#Caffeine Powered
‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ Trailer: Emphasis On Beasts
I’m still wading through the seemingly unconquerable amount of SDCC news that drifted into the sewer of pop culture wherein I live. So forgive me for just finding this trailer. Which, I’m going to admit, I enjoyed.
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‘King Arthur’ Trailer: Guy Ritchie and The Round Table
Guy Ritchie rules. The Man From UNCLE was hilarious, stylish, fun. That apparently only Pluto and I saw, but fuck if we weren’t dying laughing in our seats. I’m in for this movie, I’m in for any movie Ritchie makes. And I’m dragging Eddie along with me.
Report: Nintendo NX is a portable console with detachable controllers
Nintendo is like, “You think we’re a joke for relying on peripherals? Check out this shit!”, not unlike a pissed-off, petulant teenager. I mean, that’s the explanation for it, right?
‘Star Wars’ Rumor: That Han Solo movie is actually a Han Solo Trilogy
Because, of course. The teats must be reddened with the incessant suckling, the milk must flow! Oh, fuck do I know. If this is true, I’ll mark out and enjoy them. I’m sure. I’m worthless.
Confirmed: ‘The Flash’ movie casts Kiersey Clemons as Iris West!
Fuck yeah! After the JLA trailer, I’m excited for The Flash. I mean, I was excited when it was announced that Rick Famuyiwa would be directing it. And more excited when it was rumored that Kiersey Clemons would be in it. But now she’s definitely in it, Ezra Miller seems dope as The Flash, and the Dope director is helming it.
‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2’ News: Meet the new Ravagers, courtesy of Gunn
Want to meet the new Ravagers from GoTG 2? Here they are! Hit the jump for their names!
Monday Morning Commute: The sky above the port was the color of television
Monday Morning Commute! On a Monday Evening! Truthfully, this tardiness is, relativistically speaking, pretty good compared to my usual antics. In fact, this column would have slithered out of my mind-hole earlier had the words come to me. Sometimes the Muses toss lightning bolts up your ass, and you feel Empowered. Emboldened. Surfing The Edge. Sometimes the Muses retreat to a 7-Eleven bathroom to trib with faeries and knaves and satyrs. Coating themselves in the slickening sugary confections we pass off as food, writhing in wrappers and detritus, orgasming in supplication to the Eternal Engine which neither Cares nor Notices us.
Today? For me? The Muses are fucking around with the fucking faeries in the fucking bathroom. But still, I persist. But still, I exist. Put that on a Hallmark card and staple it onto my forehead, I know it’s fucking lame.
Today? For me? I’m going to write this column anyways. Even though the Muses ain’t here. I’m going to tell you everything I’m excited about this week. Even though the Muses ain’t here. I’m going to ask you to join me, vapid, broken, banal me, in the comments section, letting me know what you are excited for this week. Even though the Muses ain’t here.
Well? Shall we?
‘The Lego Batman Movie’ Trailer: These Pants Are Just A Little Tight
Oh yeah, this movie!
‘Legion’ Trailer: Noah Hawley’s ‘X-Men’ spin-off twists into reality
This show is being produced by Noah Hawley. It’s on FX. It’s a tenuous X-Men spin-off. For the reasons listed before, I will watch this. Mainly because of Noah Hawley, though.
Confirmed: Sly Stallone bringing his talents to ‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2’
Remember that #HOTRUMOR! that Stallone was going to be in the second Guardians of the Galaxy? Turns out, to the non-surprise of many, to be non-non-true.
