Bayonetta is going to be one of those things that I’m not going to stop talking about until I play it. Every week seems to bring another god damn revelation that pushes me towards the brink of both human, and gamer climax. Last week it was a Japanese commercial that featured “Nonstop Climax Action” and a Bayonetta sucking a lollipop. This week? Bayonetta butt cheeks. Butt cheeks are awesome. Seriously. Male and female bums are cool, and the cheeks are a big part of the hotness.

Well, apparently a demo for Bayonetta is out, and it features her and her butt cheeks. Why, you ask? Tell them, Destructoid!

Bayonetta’s magical hair wraps around her body and acts like clothing. The hair is also used in a variety of attacks, able to form fists, boots and huge monsters. The beauty of this system is that every time Bayonetta pulls off a combo, she loses her clothes. The more impressive the move, the more naked she gets. It’s genius on a fiendish level.

Let me break it down for you guys. This is fucking phenomenal.

1. The more ass you kick
2. The more ass you see

This is brilliance.

One of the smartest things that Square did back in the day was bundle hot-ass demos for a Final Fantasy game with some other title you were never going to play. It was enough for me to buy both Tobal No. 1 and Brave Fencer. They were both pretty sweet, but I would have never touched them otherwise.

Well, EA seems pretty smart. Them or Bioware. Because bundled in with a new copy of BioWare’s upcoming Dragon Age Origins is a sweet piece of armor. That you can use in the forthcoming Mass Effect 2. Listen, I would drink toilet water that has been used by Shepard and crew. So this armor is so, so, so fucking tempting.

I had tried to forget about the fact that they were bundling this sexy armor for ME2 in with Dragon Age, but then BioWare released this video where you see it in action. In Mass Effect 2. Lords of Kobol, give me discipline. Check out the video after the jump.
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Via Slashfilm:

Three weeks prior to its October 28th release, Michael Jackson’s This Is It is now one of the MovieTickets.com Top-25 Advance Ticket Sellers of All-Time, bumping The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring from the Number 25 slot. At the same point in the sales cycle, Michael Jackson’s This Is It is on the heels of Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds, the highest grossing concert film of all-time.

I’ll stop complaining about people worshiping a child-molesting monster when people stop worshiping a child-molesting monster. That goes for you too, Polanski!

Seriously, what the fuck is going on? Is Child Molesting the New Black? Someone grab their binoculars and let’s go hunt some playgrounds. If you’re not nose deep in Smurf underwear, you’re a lamer!

Halloween is all about candy — candy corn, candied apples, free candy, and sometimes even candy girls. It’s wonderful! Provided the shady neighbors aren’t slipping crack cocaine into the trick-or-treat bags or luring children into their drug dens, the prospect of free candy is truly a beautiful thing.

But I feel the need to pause for a moment. I mean, I can’t go on eating candy forever! That’s kid stuff. I’m almost twenty-three goddamn years old. It might be time to grow up and start thinking about being an adult. That, of course, means doing adult things like wearing a tie during the work week and eating a well-balanced diet.

And in case you’ve been out of the loop for the last bajillion years or so, a well-balanced diet starts with a nutritious, complete breakfast. Typing this phrase into the patented PEPSIBONES-INTERNET SEARCH ENGINE, I found the perfect foodstuff to get my day going:

Boo Berry.

The flavor is roughly equivalent to what you would be left with if you dumped a pound of blueberries into a bowl of sugar and then took them right out. The mascot is a (mentally challenged?) ghost with a hat. And, as stated in the 1973 advertisement posted below, Boo Berry is both nutritious and part of a complete breakfast.

I mean, seriously, what’s not to love?

Effective immediately, Boo Berry is to be recognized as the official breakfast of OCTOBERFEAST!

Ben Bishop is a sick artist out of Portland, Maine that I met at a Boston comic convention last year. Although strapped for cash at the time, Ben cut me a deal and I walked away with a sketchbook. I was so impressed by the work within that I ended up ordering Nathan the Caveman, his self-published debut. If you ever get the chance, check it out because it is an extremely strong first-effort, a genuinely affective love story spanning across the history of humanity.

But even if  you’d rather do yourself a disservice and not read Nathan the Caveman, you can still help out Ben Bishop. Ben is submitting a t-shirt design (as seen above) to Threadless.com. However, he needs votes in order to stand any chance  of having it  printed. As he stated in an email to his mailing list:

hey everyone, PLEASE help me out and VOTE on my TSHIRT DESIGN! if it wins it gets printed and sold and   i could get $2,000 , which i could REALLY USE! haha. its very simple, all you have to do is follow the instructions after this link! please please please. if you know anyone please have them vote as well! thanks so much!
http://threadless.com/submission/234157/killagorilla

—
– Ben Bishop

So there you have it. Help the dude out – he’s a great artist who deserves support (and could use some cash). Also, in case you couldn’t tell – that shirt design is fucking rad.

And if this Bishop’s t-shirt gets printed, maybe we could convince this Bishop to loan us his shirt:

Looking ahead to some of my tentative choices, I realized the concoction known as OCTOBERFEAST was beginning to seem a bit unbalanced. Yes, by its very nature Halloween lends itself more to heavy metal and horror movies than anything else. However, I feel like part of my duty is to create a seasonal dish that satisfies the demands of a more well-rounded palate.

