Oh shit! Jim Lee is returning to Batman. Not to do something foolish like finishing off his run on All-Star Batman and Robin with Frank Miller, though its been rumored that he actually is going to complete that. Instead, the Dude Supreme of the 1990s is teaming up with Brian Azzarello for Batman: Europa.

The Source:

In the pages of BATMAN: EUROPA, the impossible has happened – the Batman is on the brink of defeat, at the hands of a virus with no cure. Surely there’s someone that can help him? Well, there is – the Joker. Who infected Batman with the virus? What does the Joker have to do to save him? And how can it all happen before the Dark Knight collapses? Together, the unlikely teammates and arch-foes travel through Europe cobbling together clues while the clock ticks down.

Well, alright then! I’m sold. I’m not a huge Jim Lee fan, but in a contradictory and ironic twist, his penciling something is enough to get me excited. Makes sense, right? Not at all? Oh, yeah, you’re probably correct. In a futile effort to defend my continual bipolarity, he’s such an icon that anything he drops is worth checking out. Especially considering that his work on Batman: Hush was friggin’ fantastic.

Over on Flickr, Adam Lowe has posted pictures of his custom made casing for the forthcoming Scott Pilgrim Blu-Ray. Aping the looks of an NES case, his work is a resplendent article of dork bonery.

God damn, Japan. You guys are out of your fucking mind. Behold Dream Club Zero, for the Xbox 360. Dropping in Japan later this year, the “dating simulation” allows you to pump sausages into eerily prepubescent chicks. Sounds like a regular date of yours? You’re probably on a red-worded list somewhere. Nothing says dating like molesting little girls with a fucking bratwurst. Good god damn.

I know that I didn’t cover any of the casting for the new X-Men movie, and here I am jerking off over the Spider-Man sheez. Well, I’ll inform you as to why I am behaving in this manner! At the time, I didn’t give a fuck about First Class. Forgive me! I’m sort of coming around on it now, though.

However, given that Marc Webb made my weepy, pussy, emo child heart leap and sing with 500 Days of Summer, I’ve been invested in his whole Spider-man reboot enterprise. Well come today, we find out that Emma Stone is going to be playin’ Gwen Stacy in the next movie. Say word? Say word! Stone was pretty dope in Zombieland and Superbad, and though I haven’t seen it, I’ve been told that Easy A is pretty snazzy.

I’m sold on it, yo. When they had reported that she was going to be MJ (since she’s always rocking red hair), I was like, oh? But now that she’s Gwen Stacy, I’m all, oh!

Yeah, I’m just babbling. Here’s hoping that Stone’s neck breaks and we all are moved by it. [Confused and aghast? LEARN YOUR LORE KID.]

Source: ~navspec via Gamefreaks

In the span of five minutes yesterday, some grand mal douchebag in my class talked up The Phantom Menace as being a great movie, and then informed me he didn’t read Watchmen because Alan Moore “irked” him. The fact that he didn’t receive a jackknife powerbomb from me is both a blessing from god, and a sign my anti-psychotics are working.

In a more civilized time, I could have self-corrected this ass-hat’s douchery with a stern application of the most vicious move in pro wrestling. By god! How didn’t more people die from this? But alas, I can only watch this video, and dream of a time when society was able to police itself.

[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

Daryl got out of the car, took three steps, and then stopped dead in his tracks.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been totally showing my bipolar roots when it comes to the Thor movie. I’m stoked, I’m not stoked. I’m excited, I think their outfits look like Hot Topic bullshit. Yes, and no. Up and down. As of the time of this post, and subject to change, I’m pretty fucking pumped about the movie. These scans came out yesterday, thanks to intrepid people with scanners and Empire magazine. They look righteous, with a smoldering emo Thor looking god damn fantastic in his costume.

Hit the jump for Asgardian wankery.

Read the rest of this entry »

The second episode of this season’s Dexter dropped, and it was second verse, same as the first. Dexter spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out how he was going to reconcile his family life with the fact that he has to kill people to sate his blood frenzy. Thankfully, by the end of the episode Those Fucking Annoying Kids were packed up and headed to their fucking grandparents’ house.

Thank. God.

I was pretty stoked when Astor and Cody got their insufferable asses packed up into a car and sent off to their grandparents’ house in Orlando. Seriously Astor, fuck you. Your Dad was a crackhead douchebag, who Dexter had to take out just to keep him from romping around your house.

And you dare raise your voice to this guy? And state that you want to go live with Nana and Pop-Pop? Have fun with that shit, yo. Someday you’re going to come downstairs and find your Nana topless, with a pair of fudged undies giving your grandfather a blow-job. Just look in the eyes of those two, they’re fucking freaks. Gramps got a bit of the nasty in him.

Then three years later, if that isn’t enough, they’re going to die. Don’t call Dexter when it happens, cool?

Read the rest of this entry »

What a fantastic week in the world of funny books. There’s a good amount of shit dropping that I’m digging and/or have been anticipating for a while now. Some weeks it’s bare bones, other weeks it’s a raping and pillaging of my wallet. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground, which is cool, because what is the internet for! If not for bitching and moaning?

—-

S.H.I.E.L.D #4
Whenever S.H.I.E.L.D drops, it’s my favorite book of the week. Easily, and without contention. Hickman and Weaver are combining their powers like fucking Captain Planet to give me a mind-raping that I welcome with open uh, mind-anus? Whatever. Seriously though, it’s a combination of epic Marvel action during the days of DaVinci, humanist philosophy, and really, really, really gorgeous artwork. It’s raged from being unknown and underneath the radar to one of the dopest and most acclaimed titles of the year, and if you haven’t hitched yourself to its Icarus wings yet, it’s about time that you got on board.

Last episode was Sir Isaac Newton copulating with an alien, and enslaving Nostradamus to help him guide the trajectory of human history. This episode? Apparently there’s a fetus of god being born, as well as a throwdown with a Celestial. This son of a bitch is hitting on so many cylinders, it’s scary. Well worth your $3.

Also In The Marvel Universe:
Sometimes I kick it around the horn in a Universe when there’s a particularly large deluge rocketing down the pipe, and this week seems fitting. There’s a huge heaping of Thor dropping this week. The aforementioned scribe superior, Hickman is debuting his Ultimate Thor this week, and like a moaning fanboy of his, I’ll be checking it out. Not content, more Thor for you? Even though he’s becoming the Asgardian equivalent of Deadpool when it comes to over-exposure? Hit up Thor: For Asgard. The artwork by Bianchi sells it by itself. Uncanny X-Force #1 debuts this week, and yeah? I don’t know man. At one point in my life, the word “Uncanny” meant a shitload to me. Know it just bums me out, and makes me which I was still running the Australian outback with Claremont and Silvestri.

Read the rest of this entry »