#February2014

NASA has announced discovery of 715 MORE EXOPLANETS

Outer Space.

All the planets! We will discover them all! And then — then we will silently weep because we will never reach any of them. Goddamn technological limitations! Goddamn laws of the Universe.

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NASA abandons repair plans for KEPLER TELESCOPE. Goodnight, Sweet Prince.

Space is the place.

After finding roughly three-fucking-zillion exoplanets, it appears that the Kepler telescope is no longer going to hunt for the little balls of hope out there in the cosmos. It was a good goddamn run. But it needs repairs to maintain its accuracy, and NASA says they probably wouldn’t take.

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Planet with FOUR SUNS found. Tatooine officially offers nothing.

Well shoot. Back in the day Tatooine could get by being a piece of shit desert world because it offered the novelty of two suns. Insert binary sunset. Now it doesn’t have anything to fall back upon. Researches have found a planet for four suns. A planet that farts on Tatooine will kissing its mother. A tragic tale.

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Kepler Scientists Find Weird Solar System Unlike Anything We’ve Seen Before. Humility ++

Deep space examination continues to improve in its accuracy, and with that it brings continual humility to our speculative asses. How many times do we have to say “oh shit we found something unlike anything we’ve previously thought possible!” before we grab the reins on our humanity swag and drink some humility.

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EARTH-LIKE Planets More Common Than Thought, Every Star Has Planets. Woah.

Ain’t this a  hell of a find. New astronomical wizards have come to the conclusion that every star has planets. Take that factoid, and all of a sudden the possibility of Earth-like planets skyrockets. Or is it spacerockets? Yeah, I know. Groan.

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Astronomers Discover New Class of Exoplanet: The Waterworld. Space Fist-Pump.

The Kepler mission has kept us space zealots in writhing moments of euphoria for a while now, but this one is a doozy. Courtesy of its All-Seeing-Eye (listen that’s how I imagine it, okay) they’ve discovered a new class of exoplanet: the waterworld. Insert easy jokes.

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Gamers Discover Two New Planets Using Browser Game. Cyeah!

Gamers are fucking holding it down. When we’re not cracking crazy ass protein thingies that I don’t really understand using Foldit, apparently we’re finding planets. Earth-like ones.

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Every Exoplanet Orbiting Every Star Found By Kepler In One Image.

Enlarge. | Via. | Super High-Res.

Behold!, fellow astronomical dorkcore assholes like myself. The image above is every single exoplanet  orbiting every single star found by the Kepler telescope. Go ahead, click it.

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Kepler Telescope Has Discovered 1,000+ Planets. Good Lord.

You can’t seem to go a week or two these days without some ridiculous news coming out regarding the Kepler telescope. The son of a bitch has been in orbit for something like two years, and the intrepid son of a bitch just keeps finding planets. It’s a planet finding motherfucker. Today it was dropped that Kepler has found in excess of 1,200 possible planets.

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