As I type this, it’s Tuesday evening. I’m on campus in the middle of another seven hour school night. Fuck, man! When you read this, such time will have passed. The groans of labor receded. It will be the most special day of the week. No, no, no. Not colonic and sugar cone Saturday evening. Though that day is a close second. It will be Wednesday, heralding the arrival of new funny books.

This is the jam where we all share the comics we’re digging this week. If you don’t know what’s dropping, hit up ComicList. Share your list, who knows what could happen. My colonic buddy is going away this weekend and if you’re comically compatible consider this your entrance exam.

Keep Reading »

Call me crazy, but I subscribe to the notion that, since its beginning, the universe has been ever-spreading and everything within its massive expansion has gone along for the ride. Following suit, every initial notion with storytelling potential tends to enlarge exponentially, growing with time and purpose into stories and, if the commercial and/or artistic drive remains resolute, these stories multiply into sequels and beyond. This especially holds true for the interstellar saga from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. After its explosive entrance into the public sphere in ‘77, the Star Wars universe took three years to develop from A New Hope into The Empire Strikes Back, wherein its archetypal characters became more complex and their dilemmas darkened as SW’s expansion followed its primary course into the emptiness of space. But then something changed: George Lucas, supreme author, came down and let there be lightness where the darkness once dominated. And this certifiable change is evident in the trilogy’s finale, Return of the Jedi.

Keep Reading »

This is the week everything could go wrong for a heavily serialized show like Game of Thrones.   It’s the second episode of a second season; a show can knock an audience on its ass one year with a perfect storm of timing, talent and spectacle, and then lose it all during the hiatus.   A shoddy premiere can rest on the laurels of its fans’ frothing anticipation and still come away with merit.

We’re pretty fortunate then, that we got the premiere we did, and the second episode to prove shit’s still on track.   The immense task of adapting Martin’s ‘song’ is somehow, somehow still staying faithful to its source text.   Ponder that, and marvel at it after every episode.

Keep Reading »

Hello there, fellow worker bees! Are you already sick of the workweek? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! The way the Man has it set up, we’re all supposed to hate our Monday through Friday responsibilities, those tasks that we must complete so that we can earn currency to exchange for the electricity and beer and buffalo wings that we enjoy on the weekends.

It’s hardly an ideal system.

But fear not, for this right here is the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! I’m going to show you the various ways I’ll be thwarting the advances of that spirit-crushing behemoth commonly referred to as Workweek Ennui! After you check out my snake-oils, hit up the comments section and display your own wares.

Grab a Diet Fanta and jump on in!

Keep Reading »

Welcome to Press Start!, the weekly column where we blab about the happenings in the world of gaming in the past seven days. It’s done-up as a list, ‘cause motherfuckers love lists. Audience participation is encouraged, so if you see something absent from the list let’s get some dialogue going in the comments section. However as you make your way to the microphone be mindful of the urine-and-tacks filled balloons hanging above. They will punish the spiteful.

Keep Reading »

The pieces are in place.   The guns are primed.   The powder keg is lit.   The shit is going down on Justified.   Take off your Stetson, throw your boots on a table, sit back and stay a while.

Keep Reading »

 Welcome to Friday’s (no longer Thursday, because I apparently can’t get my shit together on Thursdays) most ridiculous column, Cinematic Polyamory, which — for those of you playing the home game — basically amounts to an ongoing list of the famous people I want to bang.

Last week, I opened with my two number one celeb spouses: Emma Thompson and Steven Spielberg. Today’s lucky duo have been on the list since 2005; celeb hubby #2 has been fixed at numero duo ever since I clapped eyes on him, while celeb wife #2 took about a year to get to her current spot. Never the less, they remain two of the most powerful actors today and someday I will be married to one or both of them. Because I have goals. And I always accomplish my goals. Just give me a pack of Orbit Wintermint gum, a pair of scissors, some lube, and a duck mask, and I’ll have what I want within an hour or so.

Terrified? You damn well should be.

As that Kabuki-looking chick from The Hunger Games says: ladies first.

Keep Reading »

Last week I took a pounding for hating on some classic movies.   Except the Hangover … seems most of the super intelligent OL crowd didn’t fall for that movie.   This week I want to move on to happier topics, like death.   What makes a good death scene?   Dying for ones beliefs and convictions?   Sure, that’ll do.   Giving some epic prose before sloughing off this mortal coil?   Sure, that’s a good one too.   I think that a great death scene has meaning.   This means that we have to care about the characters, no easy feat.   So here they are, my top 5 Death Scenes.

Just be warned, there are spoilers ahead for the following movies: Star Wars, LA Confidential, Saving Private Ryan, Blade Runner, and Highlander: End Game.

Keep Reading »

A long, nine-month wait for the return of Game of Thrones ended with maces and shields smashing together with glorious clamour.  All for the entertainment of a boy-king absolutely drunk with the power of the Iron Throne sitting patiently under his lanky, undeserving rear.   Patiently, in wait, for numerous contenders ready to raze the world for a chance at it.

An opening image is everything in the cinematic art, even for an episode, or better still a season of television.   What does the Hound’s crushing defeat of another soldier tell us about this new season to come?   What tone does this scene set for the year?

Bloody fucking contest.   Orchestrated violence.   Unequal rivals set against one another.   The paramount nature of power?   A king getting whatever he wants, no matter how he laid claim to the crown.

Littlefinger reminded our good Eddard Stark last year that succession hardly mattered, when Ned pushed for Stannis to claim his elder brother’s throne.   After all, Robert took it with Ned’s help by taking it by force from the Mad King.   Right, wrong, whatever it was, it was Robert’s throne, and he knew it, even if he bankrupted the realm, and whored and drank his way to an early grave proving it.

Power!  A lesson not lost on Joffrey, who writers Weiss and Benioff remind us quickly with their opening scene, is enraptured by power and misusing it grossly.   And that he should be justly hated for it.

Keep Reading »

With an insatiable desire to depict worlds in disarray, Roland Emmerich has spent the better part of three decades pumping out grandiose blockbusters bedecked in social destruction with a flair for the skeptical. That isn’t to say there is a whole lot of method behind the madness; Emmerich’s love for blowing stuff up–be it a sturdy building or established fact–is just too primary, too outrageous. And he’s willing to draw on dicey pasts (The Patriot, Anonymous) and controversial presents (The Day After Tomorrow, 2012) to lay waste to the good earth of cinema, scorching anything that resembles sensible storytelling or true scientific inquiry in his movies’ cataclysmic march to commercial success. And leader of this bombastic parade is Independence Day, Emmerich’s most entertaining film to date.

Keep Reading »