It is with somber tones, ashen eyes, and a strained sadness that I announce that the Xbox 360 has ceased production. Man, my Xbox 360 and me spent some serious fucking time together. Or rather, my three Xbox 360s and me spent some serious fucking time together. From Gears to the Mass Effect series to Fallout 3, I probably chalked up thousands of hours of my twenty-somethings on Microsoft’s sophomore console.
It really chaps my ass that PS4 ain’t getting backwards compatibility. It really chaps my ass that Xbox One is getting backwards compatibility. This despite the fact that I friggin’ own an XB1. And come November 12, I’ll be able to rock a new dashboard and Xbox 360 games on my aforementioned MicroConsole.
Xbox. Like, I should be really excited about your vibin’, comrade. I own all your systems! I love the fact that your Head Czar wants *alll* the backwards compatibility. But with every victorious development that is revealed, I just wish Sony would handle their shit.
I mean…No matter what he does, the HoloLens couldn’t ever possibly be lamer than the ending to Mass Effect 3, right? Maybe? #LetItGoCaffLetItGo
THE OCULUS JUGGERNAUT SHALL NOT BE BOWED BY MORTAL OR DEITY. The company is acquiring talent like a motherfucker, and now they’re starting to snag up companies. The VR Headset That Shall Be has acquired the team that designed the Xbox 360 controller and the original Kinect. Kinect can get fucked and all that, but I’ll be goddamned if I wasn’t madly in love with the 360’s pad.
OKAY FOLKS. Listen up. Between the alimony hearings, the drug use, the fact that Feedly went down for two fucking days, and my favorite butt plug melting in my dishwasher (which required an immediate journey to the upper mountains of the Appalachians to replace), there’s some E3 STUFF I DIDN’T GET TO. However, I also posted a fucking fuckload. Here in one batch is everything I’ve caught from E3. Posted, and previously unposted. Sorted by console. Don’t see your fave announcement/game? Hit the comments. I’ll add it. I know I’m missing a lot. Also! Use this space just to shoot the E3 shit. Read the rest of this entry »
Xbox is rolling out a fucking panoply of original TV content starting in June. Wee?I mean, I guess this is a good thing. ‘Cause outside of Titanfall, I don’t really have a fucking reason to use my XB1 these days. Here’s hoping the initiative is the fucking tits.
It’s finally happened. Remember the urban legend that said there was a fucking landfill out in New Mexico filled with unsold copies of that raw-ass E.T: The Extratesticle tie-in game? Well, friends. Transmute that mythos into undeniable fact.
Yeahhh! Pig alert! I can’t help it (Yes I can, I’m just a piece of shit.) I want to swerve my swizzle stick all around Master Chief’s blue-bummed aid’s ass. Or something. What am I even talking about? So tired. Oh yeah! Being attracted to polygons. Cortana. Yum yum. Microsoft must know that I’m not alone, because they’re calling their Siri equivalent “Cortana.”
Respawn Entertainment’s Xbox One exclusive has gotten itself a gameplay trailer, and my goodness. I’m not one to lean on hyperbole for descriptiveness (heh), but watching this trailer literally compelled my dong-tip to burst forth off the shaft. It fluttered about the room, running up the corners of the walls in a hysteria. After finally exhausting itself of its unexplained kinetic energy, it fell listlessly into the aquarium. Where the angelfish ate it.