie with you, courting my wife before I was dead, not fearing the gods who rule the broad heavens, nor the execration of man which follows you for ever. And now the cords of death are made fast about you all!’”

Not only is the Odyssey a mythological tour de force that’s still read and studied and imitated today, it’s also the first documented sequel in the history of narrative. And it’s bad-ass. Hell, many believe it to be equal, if not superior, to the Iliad.

Sure, there’s an argument to be had that most sequels are cheap cash-grabs that capitalize on the popularity of great works. There’s no denyin’ that much of the direct-to-video market is built on this premise. But with the Odyssey having been established nearly three thousand years ago, there’s a time-tested precedent that sometimes sequels are worthwhile continuations.

So here’s our topic of discussion: What is your favorite sequel?

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C’mon! I can’t be the only one who is excited that Bill & Ted 3 is happening. Especially since they’ve tacked on a pretty gnartacular director on to helm the antiquated son of a bitch.

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The world has been given a first look of Russell Crowe as Noah, and the dude looks about the same. About! The same.

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