Ride me with! We have ourselves a rootin’ tootin’ motherfucking pull list to spit about. This is Variant Covers, the weekly column where us of the nerd predilection spout off the comic books we’re snagging tomorrow.

After a hiatus last week in which I graded final exams, wrote my own bullshit papers, and generally wept at the Sky Gods for forging such an unfavorable existence, I’m stoked to be back. There is a good goddamn backlog of comics I haven’t gotten to, and I’m using the semester break to tear gleefully into the ass of my Stack’o’Funnies. I’m coming for you, Detective Comics, Cowboy Ninja Viking Vol. 2, Black Hole, and hopefully others.

But this week, let’s gab about this week.

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So long, Viserys. I’m glad to see that in the end you finally got that crown you were constantly whining about. You have to admit though, Viserys went from being a total prick when we first met him to just plain pathetic right before they pour gold all over his head. I wouldn’t call it tragic, but he’s been told since he was five years old that the he would be king – a “dragon.” Watching a crowd chant the name of his sister’s unborn prince – Rhaego – was his tipping point. Ah, well. The crowning scene was beautifully brutal nonetheless.

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At this point it should be obvious that I’m an unabashed Call of Duty slut. I’ll spread my legs for Infinity Ward, Treyarch, it doesn’t matter. So without exaggeration, this trailer made my nipples hard.

Hit the jump to check it out.

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The American Dream walks among us and we don’t recognize him. He’s not a weepy bootlegger, changing his name and spying on his babe from across Long Island Sound. And he’s not some punk-ass kid running away from Pencey Prep, hoping to bang broads in the big city and failing miserably. And he sure as hell isn’t some over-the-hill salesman who’s hopin’ that his suicide will save his family.

This is the fuckin’ future, so let’s pay it some damn respect. The American Dream is digital – aspirations have been converted to ones and zeros. The collective consciousness is uploaded and downloaded, torrented with the assistance of an Electrical Storm Zeitgeist.

You’re reading  MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE, the weekly post where I jabber pseudo-philosophy at you and then show you what I’ll be doing during the week. We all know the drill – the workweek sucks, so let’s find some refuge in the shit that makes us happy. After I detail my plans, you hit up the comments section and share yours. And thus, a dialogue is born.

Let’s do this.

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Sony’s having a rough fucking go of it this year. Latest case in point: the PSN calamity which has kept may a dork aflutter with video game website news is going to cost them $171 million.

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Enlarge. | Via.

One of Jupiter’s moons, motherfucking Io, has more than 400 active volcanoes. This picture taken by the Galileo spacecraft has caught some of those bad boys in action.

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Rocksteady Studios has dropped their rendition and interpretation of The Penguin from Arkham City on our asses, and it’s the same character we’ve come to know throughout years of Bat lore.

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[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]

The Incredible Hulk is one of the most venerated comics characters of all-time, and rightfully so. In one way or another, can’t we all sympathize with the plight of Bruce Banner? A repressed weakling, Banner occasionally allows his frustrations to get the best of him. And when they do, the dude turns into a giant green rage-monster and starts beating the shit out of everything in sight.

Maybe the guy just needs to get laid.

So who’s Banner’s lady of choice? Well it’s Betty Ross, daughter of arch-nemesis General Thaddeus Ross (oh, how naughty!). While countless artists have penciled Betty over the years, she’s most recently been portrayed by two smokin’ Hollywood babes.

In 2003’s Hulk, Betty Ross was played by Jennifer Connelly. The movie was a damn disaster (a movie based on the Hulk should never try to be a psychological thriller) but Connelly was damn gorgeous. Truthfully, I can’t really recall how her acting was in the flick, but she won an Academy Award for her role in Crazy Math-Guy so I’ll assume she rocked.

About five years later, Liv Tyler took the reins for The Incredible Hulk. Tyler, having proven her worth as a half-elf, was more than ready to play Banner’s beauty. This movie was definitely a step in the right direction, and I think it’s fair to give Steven Tyler’s daughter some of the credit.

So, who’s the real Betty Ross? Jennifer Connelly or Liv Tyler?

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Say what you will about his latest exploits, but I believe that the good Arnold Schwarzenegger has done for the world far outweighs the bad. First, he pushed the limits of the human physique (albeit with steroids), proving that science can even be used to improve the doughy mounds of flesh that we call our bodies. Then Arnie took it upon himself to redefine action movies. Hell, just think of all the great Schwarzenegger flicks – The Terminator, Predator, Total Recall, Conan the Barbarian, Kindergarten Cop, True Lies, and so many more.

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Well shit. Macho Man Randy Savage has been killed today in a car accident.

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