#May2011
Space Station Omega: Press Pause!
Hello! How are you? This week marked the end of my longest fucking semester ever, and I’m burnt like a mo’fuckah. You may have noticed the updates around these parts growing thinner and thinner as the winter turned into spring. This was in direct correlation with the workload I had on campus, the frying of my synapses, and the amount of tears I wept into my pillow as my boy-parts shriveled and decayed under constant duress. Shit culminated this week in the absence of an edition of Variant Covers, and for that I apologize.
I’m done though, fucking done! So I’m shutting my brain down for the weekend, starting now, and you’ll have to make due without me. I know it won’t be hard, I’ve barely been here anyways. So no Press Start!, and unless something calamitious or outstanding happens, I’m drinking Diet Mountain Dews and watching television until I shit and piss myself with glee.
Shit will be back to normal on Monday, and I wish you all a flushing of your genitals until we meet again.
[Coops or Rendar may be bringing their fury this weekend, I’m not sure. If they shall, you will be blessed, for they are my far superiors.]
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‘Gears of War 3’ Teaser For Teaser Is Silly, Pointless, Real.
Epic Games has released a teaser for a teaser they’ll soon be dropping for Gears of War 3. The actual promo will “debut on May 28 during the Champions League Final Match…and during Game 6 of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals in the U.S.” What I find amazing is anyone who actually gets into the storyline for the Gears of War titles. They’re a minefield of hilarious brodude conventions and dickrock tropes. In other words, I fucking love them in some ironic, but not completely ironic, self-aware, but still mouth-breathing sort of way.
Hit the jump for the teaser of the teaser.
Official Photo Of Tom Hardy As Bane From ‘The Dark Knight Rises.’ Fap. Fap Hard.
Warner Bros. has released their first official image from ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ and it’s of Tom Hardy as Bane. My erection is so hard that my vision is swimming. The actual image is pretty cool, but what it all suggests though quite obvious – that this movie is fucking real and actually happening – has me losing my shit.
Hit the jump for the official image.
‘Modern Warfare 3’ Premiere Set For May 23. Or Last Week, LOL.
You have to hand it to Infinity Ward and perhaps more importantly Activision. Despite the fact that Modern Warfare 3’s asshole was blown wide open last week for the geek world to see, they’re still trumping its “premiere.”
Astronomer Discovers Planets That Don’t Have Orbits. Que?!
There’s a lot of complicated shit in a recent astronomy article that my limited attention span can’t keep track of. What I can tell you after skimming it is this, apparently some fucking planets don’t have orbits. Outstanding.
‘Resistance 3’ Scores Sexy Olly Moss Artwork For Cover.
Insomniac Games has partnered with geek favorite artist Olly Moss – check out his swag here – for the the cover to Resistance 3. It’s pretty fucking awesome.
Hit the jump to check it out.
‘Neuromancer’ Movie Goes Into Pre-Production. Gulp.
William Gibson’s Neuromancer is something of a Bible to me. A sacred text. For years they’ve been talking about getting a movie done, and now it’s officially moving into pre-production.
DEFEAT. 033 – Hallway Lesson Plans
[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction. Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]
Gramps and Daryl walked down the hallways with resolve. Neither had any desire to spend another second in the school, a place that was supposed to foster reason and rational thought but was overrun by small-minded tyrants. Ah, just like the real world!
And also like the real world, Daryl had been punished for calling into question the legitimacy of a reigning power. With his balled-up fist, Daryl asked Brady Moore’s jaw Hey, what makes you think that you have the right to do whatever you want?! For these efforts, the teen was suspended for the remainder of the school day.
The bell rang and a cavalcade of bleary-eyed youngsters filed out of classrooms. They were tired and hungry, teeming with hormones and devoid of reason, underappreciated by their teachers and over-appreciated by their parents. Those that noticed Daryl slapped him on the back and thanked him for his early-morning contribution.
After all, word travels quickly in a high school. In terms of pure speed, the gossiping patterns of suburban youths ages fourteen to eighteen should be studied by telecommunications companies. Without any sort of genuine perspective, most of these students find no greater satisfaction than in hearing and spreading the tale of some rule’s infraction:
Who did what? Seriously? Does Becky know? She doesn’t? She has to. Well, yeah, I know she’s stupid but Jake is her boyfriend! And they’re serious! They’ve been a couple, for like, seven weeks! Well, I think it’s cool that he did that but he’s going to get in trouble and you have to realize that if it comes out that you were with him then you’re totally going to get busted as well, and there goes our big after-prom party that I finally convinced my dad…
And so on.
And so on.
And so on.
Swimming against the current of rumors and unfulfilled potential, both Daryl and Gramps saw a figure with whom they needed to speak. The relationship each held with this pretty young thing was unbeknownst to the other. For one of them, she was one of those rare teachers who was both intelligent and concerned. For the other, she was the daughter of a friend who had been known and looked after for decades.
Worlds apart and yet within the same hemisphere.
Boat Load of ‘X-Men: First Class’ Promo Pictures; Bras and Mutants.
The world of ‘X-Men: First Class’, where January Jones lounges in a gorgeous bra and panties, and every dude dresses the way you wish you did. I can’t wait.
Hit the jump for a shit load of pictures.
Game of Thrones: The Wolf and the Lion
More than any other episode thus far, “The Wolf and the Lion” feature moments that did not occur in the book. While some fans may turn their nose up at this, I think it’s been the only way to present some of the character backgrounds and relationships penned by George R.R. Martin. Writers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have been doing an excellent job at adapting Martin’s rich tomes and this episode prominently displays their understanding of the material. The great scene between Robert and Cersei is a perfect example of this. It never happens in the books, but it makes sense on the screen and allows newbie viewers a deep look into how things work in the Seven Kingdoms.