Therefore, today’s part of the 31-course meal takes us  to the world of hip-hop. I spent some time searching for a good lyrical anthem geared towards Halloween but didn’t manage to find anything too amazing. (Note: If you know of a solid rap song explicitly about the holiday, please let me know). Fortunately, I wracked my brain (almost to the point of mental instability) and managed to conjure up a candidate: Jay-Z’s Lucifer.

While groovier than any of the double-bass riddled songs I’m going to submit later this month, this Jay-Z track is definitely evil enough for OCTOBERFEAST. I mean, it’s titled Lucifer…as in Satan or the Devil. C’mon, you know what I’m talking about – the motherfucking Prince of Darkness! The antithesis of all that is holy and righteous! God’s arch-nemesis! If for nothing else, the title of this song warrants its inclusion.

With that being said, it is also worth mentioning that a bit of controversy erupted over the song. Being gullible and unwilling to do any critical thinking, there were some individuals who argued that if played backwards (as in, “Paul is Dead”) Lucifer contains satanic messages. This pastor tried to demonstrate that reversing the track reveals the subliminal messages “Murder Jesus” and “666.”

In reality, I wish that Jay-Z really took it upon himself to hide satanic messages in his music. That shit would be sick. Unfortunately, even the most cursory internet research unveils the fact that the audible “Murder Jesus” and “666″ is the product of DJ Dangermouse’s Jay-Z/Beatles remix known as the Grey Album.

Sorry to disappoint, Reverend Bunghole — Jay-Z isn’t in cahoots with the Devil.

Last but not least, the tune is damn catchy. The Black Album is one of my favorite rap albums and this is one of the standout tracks. I was unable to find a live video of the song, but found yet another ridiculous slideshow; this time, the song is set to an array of renderings of Lucifer himself.

So even if you don’t usually dabble in hip-hop, give this video a peek. And rest assured – there is plenty of heavy metal on the way.

I consider myself a fan of movies. Granted, I’m no expert and I never went to film school, but I consider myself to be a step above the slack-jawed assholes who eat up any mindless drivel the studios produce. I think that I’m somewhere in between — not quite a cinematic snob, but certainly not a mere casual viewer.

With that being said, it is with a hint of embarrassment that I make my confession. Up until last fall, when it was required for a class, I had never seen Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. I suppose part of my disinterest was rooted in the fact that I had (through top-ten lists and pop-cultural ubiquity) already viewed the shower scene and knew of the twist-ending. My justification for not watching Psycho was the assumption that although it was probably a decent movie, its reputation had probably been inflated over time.

I was wrong — way wrong. As I learned last autumn, Psycho is a truly terrifying film. Watching it in the darkened basement viewing room of my college, I frequently found myself looking over my shoulder, making sure no one was coming for me.

Unlike most modern horror flicks, Psycho is deftly built on suspense and an embracing of the unknown. The creepiness of the movie is not in masturbatory gore, but in waiting for an act of violence you just know is coming. And when it  comes it is fast, brutal, unrelenting, and unfocused — just as I imagine being stabbed to death would be.

Additionally, I also find Bernard Hermann’s score to be an integral part of Psycho. Lifting a paragraph from a presentation I gave, I like to make the argument that Psycho’s music represents the dueling components of Norman Bateman’s unstable conscious:

Another choice of the director that facilitates Psycho’s examination of conflicting mental subdivisions is the use of Bernard Herrman’s score. As evidenced in opening credits, Herrman’s score simultaneously makes use of beautiful, sweeping melodies and hauntingly harsh, accented, staccato notes. The two distinct musical accompaniments form Psycho’s theme as a whole, just as the conscious and unconscious are two parts of the same mind. With this in mind, it seems reasonable to suggest that a lack of melody from the film’s score signifies the absence of the conscious, and therefore an ascendancy of the unconscious. In essence, it is no coincidence that short, dissonant quarter notes with no melody complement the instances in which the conscious is most obviously overwhelmed by the unconscious.

Psycho is a rad movie. And even if you know the truth about Mrs. Bates or have seen the shower scene, you should check it out.

Now for your viewing pleasure — a decent fan-made trailer:

I didn’t give a shit about the Clash of the Titans remake coming out next year. And then I saw Liam Neeson rocking the fuck out as Zeus in this picture. Can you you say god damn awesome? Liam Neeson is the man. He was the shining spot of the shit-bomb prequels. Qui-Gon Jin was radical, even if he had to put up with snotty little kids and barren women named Shmi. Shmi. Then he kicked the crap out of everyone in Taken.

Now he’s rocking the hell out of ornate armor as my God of choice. You can have your pathetic Jesus, I’ll take my lightning bolt throwing Zeus, god of sky and thunder.

For this helping of OCTOBERFEAST, let’s play a round of Six Degrees of Separation:

1) Halloween is a night when kids and teens reign supreme.

2) Making the most of this single-night supremacy, many youths enjoy vandalism.

3) Perhaps the most popular act of Hallow’s Eve vandalism is that of smashing pumpkins.

4) The Smashing Pumpkins are an alt-rock group whose popularity peaked in the 1990’s.

5) The lead guitarist and singer for The Smashing Pumpkins is Billy Corgan.

6) In the mid 1980’s, Billy Corgan filmed himself trying to shred.

There we have it. I now present (mullet and all) a Billy Corgan guitar solo from nearly twenty five years ago.