#January2014

Japan cleaning up space junk with a giant f**king net!

Space Junk

Hey man, space debris is a real fucking problem. I saw Gravity. Blow up one satellite and all of a sudden there’s some insane chain reaction that leads to Sandra Bullock floating around in her underwear. Wait — is that bad? I’m confused now. Well anyways Japan thinks it’s bad. Way bad.

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HUMAN BUTT PILLOWS are a real service Japan offers. Oh, you guys.

I don’t understand Japan. That’s okay. I am certain many peoples from many nations don’t understand the hormone-soaked shores of America. Even without understanding, there is still the ability to marvel at the establishment of such Japanese places like this joint. Here in this wonderland, for some serious cheddar, you can rest your head. On a woman’s ass.

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Japan has a PEPSI that makes absorbing fat difficult. America ++

Here is something that should bless the fair shores of the United States. Japan has a Pepsi that makes it difficult for the body to absorb fat. It’s a nice little workaround the usual things you associate with losing weight. Discipline. Eating right. That sort of stuff.

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Japan Aiming For Self-Driving Cars In Next Ten Years. No Word On Jet Packs.

Japan’s got themselves some swagger. Declaring themselves some goals. Yeah, well we got a guy who can eat nearly seventy hot dogs here in the States.

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Japanese Copyright Law Makes ILLEGAL DOWNLOADS A Criminal Offense

Glad I don’t live in Japan. Not that I pirate shit, or have any sorts of illegal music on my computer, but if I did I would be in trouble. Illegal downloads are now going to carry a heavy fucking penalty in Godzilla’s stomping grounds.

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‘ZONE OF THE ENDS’ SEQUEL Revealed. Nostalgia Pants Creaming

How totally gnarl (yeah, gnarl  it’s the cool kids slang down at the local swing set) is this? Finally, Zone of the Enders  is coming back! to our consoles.

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Japan Successfully Broadcasts 8K Signal; Our TVs Hate Themselves

Like your TV? It’s a piece of shit! A carp sandwich. Over in Japan they’re pushing the pace, daring our TVs to not think of themselves are relics. Detritus.

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JAPAN Turning KFCs Into FANCY BARS. Chicken Grease & Bad Decisions.

Nothing says let’s get buzzed like some grease in the slop-gut. Cracking open a Budweiser and mowing a 12-piece of chicken while rooting on Amorphous Sports Team X is an American tradition. Always has been, always will be. However Japan is looking to wield the two mightiest of American delicacies: greasy and alcohol in an unlikely place. KFCs.

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Mutant Rice To Help Japanese Farmers Recover From Tsunami Damage? Future ++

Hacking the Good Lord out of rice. That’s what some wunder-brains are up to, and this good ole Thwarting Of God’s Plan may help Japanese farmers recover from the damage of last year’s disaster.

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Japanese Politician Wants To Ban Violent Video Games In Tokyo.

this fuckin' guy!

Sometimes I find it comforting to know that my country isn’t the only country full of douchebag human beings incapable of correctly appropriating responsibility and guilt. It isn’t just my country that is crusading against violence in video games instead of crusading for better and healthier understandings of reality for all, and better means of ensuring parents don’t suck fumes from mufflers and pick their teeth with their own pubes.

If a Japanese politician has his way, Japan or more specifically Tokyo will be comfortably rubbing up against us.

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