Monday Morning Commute: Crossing The Rubicon, WITH VIKINGS

You know what! I had some niceties written out at the beginning of this opening, but Lord Electricity butt-fucked me without consent! Not a slow one, not a kind one, a vicious butt-drubbing. There was some sort of power outage and when I returned to the Electronic Tubing Ways, everything was deleted! Deleted! I have been felled by Lord Electricity!

What the fuck would I do without Lord Electricity? I resent how I must supplicate to him, offering him all my souls and orifices. For I need him, Lord Electricity, and the power he gives us, allowing me to employ various gadgets and happenings. My lord giveth, my lord can taketh awya.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.


Watching / Rubicon

I have no idea what Rubicon is about yet. It’s centered around a conspiracy, but thus far (I’ve seen two out of three episodes), it’s been a slow build through a series of quiet interactions. The main character, as played by James Badge Dale, strafes the line between annoyingly brooding and silently captivating, and he has a fashion sense that I’m frankly jealous of.

[Addendum: Holy fuck, I didn’t realize that James Badge Dale was fucking Chase from 24. Dude, I hated you on 24, but that wasn’t your fault.]

I’m not really sure where the show is going, or if they’ll be able to execute on their promises of intrigue, conspiracy, or betrayal, but thus far? I’m sold. I’m a sucker for conspiracy, quiet builds, and great acting. Pencil me in.


Lord Electricity, I despise you! How you tickle me with your promises of lighting, and the internets, and television! But deep down inside, I realize how you’ve fractured my attention span and ruined my ability to detail. You, along with Master Caffeinatus have conspired to smash my functionality into bits, and then burned those bits! Oh, how I resent you! How I cannot help but bathe in a stream of caffeine and electricity! Refreshing websites and crushing aluminum cans and losing a grip on the slippery slope that was my sanity.


Reading / Northlanders by Brian Wood and Riccardo Burchielli
Do you know how I like my social commentary on Christianity, the ridiculousness of selling your religious affiilliation for cash, and the Crusades? I like it wrapped in motherfucking vikings. And that kids, is what you’ll get if you pick up Northlanders #30. By Jove, the shit is nonpareil. Seriously.

It’s so sickeningly simplistic: viking dude is wronged, decides to lay a fucking stink on a bunch of douchey Christians. And yet? The narration and its smoldering commentary on religion that is overlaid on top of the ass-kicking and fucking is fantastic.

Brian Wood is god damn fantastic, Riccardo Burchielli’s pencils are gorgeous, and it’s probably the best $4 you haven’t spent yet. Go on it.



I would forsake Lord Electricity, but at this point, I am his pawn. I, at times, contemplate what I did before I sat on the internet every evening. And do you know what I see? I see a black expanse, filled with nothingness. I’m not sure the mechanics of seeing nothingness, within a black expanse, but I promise you I can pull off both. Like Frodo who couldn’t remember the smell of the Shire, I cannot fathom what I did with my nights when I wasn’t drowning in info-streams and obsessing over achievement points.

I want to see I was better, but I get the suspicion I was probably just bored.


Eating / Pretzel M&Ms

These things are the fucking truth. Jesus Christ, I didn’t think I could love anything more than Peanut M&Ms and yet…here I am. Here I am, man! These things are a combination conjured within the depths of Pleasure Island, at the center of the core. Not unlike the dumb core at the center of LOST’s Island, but instead of glowing stupidity and honeypots, there lays deliciousness. If you’re diabetic, then it is truly worth dying to try these babies. I think? I’m not sure, I’m not diabetic.


Hey, you’re fat anyways, eat them.


Yo, people want some curves on their bodies. Male and female.


Eat them. They’ll make you smile.

Not sold?

Fuck you!


What are you guys up to this week? Hit me?