Welcome once again, m’babies, to the Monday Morning Commute. Please ignore the fact that this feature is posted during the late-night timeslot. Also, there’s no need for you to know that my commute to work takes no more than fifteen minutes on a bad day. Instead, join me in celebrating the entertaining bits of existence that are going to get me through the week.

And try to remember what you learned on the playground – I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. After peeping my naughty bits, hit up the comments and show me yours. After all, it’s only fair.

Keep Reading »

There’re twelve days until Christmas, the holiday in which we celebrate the birth of a God by telling kids that if they’re assholes all year a fat burglar is going to put coal in their socks. Makes sense. Anyways, there are no doubt fools in our ranks who want the next eleven days to fly by so that they can collect their Christmas goodies. But to that, I say Bah humbug!

We are now in the thick of the best part of the holiday season. We’re close enough to the summit to actually begin enjoying the ascent, but don’t have to start thinking about the dreadful descent. The holidays are making out, baby, and with the shirts being taken off the post-coitus regret isn’t even a consideration.

So put on an ugly sweater, drink some eggnog, and grab the ass of the one who catches your eye.

And while you do that, let me tell you about my upcoming week. After all, Monday Morning Commute is my chance to tell you what I’ve got planned for the next few days. If you’re feeling bold, hit the comments and tell me what you’ll be doing.

Keep Reading »

The phantom hides in the pantry, waiting for the child to awake. Always in the pantry. Always behind the cookies. The child, bleary-eyed and delirious with dream-dust, makes his way into the snack cabinet. His belly, constantly satiated by parents who know not of discipline, grumbles. Obeying, the child opens the cupboard door and reaches in to retrieve the chocolate-chip delights.

SNATCH!

Snack time.
For the phantom.

–-

Welcome, my babies, to the Monday Morning Commute. This is the place where we detail our agendas for the upcoming week. Avoid the drudgery of existence. Beat boredom into a pulp. Repel the Snack-Phantom. Let’s fuggin’ do this.

–-

Listening / A Jolly Christmas from Frank Sinatra

In case you haven’t noticed the fleet of minivans parked at the mall indefinitely or the neighbors who think their front lawns are reasonable facsimiles of Times Square, let me clue you in: it’s Christmas time. Or holiday time. Or whatever. From my completely secular standpoint, I kind of wish we could all give up the bogus religious connotations of the Winter Solstice Festivals and agree on something new. One holiday to rule the all.

Anyways, I use a few different activities to get into the holiday spirit. Spending time with friends. Pounding eggnog by the liter. And most importantly, listening to seasonal music. Over the years I’ve run the gauntlet when it comes to Christmas tunes, from Jimmy Buffet to Savatage. Hell, if you don’t give yourself a chance to try the kookier coldcuts from the Christmas music antipasto, you’re really doing yourself a disservice.

This year, however, I’m going the route of the traditionalist. I took it upon myself to download a vinyl rip of A Jolly Christmas from Frank Sinatra.

Holy Jesus-Birth, Santa, a digital transmission of a piece of plastic that was listened to by someone fifty-three years ago?!?! Somebody with hopes and dreams and a consciousness that has probably since faded back into the Universal Collective?!?

Yes, I even try to make my holiday activities about temporality-defiance.

Keep Reading »

Those two fiendish goblins Boredom and Apathy are running amok, hoping to infiltrate the brain-bone of any unsuspecting humanoid. In the current system, the one that drags us down and demands we work far too long for far too little of a reward, they are highly successful. After all, Bordeom and Apathy sit outside of offices and follow workers home, striking just as TV-dinners are microwaved. But there is a refuge, a small oasis in the desert of the modern condition. And you know what?

You’ve arrived.

Welcome, my babies, to the Monday Morning Commute. This is the place where we share our ideas about the upcoming week. Here, we stave off malaise and depression and lack of enthusiasm! Join me!

–-

Mourning / Irvin Kershner

Irvin Kerschner is dead. You know what that means, don’t you? That’s right, the last director to helm an amazing Star Wars flick is no longer a passenger on Spaceship Earth. The Empire Strikes Back isn’t just a credible sequel or a fantastic piece of science fiction, it’s one of the most affective stories I’ve ever experienced.

