We’re going to Europa! With a fucking robot in tow! Make no mistake about it, we’re hunting down life. The Europians shall soon know the glory that is McDonald’s, American football, and human excess! Flee while you can, fuckers!
This is a picture of a sunset on Mars. Just kick back and imagine yourself beholding this beholden beauty upon the Red Dunes of Bradbury-Land. Pass the Space-Beer and the Red Martian Sticky, and let’s let infinity unfold in our minds.
All the planets! We will discover them all! And then — then we will silently weep because we will never reach any of them. Goddamn technological limitations! Goddamn laws of the Universe.
How about dis sheeeeeet? Cassini is rocking out, all gobbling up pictures of Saturn and shit when WHOOSH the goddamn rings disappear. Now you’re thinking what I’m thinking. The rings are techno-organic nano-bots that are operating as a hive mind. They’ve been activated, and now are en route to Earth. Close. We’re close. You see — actually we’re not close. It’s a matter of perspective.
The Big Eye in the Sky ain’t limited to spying on homeless dudes in the streets, our dongs in our houses, and the wild packs of Werewolves that dominate the suburbs on weekends. No ma’am! It’s also got its eye on the Mars Opportunity Rover, making sure it doesn’t discover the secret Illuminati base on Mars. Scary, right? But there’s a bonus! We get wild pictures like this.
Hey kids! Do you want to learn about the Tarantula Nebula? Why, it’s enormous as fuck, active as fuck, and generally has been known to swagger through the cosmos with a bravado described as “The Rock meets Gandhi meets the Grim Reaper.” Hey, don’t ask me. I didn’t come up with it.
Stunning picture of Earth from Mars right up in here. Perspective++, brolos. Ain’t nothing better than being reminded that we’re just a little cute irrelevant speck in the cosmic dust. If we used that revelation to strive for something bigger, of course. Oh, me? I’m going to slap Double Gulps from 7-Eleven all day and look at porn. I’m no leader! You, go, start the revolution. Or pass the Fritos, I don’t care.
Hit the jump for the images.
Two galaxies. Engaged in an epic dance of death. Whilst they slowly pull one another apart, only one shall survive the throwdown. My money is on…the one that the article says will survive. Those space people, they know their shit.
Seagulls are right pricks. Constantly making sojourns to the beach a fucking adventure. Is the seagull going to shit in my hair? Is it going to steal my sandwich while I look wistfully off into the horizon? Is it going to do both? Thankfully the Seagull Nebula is pretty far away. Pretty gorgeous, too.
Here’s one victory for us space nerdos. The International Space Station’s mission just got extended until 2021. More than enough time for me to hone my space-skillz, so I can join my post-Earth brethren up there.