I want some dance scenes in my Justice League movie. You know, just Barry Allen and Hal Jordan looking deep into one another’s eyes. Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne skulks in the corner, trying to simultaneously figure out how Jordan gets abs so taut, and also how to break all their bones with his martini glass. So I say “fuck you, and good riddance” to any script Warner Bros. cancels that doesn’t contain such dreams of mine.

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The darkness is eroding, leaving us with one last gasp of righteousness. That’s right, Community returns this evening. Even though it is probably the last thing I will watch before the Great Blizzard of 20+13 strikes tomorrow, I will die knowing that I got to return to Greendale one last time.

Now I know how you can make Fallout: Obsidian Sucks palatable to me. Mash it up with Hotline Miami in some banging pixel art.

Hit the jump for the full thing.

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Not only does Amazing Spider-Man 2 exist folks, it is currently filming. Weird as Hell, right? And if you think that is intriguing, buckle up. We may have ourselves some Venomy goodness in the sequel. Either that, or Marc Webb is a mad tip teaser.

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Herein, BioWare goes through a wordy explanations as to why we shouldn’t number the next Mass Effect. Some of their explanation is obvious: Shephard’s story is over. Some of it is confusing: if our actions may have affects, and it takes place after, who cares if we call it Mass Effect 4? Hey. Whatever. It doesn’t matter what it is titled, I’m going to be there.

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Black Cat continues to make Peter Parker look like a chump for continually swooning for Mary Jane Blahson. See what I did there? Blahson, because she bores me.

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I wish my girlfriend was around to explain to me how pointless this news article happens to be. She loves nothing more than puncturing the balloons of pseudo-science I enjoy riding to happiness. She ain’t here though, and so I’m going to dig on this! No one shall stop my torrent of science ejaculation!

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Neil deGrasse Tyson isn’t really wielding his advanced wizardry when it comes to this factoid. Or maybe he is. I don’t know. Whatever the case, he did some math and came up with the weight of Thor’s hammer. The answer makes me wonder just how the Hulk ever ate a blow from it without spitting green matter everywhere.

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J.J. Abrams continue to appropriate geek franchises into his corpus, channeling the energy absorbed into some sort of world-breaking incantation.

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I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it’s time we had a serious talk.  Climb on up on ol’ Uncle Dude’s lap.  It’s time to hit you with some reality.  Everyone dies and no one will ever love you, they will just pretend because they are afraid to be alone.  Wait, no, that’s not what I wanted to say.  I know what it was, I’m quitting.  In one month’s time I will have done 1 year of High 5s.  So starting in March I will be leaving the High 5 game behind me and doing a new weekly column, and hopefully I will keep that one up for a year as well. I now return you to your regularly scheduled High 5.

One thing about the Dude you might not know is that I LOVE board games. One of my closest friends has a weekly scheduled game night where we play a variety of board games.  We’ve been doing it for years.  Because of this, I have played more board games than most of you probably thought existed. I am cocky about a lot of things, and my knowledge of board games is no exception.  So here we are, my favorite board games.

(Side Note: I’m not counting CCGs like Magic or Pokémon)

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