Let us create a microbe that can survive on Mars! Yeah! Pay no mind to it evolving, generating a corpus, and plotting our doom. Such is the plot of this science-fiction nonsense made reality. What is next, soda foundations? Talking dogs? Jesus Christ.

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Shane Butcher is pushing his chips into the center of the fucking table. Dude is cashing out, selling his entire existence on eBay. Everything must go, from kayaks to a chain of gaming stores. Anyone want to pool our money and buy this dude’s American Dream?

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Yeah, all the various iterations of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” making their way around the internet have blown my mind with angst. However, I can’t help but get behind one that combines Chatroulette and cross-dressing. Also, shout out to all the bro-dudes who go from so eager to stroke it to genuinely amused. I appreciate the tonal shift.

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The world has been given a first look of Russell Crowe as Noah, and the dude looks about the same. About! The same.

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What’s going on, Kasumi? You seem to be pretty flagrant in your behavior right now, for a thief. Get out of the sun! Get moving. Jeepers.

How can you replace Jonathan Hickman on Fantastic Four? You can’t, you turkey! Not even Matt Fraction will fill that void for me, and ya’ll know that is saying something. Matt Fraction. Gorgeous head of hair, lovely sets of stories. Not even he can saddle up to Fantastic Four without me screaming “Not my Dad! Dammit!” What I am very excited for is the sister title FF, which seems to be going in a brilliantly Fractionian direction.

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Skynet is upgrading its wares, infiltrating the next generation of Kinect sensors and the shit. Soon it will be able to accurately track the motions of your hand as you masturbate. Despite turning the system off, the camera will be on. Aware. Recording your furry habits.

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Believing in the realness of your own excellence is not just an enlightenment-based video series that I am currently marketing. No; it’s more, much more than that. Believing in one’s own excellence, and indeed the realness of said excellence, is a commodity in startlingly short supply.

Take the video games industry, for example. Day upon day, games get cancelled and teams announce ‘safe’ projects just to be sure of that crucial paycheck. ‘Why?’ I hear you ask. Unfortunately, my friends, it is because those working in the video games industry display the most startling lack of belief in the realness of their own excellence. Click this link for more info. Bulk discounts available. Let us delve into the shocking evidence that shows why now, more than any other time, that the games industry needs to start believing in the realness of its own excellence ™.

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A new combatant has entered the battle royale that is the OL STORE!

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He has PhDs in psychology and parapsychology. He’s the host of World of the Psychic. He thwarted Vigo the Carpathian’s plan to bring about the apocalypse. He defended New York City from a 50-foot marshmallow man, and five years later he piloted the Statue of Liberty. And when need be, he can show a prehistoric bitch how things’re done downtown.

He’s Dr. Peter Venkman and he crushes ass.

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Head over to the OL STORE and snag the t-shirt that celebrates the paranormal promiscuity of Billy Murray’s greatest character!

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Yes, that is awesome.

Check out artist Ramon Villalobos.