THE OCULUS JUGGERNAUT SHALL NOT BE BOWED BY MORTAL OR DEITY. The company is acquiring talent like a motherfucker, and now they’re starting to snag up companies. The VR Headset That Shall Be has acquired the team that designed the Xbox 360 controller and the original Kinect. Kinect can get fucked and all that, but I’ll be goddamned if I wasn’t madly in love with the 360’s pad.
OKAY FOLKS. Listen up. Between the alimony hearings, the drug use, the fact that Feedly went down for two fucking days, and my favorite butt plug melting in my dishwasher (which required an immediate journey to the upper mountains of the Appalachians to replace), there’s some E3 STUFF I DIDN’T GET TO. However, I also posted a fucking fuckload. Here in one batch is everything I’ve caught from E3. Posted, and previously unposted. Sorted by console. Don’t see your fave announcement/game? Hit the comments. I’ll add it. I know I’m missing a lot. Also! Use this space just to shoot the E3 shit. Read the rest of this entry »
Xbox is rolling out a fucking panoply of original TV content starting in June. Wee?I mean, I guess this is a good thing. ‘Cause outside of Titanfall, I don’t really have a fucking reason to use my XB1 these days. Here’s hoping the initiative is the fucking tits.
It’s finally happened. Remember the urban legend that said there was a fucking landfill out in New Mexico filled with unsold copies of that raw-ass E.T: The Extratesticle tie-in game? Well, friends. Transmute that mythos into undeniable fact.
Yeahhh! Pig alert! I can’t help it (Yes I can, I’m just a piece of shit.) I want to swerve my swizzle stick all around Master Chief’s blue-bummed aid’s ass. Or something. What am I even talking about? So tired. Oh yeah! Being attracted to polygons. Cortana. Yum yum. Microsoft must know that I’m not alone, because they’re calling their Siri equivalent “Cortana.”
Respawn Entertainment’s Xbox One exclusive has gotten itself a gameplay trailer, and my goodness. I’m not one to lean on hyperbole for descriptiveness (heh), but watching this trailer literally compelled my dong-tip to burst forth off the shaft. It fluttered about the room, running up the corners of the walls in a hysteria. After finally exhausting itself of its unexplained kinetic energy, it fell listlessly into the aquarium. Where the angelfish ate it.
This is froggy fresh. One of the interesting things about this Fall is that titles are dropping across multiple generations. What if I buy Call of Duty: It’s A Doggy Dog Life on my 360, but then I snag an XBONE for Christmas? What will happen to all those wonderful maps I snagged? Microsoft? They’re actually doing me a fucking solid.
I have to hand it to the Xbox One. It is fucking awesome at moonwalking. Just backpedalling like a motherfucker. All smooth and shit, feet gliding over the floor.
Microsoft is dropping their policy of charging game developers for patches, and other updates. Pretty neat. The cost apparently was significant, and if I recall correctly drove away indie studios from patching their games and the such. Was it Fez that gave up being patched? I think? Anyways — neat.
Let’s talk about how important Monday was for determining the game industry’s narrative for the coming months.
Let’s also talk about what it means to gamers like you, and me, and how industry giants like Microsoft and Sony communicated with us via the grand stage of E3.
Monday saw PR-beleageured Microsoft take the stage first, around 9:30 a.m. Pacific Time. There’s no beating around the bush – they had an uphill battle to wage, one very much set up by their own PR snafoos over the last month.