The above is Lindsay Lohan back when she was something resembling a human being. This human being no longer exists. The good news is that apparently she’s up for a role as alien villainess Ursa in the Superman Reboot. Oh, Frat Boy Rock, you’re a bananas. Bananas like zounds.

Slashfilm:

Gossip website TMZ is reporting that  Lindsay Lohan is up for a major female role in  Zack Snyder‘s  Superman reboot. According to the site, “Lindsay’s people have had multiple phone conversations within the last few weeks with the people behind the new  Superman reboot” and they’re “supposed to meet personally with the  Supermanpeople soon.” The role isn’t Lois Lane, however, more than likely it’s Ursa, a Kryptonian baddie that  we now know is currently being cast.

Insanity, right? I ignored this bullshit when it was posted on a couple of other sites this morning. But by the time it made Slashfilm? I figured it was worth mentioning. Sure, nothing’s worth much in the Churn Factory that is the Netterwebs, but the mind boggles at the possibility.

The problem with this news is that Lindsay Lohan is about to be charged with grand theft larceny. I would say that considerably lowers her chances of being cast. However, just the fact that she was ever considered for a role is fucking outstanding.

Variant Covers. A look at the comic books that I’m buying/interested in this week.

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you how crazy I was during the semester. Or maybe you would. White-knuckles, ripped on caffeine. Oscillating between “this is totally doable” and “I need pills and a shack in the woods.” What gets me through it? Funny books. Narrative and drawings. Well, that, and really weird audio files of white noise to write to. With that in mind, writing this column every week is a relaxation technique. Stack it on top of my psychiatrist, therapist, and girlfriend, and I’m almost functional.

Let’s dance.

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Casanova: Gula #2.
The Casanova series is one of those titles that has to benefit from reading in a collected manner. I read this title monthly, and by the time the next issue is coming out, my frazzled stem can’t compute what I read before. The issues are stuffed to the brim with madness. This is a good thing. But trying to keep track of everything that’s going on, with thirty-day breaks? Not so hot.

Let’s see: Last month, Casanova Quinn disappeared from the timestream, and now it’s of grave importance that he’s tracked down. This march into absurdity (I mean this positively) is headed up by Sasa Lisi, a blue babe with a good amount of arms. Meanwhile Cass’ sister has just been hired to kill some peeps, including their father. Gulp and stuff!

Slather this on top of some really weird meta-fiction, endless references to awesome, and gorgeous artwork, and you have madness in a can. Or uh, a binding. It’s enjoyable mind-rape, but goddamn if the side-effect don’t include loss of memory and sudden confusion.

—-

Incognito: Bad Influences #3.
Zack Overkill has just gotten out of his life of crime. Sure, he was ripped out of it and then thrown into working for The Man, but he was out. Now thrown back into it the underworld he was wrested from, he operate undercover while holding onto his tenuous set of new-found morals. That is, if you believe he’s reformed. My guess? Somewhere in the middle.

Last issue saw Overkill galavanting about with an old buddy, only to have the guy sell him out. Son of a bitch! Apparently you can’t go home again. Even if that home is prostitutes and death scenes.

I love this series, specifically for the themes presented. The notion of attempting to clean yourself up, and what that entails, calls out to the mess that is my collected consciousness. Overkill is a man trying to turn a new leaf, but can he resist the temptation? In this case, can he resist punching motherfuckers’ heads off and banging whores? There’s the axio, that if you want to quit an addiction, you need to gut your entire life. Escape from the hedonistic tendencies of those you partook with. Overkill is doing the exact opposite – being thrown back into the madness.

Can the dude make it? Dunno.

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Interlude: Shit I’m Loving.
This column is a weekly conduit of the bullshit that’s coming out on any given week. As such, while I generally recommend shit that I’m humping on hard, I don’t often pause to drop what I’m infatuated with. An atemporal exploration of the dope shit I want to marry. So I figured I’d throw one out there.

I’m madly, madly obsessed with Cowboy Ninja Viking. The title has it fucking all. The grand slam of tropes and bonerficiations that sell me hard. It’s got mental illness. It’s got ridiculously gorgeous artwork. It’s got meditations on modern life and the existential ennui we all are subject to. It’s got action sequences and ultra violence. But more than that, it’s fucking hilarious.

This is a title that has me giggling outloud in the middle of the night like the retard I am. The dialogue  is equal measures witty and profane. Childish and acerbic.  I’ve rocked through a trade and a half of the title, and I’m edging like woah. Don’t want to finish it. If you haven’t checked this shit out, I’d recommend it. Madly. In love.

Keep Reading »

[photo by brian auer]

Holy shit, it’s Monday again. Funny how that happens. The workweek stings, but there’re plenty of ways to dull the pain. No, I meant other than booze!