What makes the movie magical isn’t the mind-blowing special effects or the incredible battles – although they are appreciated – it’s the abundance of relatable elements of humanity. Friends are torn apart. Lovers seek passionate infernos, only to have complications extinguish the embers. An individual pushes himself to the limits of his capabilities, only to undermine his progress by leaving early. Hell, there’s even a suave black dude with a cape.

I have no doubt in my mind that without Irvin Kershner, The Empire Strikes Back would not be the masterpiece we know it as today. Hopefully he’s chilling in Heaven blue-ghost style, chatting it up with Richard Marquand. Hell, maybe they’ll even take it upon themselves to haunt Lucas on Christmas Eve, showing him the error of his ways.

Keep Reading »

Hello there, my name is Rendar Frankenstein and I am a real science fictional being. Living in the year 2010, I am endowed with a number of futuristic powers, including instantaneous global communication, access to digital television, and the ability to ward off disease with a pill. I have a portable computer and after I consume enough caffeine it extracts stories from me.

I feel sorry for the chronically nostalgic.

Monday Morning Commute.   With the workweek rearing its ugly head, we all need movies, books, music, comics and other distractions to stay strong. On Mondays I’m going to tell you about the various ways I’ll be spending my time in the upcoming week. Give my list a glance, then tell me what you’re using to curb the 9-5 blues.

–-

Listening / My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
I have had a real up-and-down relationship with Kanye West. On the one hand, his first three efforts (The College Dropout, Late Registration, and Graduation) are three of my all-time favorite albums. But 2008’s 808s and Heartbreak was a truly depressing collection, as it not only demonstrated the fickle nature of inspiration but the public’s mindset of putting the cart before the horse. Then, of course, there is the fact that Mr. West has serious mental problems and is an arrogant bastard.

Keep Reading »

It’s Labor Day! Put away that uh, Appropriate For One Season clothing! That’s right! Ya’ll out of season. Make your way to the garment districts and indulge in satisfying their hungry cash registers, as you don hues appropriate for This Season Duh, okay? Like I said, it’s Labor Day!

Fall is here, and it smells like sizzling leaf death.

How was your summer? Did it live up to everything you hoped for? Tell me. Hit the comment box. I dare you.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.

Keep Reading »

Hello. My name is Ian Drinkwater and I blog quite a lot. I churn out thousands of words a day. Sometimes I enjoy them. Sometimes I don’t. I meet deadlines and I churn out more. For fun. For non-profit. Mostly to share that which I dubeth dope. Interesting. Intriguing. It’s a hell of a universe out there. It’s a hell of planet right here.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.

Keep Reading »

Hello, sinners. How are you? Did you repent over the weekend? And if so, how far have you strayed from the make believe wishes of your one true savior, Lord Santa Capitalism? I’m just wondering. I sin, yo. I sin hard. I sin with my hand and with my heart and with my dreams. I sin and I smile as I sin and I write it off to being human while secretly despising myself and all of us barred up in flash-casks. I don’t lament too much though.

For we are but a magical lot, capable of some truly wondrous shit if we set our minds to it.

Like, for example: The KFC Double Down.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.

Keep Reading »

Source: Zatransis

Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the dance. A list of staggering beauty, replete with asinine pointlessness! Voyeurism in an age where we are obsessed with something-something-someone’s vagina and the decay and collapse of both society and celebrities. Decay? Collapse? Maybe. Who knows. We’ve been calling it the end days since we were silly enough to proclaim Monsieur Christ beyond a good man, but rather a deity. I ain’t got nothin’ for ya’ll but my distractions and my empty panderings. But that’s good enough for you, I hope? I wish! I pray! Who knows. Refresh this page at work and brace yourself. The universe trudges.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.

Keep Reading »

You know what! I had some niceties written out at the beginning of this opening, but Lord Electricity butt-fucked me without consent! Not a slow one, not a kind one, a vicious butt-drubbing. There was some sort of power outage and when I returned to the Electronic Tubing Ways, everything was deleted! Deleted! I have been felled by Lord Electricity!

What the fuck would I do without Lord Electricity? I resent how I must supplicate to him, offering him all my souls and orifices. For I need him, Lord Electricity, and the power he gives us, allowing me to employ various gadgets and happenings. My lord giveth, my lord can taketh awya.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.

Keep Reading »