#July2011
Vader Force Chokes the Hot Chick From CAPRICA
One of the best things about the short-lived BSG spinoff Caprica was Alessandra Torresani. Not that she’ll be nominated for an Emmy anytime soon, but she is really hot. And don’t worry guys, I checked. She only looks 16. She’s actually 24! *looks round for the high five*
Since the fall of Caprica (ha-yuck) Torresani has been canoodling around half-naked in various shoots with photographer Tyler Shields. Their latest collaboration is a video in which Torresani recalls her doomed relationship with Darth Vader. It’s not really funny, but she does lick Vader’s helmet at one point. I’d watch Torresani do anything. If someone filmed her doing her taxes I’d watch it. Check out the video after the jump. I’ve included a bonus video of Torresani licking a giant lollipop coming out of a man’s crotch. I love this chick.
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Marvel Announces ‘Season One’ Graphic Novels, DC Laughs.
Everyone just needs to calm the fuck down. We got DC and Marvel renumbering the shit out of everything. We got the DCnU. We got DC last year launching a line of graphic novels that would be “retellings” of their characterss origins in modern society. Which sounded a lot like Marvel’s Ultimate universe. Well now Marvel, who created the Ultimate universe to do such a thing is…following DC’s lead. How about a line of graphic novels for the youngins’ to snag and be able to understand the universe right away. Right? Meh!
‘Damn It Feels To Be A Lannister’ Is Best Parody Video In Awhile.
To the tune of “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster” comes this glorious parody saluting the family that always pays their debts. Hit the jump for the video, but be forewarned of spoilers from the first season of the television adaptation.
Variant Covers: Reality Is A Special Effect!
Variant Covers. Column giving the rundown of the week’s comic releases. Trite, super-personal and irreverent. Share your finds, friends.
I’ve been sick lately. For the past five days my life has consisted of scraping the existential paste out of bed, nodding somewhat coherently as I teach, and napping. Fitful, sweaty naps. The sort of naps that could fill a Gatorade bottle and whose flopping fiction could power a small town.
I have not slept. I cannot breath. I am here though. When there’s a dance you have to show up. Do your courtesies and press your fleshes.
THIS WEEK ON Breaking Bad: Box Cutter
After a hiatus that felt like forever, Breaking Bad is back to kick our ass. Last season’s finale, “Full Measure,” left us pulling our hair out over whether a weepy Jesse shot Gale – or of that last second camera shift had Jesse firing over Gale’s shoulder in hesitation. More happened in the season four premiere, the gruesomely titled “Box Cutter,” than just the reveal of Gale’s execution. In true Breaking Bad fashion, creator Vince Gilligan and his crew delivered a suspenseful and darkly hilarious episode that began with a shocker of a flashback. We also got see Walter resort to his sniveling, bombastic Mr. White persona as Skyler continues to “break bad” even further. And poor Jesse’s now lost any shred of innocence he may have had left. It’s been a long time coming for this episode and they knocked it out the park, into the parking lot, and right through the windshield of your Pontiac Aztec.
Monday Morning Commute: Liam Neeson’s Ghost
Welcome back to MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! By the time you read this, you’ll most likely have completed your first day of the workweek and will be primed for some solid entertainment. But not if you work the graveyard shift. Which is a bummer, unless you actually work at the graveyard, `cause then you get to meet zombies and mad scientists and packs of goth kids playing Ouija!
In any case, I’m going to give you the rundown on some of the shit that’ll be keeping my spirits high over the course of the next week. Your mission – should you choose to accept it – is to hit up the comments and show which sidearms you’ll be using in this workweek showdown.
IDW Wants You To Trade-In ‘Twilight’ For ’30 Days of Night. Do It!
IDW has a most righteous promotion going on this weekend at Comic-Con. They’re encouraging people to trade-in Twilight in exchange for their own copy of 30 Days of Night. The promotion is called Sparkles For Blood. I love this.
‘The Avengers’ Teaser Trailer Leaks.
Bootlegging is bad and awful and also the reason I’ve been able to see the teaser trailers for The Dark Knight Rises and The Avengers early. If you’re like me and can’t wait, hit the jump for a bootleg capture.
It’s dope.
I promise.
Joe Johnston Wants To Make A Boba Fett Movie.
It’ll never happen, but it’s worth imagining anyways. While promoting Captain America: The First Avenger, director Joe Johnston mentioned off the cuff that he’d like to make a Boba Fett flick. And then it was like a thousand geeks orgasmed at once.
BioWare Reveals New ‘Mass Effect 3’ Character, James Vega. Super BroDude Woah.
Mass James Vega, a new character to the Mass Effect franchise. Vega is known around the galactic community for excessive amounts of hair product, the smell of whiskey and pussy on his breath, and his overall asstastic character design. BioWare should have just named him “Gears of War Guy” or my preferred name “Super BroDude”.
Hit the jump for the entire image.
