#July2014

This is the first image of the Moon by a U.S. spacecraft. Neato.

it's the goddamn moon!

This is the “first picture taken of the moon” by U.S. spacecraft. “First.” If you believe that, I got a fucking bridge to sell you. I have it on good authority that the U.S. has had a base on the Dark Side of the Moon since Teddy Roosevelt’s first administration. Studying the Martians. Preparing. Always preparing.

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NASA: Testing laser-powered drill to explore Jupiter’s moon, Europa

Europa, wut wut

How the fuck we going to explore Jupiter’s moon, Europa? Eh! It’s iced out as fuck! NASA got itself an idea of how to go about doing it, and it’s begun testing this idea. A fucking laser-powered drill.

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SPECULATION: One of Pluto’s Moons (Charon) could have water

Pluto + Charon.

Hey man, in a world where our empirical data is constantly challenged, isn’t like *bong rip* everything just speculation, mannn? But yeah. NASA Astronomer Wizards are wondering if there is water on one of Pluto’s moons. Which would be neat. It’d be one more resource the slap-ass dummies who run the world couldn’t get together to harvest. Ah man *bong rip* I gotta keep that PMA.

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Wut: Massive “OCEAN” discovered towards Earth’s core.

THE PLANET CORE

Somewhat fittingly, Bateman and I were recently discussing how the Earth was first populated with water. In a state of inebriation, and probable complete incorrectness, I recalled a theory that the Earth was continuously pelted with comets from the Oort Cloud Kupier Belt. Even if I was recounting the theory correctly (and I’m sure I probably wasn’t), a new challenger to that probably-wrong theory has entered the arena!

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Watch: Hubble captures STAR EXPLOSION in four-year time-lapse video

 

boom

Behold the Universe! Regenerating itself! This four-year time lapse video from Hubble shows a pretty killer star explosion. Reminding us that we ain’t show, but that’s okay because we’re part of something rocking.

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Sun moodily issued forth GIANT SOLAR FLARES this morning

Solar Flares and shit

Sun’s all like. Bro. Your dumb shit blog is dominated by the Electronic Entertainment Expo news. Dumb shit blog. Dumb event. You want news, bro? *Clenches Sun Abdomen and uncorks giant Sun Fart aka Solar Flare* There’s your news.

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Report: NASA totally *can’t afford* manned missions to Mars

Humans on Mars and shit.

So like, bummer. NASA has issued forth a report that finds that the agency cannot afford manned missions to Mars. Inflation and all that happy horseshit precludes the Great Journey. But they ain’t giving up, instead asking the U.S. government to up said budget. C’mon, Uncle Sam. Hook it the fuck up.

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Here’s FOUR GALAXY CLUSTERS getting their SMASH ON

Boom and shit

Tired of Star Wars news? Agitated over the Edgar Wright departure? Here’s some perspective, friends. A goddamn gorgeous picture of four fucking galaxy clusters smashing into one another. Remember, we ain’t shit! So, yeah, that pop culture headache really don’t matter in the long run.

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NASA wants to send PLANET LIFE to Mars in 2020. G’luck.

Mars.

NASA is fixin’ to send some plant life to the Red Planet in 2020. Listen, sounds cool. Right? But if I know one thing, it’s that the radiation on the planet’s surface is going to mutate this plant life. Create thirty-foot sentient Tree Beasts who will wait. Lurk. Build a tribe. And than annihilate the first humans to arrive. It has been written.

Still though, sort of fun?

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NASA got a SPACE VEGETABLE PROJECT. Providing Space Lettuce, Soon!

space lettuce

SPACE LETTUCE, mofuckahs. The time is now, now, now. NASA’s Greens In The Black Expanse of Oblivion project is almost ready to bare…veggies. In space, no one can hear your kids scream about getting veggies! Other dumb intro sentences!

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