Welcome to Press Start! It’s a column about my intense self-loathing, eating and masturbatory habits, cleverly disguised as a week in the events of video game culture. Come on in.
This, this is the goodness right here. As the frost covers the ground, just imagine this wonderful lass keeping you company.
Whassup with Bethesda, man? When Fallout 3 dropped, they unleashed a torrent of solid DLC. Skyrim? Different story. Here is the trailer for the Dragonborn DLC, but with it dropping nearly a year later, how many of you fools are enticed?
Sometimes it’s quite difficult to come up with amusing and witty quips for these intros. Well, it is if you’re me, anyway. So, in the absence of comedy and wit, here are some suggestions for amusing accents that you can use whilst you read this week’s Press Start in your head:
-Stoic Japanese Samurai
- Disgruntled Pierce Brosnan
- Aroused Patrick Stewart
Now, on with the video games.
Here’s a second batch of Skyrim DLC I won’t be buying. Until some late night when I’m drunk and wistful, proclaiming to myself that I wish I could just “live in Skyrim” because “despite the dragons, it is quite a beautiful place” and everything.
It’s been a spell since I’ve snuggled up against the arctic loins of Skyrim. During our separation, my heart has indeed grown fonder. I find myself thinking of the game, fingering the bauble it left me for Christmas. My heart yearns, and so it shall be answered. Here’s the trailer for our upcoming reunion, the DLC Dawnguard.
Finally. Skyrim’s first piece of DLC has been announced. It’s called Dawnguard and it is arriving this summer.
Skyrim is getting Kinect support today, adding functionality I pray you never asked for and will never use. On a happier note, they’re going to tease our tips and nips about upcoming DLC as well.
Listen, Skyrim. I need your fucking DLC yesterday. Here’s hoping these files that were dredged up are confirmation that you’re coming soon. Otherwise I’m going to stab you with ice-hardened tits.