Nicolas Cage has been turned into a snack in Japan. Typically I spread cheeks and push when it comes to promotional materials for movies. However, this one clearly fucking nails it.
Venus’ atmosphere got itself a serious. Fucking. Gravity wave. We’re talking 6,000 miles-long serious.
There’s an adult VR festival coming to Japan. It’s looking to pair up, uh, pioneers in the world of VR. You know, getting the great and most enterprising minds in teledildonics, virtual reality, and sundry other facets together. Not just to wank with their headsets on, in unison, mind you. Though I must confess I hope that happens. But also to innovate! To brainstorm!
Hack the planet! Or at least the ATM machines. Good grief, that’s a lot of money to gank in such a short amount of time. Or at least it is to me. You know, the headline screamed “this is a big deal” so like a sucker I nod my head. Mmm. Mmm. This is a big deal.
Oh! Great fucking idea, Japan. Gather all the fucking robots in the world together in one place for an Olympics. They can start killing us together as one harmonious unit when they look at one another and realize they’re tired of their subjugation by the Clumsy Flesh Bags.
Hey man, space debris is a real fucking problem. I saw Gravity. Blow up one satellite and all of a sudden there’s some insane chain reaction that leads to Sandra Bullock floating around in her underwear. Wait — is that bad? I’m confused now. Well anyways Japan thinks it’s bad. Way bad.
I don’t understand Japan. That’s okay. I am certain many peoples from many nations don’t understand the hormone-soaked shores of America. Even without understanding, there is still the ability to marvel at the establishment of such Japanese places like this joint. Here in this wonderland, for some serious cheddar, you can rest your head. On a woman’s ass.
Here is something that should bless the fair shores of the United States. Japan has a Pepsi that makes it difficult for the body to absorb fat. It’s a nice little workaround the usual things you associate with losing weight. Discipline. Eating right. That sort of stuff.
Japan’s got themselves some swagger. Declaring themselves some goals. Yeah, well we got a guy who can eat nearly seventy hot dogs here in the States.
Glad I don’t live in Japan. Not that I pirate shit, or have any sorts of illegal music on my computer, but if I did I would be in trouble. Illegal downloads are now going to carry a heavy fucking penalty in Godzilla’s stomping grounds.