Let’s swap ideas. I’ll show you how I’m going to continue embarking upon the path of personal evolution via pop culture and mindrot. Then, you hit up the comments and do the same. It’s simple as that for your simple ass.

–-

Rockin’ / Bowie — Hunky Dory

I’m not a prophet or a stone age man
Just a mortal with the potential of a superman
I’m living on
I’m tethered to the logic of Homo Sapien
Can’t take my eyes from the great salvation
Of bullshit faith
If I don’t explain what you ought to know
You can tell me all about it
On the next Bardo
I’m sinking in the quicksand of my thought
And I ain’t got the power anymore

Keep Reading »

In addition to the first glimpse of Captain America footage, Marvel dropped a new peak at Thor on our asses tonight during the Violence and Corpulence Bowl tonight. I’m stoked for this flick, and every teaser brings me closer to hunting down Chris Hemsworth and dragging him to my underground prison. I’m a slut for chain mail.

Hit the jump for the teaser.

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Did you catch the trailer for Captain America during the Super Bowl? No? Watch it here! You did catch it? Watch it again! I’ve been skeptical of Captain America for a good while now, but man. My gooey fanboy gunk was floating about after the trailer. What does a trailer  guarantee? Nothing, nothing at all. But it was fun.

Hit the jump for the trailer.

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Whaddup! In before the trailer drops tonight are some high-res scans of Cap from Empire Magazine. There isn’t anything new inside, but everything is much sexified and clearer.

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Is Robin coming to The Dark Knight Rises? I speculated upon that shit last week, when it was announced JGL is negotiating to be in the flick. Now the rumor mill has begun to churn, steam rising and gears crunching.

Slashfilm:

But a report from a Michigan NBC affiliate might now suggest otherwise. According to reports, location scouts for  The Dark Knight Rises were in Grand Ledge, MI recently and were looking at a water treatment plant to possibly be used as “a hideout for Batman’s sidekick Robin.” Are the location scouts being misquoted? Could this just be a red herring? Or are they possibly referring to another Robin? Read all the possibilities and quotes after the jump.

I don’t blame anyone who initially balks at the concept. In fact, both Nolan and Bale have publicly stated in the past they didn’t think it was the best idea.

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Last month Darren Aronofsky revealed he had plans for a graphic novel he wanted to parlay into a flick. Some peeps speculated that it may have been an alteration of his Batman pitch back in the day. Well, then folks are wrong. Today we know what it is, and it sounds fucking awesome. The graphic novel is Noah, and it is an adaptation of one of Aronofsky’s unproduced flicks. The project will be released in 2012, and is being illustrated by Pride of Baghdad’s Nico Henrichon. Hungry for more?

io9 Drops Some Details:

It’s a really cool project and I think it’s really timely because it’s about environmental apocalypse which is the biggest theme, for me, right now for what’s going on on this planet. So I think it’s got these big, big themes that connect with us. Noah was the first environmentalist. He’s a really interesting character. Hopefully they’ll let me make it.

Hit the jump for a promotional video featuring Henrichon’s artwork.

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Zounds were abound this week when it was let out that the casting currently going on this week for a female lead in Superman wasn’t for Lois Lane. The initial speculation was that Snyder may have been kicking the script over to Lana Lang, the other alliterative female in Clark’s life. Not to be! Not to be at all. Snyder is currently casting for the role of Ursa, who is General Zod’s b-girl. According to reports, Alice Eve, Diane Kruger and Rosamund Pike are all in the running for the part.

Don’t know who Ursa is?

Slashfilm Cares:

[Ursa] first appeared in the Richard Donner’s  Superman and  Superman II as one of a trio of Kryptonians, lead by General Zod, who are sentenced to live in the Phantom Zone by Superman’s father Jor-El, before breaking out and ending up battling Superman on Earth. Ursa’s most noteworthy quality in the films is her hatred of men and that she collects badges/symbols of her kills. She didn’t appear in the comic books until only a few years ago.

Well, there you go. This news makes everything a bit interesting though, considering that Snyder said that Zod wasn’t going to be in the flick. Is Ursa running ahead, preparing the pathetic fleshsacs for Zod’s arrival? Or is the dude actually in the movie? Only Frat Boy Rock (Snyder) knows for sure. Oh, and I suppose those who have read the script.

Cobie Smulders is going to be Maria Hill in the Avengers flick. I had no idea who Smulders was until I googled her, and it turns out she’s in How I Met Your Mother…That explains why I had no clue. Nonetheless, according to Deadline:

I’m hearing that How I Met Your Mother star Cobie Smulders has emerged as the front runner for the role of SHIELD Agent Maria Hill in the Joss Whedon-directed The Avengers and that a deal could be done before the weekend is out.

Whelp! Don’t know her, but she is certainly pretty. Also, for what its worth, she looks excellent with hair that resembles Hill’s.

Thoughts? Anyone actually watch that show?