Look at NGC 922 all wilin’ out and shit. It’s got itself a decent sized collection of black holes, and nobody seems to know why. I mean, I think I have the answer but no one will listen to me. It’s trans-dimensional unicorns who use the reality-skin of that cluster as their interdimensional warp point. Every time they make a jump, it punctures the fabric just a bit more. Obviously. Right? Is this the DayQuil talking?

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It isn’t as cool as getting shattered with Robert Baratheon, but soon we fans of Game of Thrones will be able to drink official beer. It tastes like incest and subterfuge!

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Friends, take a walk with me. We shall walk together through the land of gaming’s past. Here in the land, we shall appreciate those warm and fuzzy days when Sega was still producing consoles, Vectorman was dominating my friend Brian’s Genesis, and I was still firing blanks. It was 1996.

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Despite being in all thirty-seven (I didn’t count them) Marvel films, Nick Fury has yet to have his own feature. And while that ain’t changing any time soon, the actor behind the One-Eyed Bastard has said that Fury’s tale will be partially told in the second Captain America movie.

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I keep forgetting that Django is going to be starring as the villain in Amazing Spider-Man 2. Mr. Foxx himself recently sat down and elaborated all about the Electro guy he is going to be playing, taking us fanboys and fangirls into the motivations behind the, you know, pretty lame supervillain.

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In my mind, this story can only end in one of two ways. Either this little robot becomes sentient, and slaughters everyone in the ISS. Or someone falls in love with it, filling its nooks and crannies with their biological data. I can’t be the only one who feels this way, right?

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Welcome back, friends. The Starship Omega plummeting through the Cosmos has returned, swerving out of the way of an errant cosmic calamity. We’ve finally regained cruising altitude, and a flesh-bot of your desired gender/gender combination will be along to massage your pinkish naughties soon. My name is Caffeine Powered, and I’m the Custodian and Lead Seminal Slinger aboard this Galaxy Cruise. Right here about this time, as I am ripped to the gills on a cheap Theraflu knockoff and fighting a lengthy head cold, I’m going to pontificate on what I’m enjoying this week. And so are you! That’s the whole gimmick behind this nonsense, Monday Morning Commute. More Theraflu!

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Just about a week ago, we got the first real look at the new Star Trek joint. As per usual, everyone on these internets went crazy for the fresh glimpse at the JJ Abrams’ film, dissecting and analyzing and investigating and doing any other word that means looking really deeply into everything about it. Understandably, of course. It’s pretty exciting stuff. And the teaser that dropped today is no different. Check it out after the jump.

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Welcome to Buy These F**king Comics!, the weekly column where we share the various sequential treats we’re gobbling up off the shelves. The wonder of this column is audience participation. No shirts, no shoes required! Just sit there in your dingy underwear, your sweat, and seminal soaked (oh man am I typecasting our lot or what?) t-shirts and recommend a slurry of titles for me to check out. Don’t know what being snapped into brown plastic bags this week?  Hit up Comic List.

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If I have learned anything from Breaking Bad, it is that drug smuggling is the mother of invention. While not nearly as cool as using an entire chicken restaurant to smuggle drugs, this enterprising lass used something quite interesting. Her bub-bub cavities.

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