Joss Whedon has dared to call one of his shows “very hopeful”, inadvertantly exposing the fact that his existence has been taken over by a Skrull impersonator.
This news is the fantastic, folks. The fantastic.
Hankering for some Marvels-esque narrative up on the ABC television network? I have just the story for you! Served up on a hot platter of immaterial buzz and sheer potentiality.
What a fucking confluence of awesome is coming together in Hollywood. As we speak. Or maybe, it happened a couple of hours ago. But somehow, something out of a nerd wet dream has occurred. Motherfucking Guillermo Del Toro of Hellboy and Pan’s Labryninth and of course fucking Blade 2 fame is teaming up with David Eick, the executive producer of my eternal television orgasm Battlestar Galactica to create a new live-action television show based on the Hulk.
Fuck yes to the fuck yes! It was rumored a couple of months ago, and now this son of a bitch is confirmed.
Details of the premise are sketchy but I hear that the series will follow an origin story. In it, physicist Bruce Banner, whose alter ego is the green and raging Hulk, will be in his mid-twenties, less reactive and more energized as the world is still his oyster. Unlike the two Hulk movies, in which the monster was a pure CGI creation, the series will employ a mixture of prosthetics, puppetry and CGI. Del Toro and Eick will break the story for the pilot script together, sharing story and created by credit. Eick will write the script, with del Toro attached to direct subject to his availability. Del Toro will also oversee the designing of the Hulk character, which is expected to draw on previous comic book incarnations, as well as the original 1978-82 Incredible Hulk TV series, with a few wild tweaks on the old look.
I find this wildly arousing. Del Toro is a straight-up panic attack excitement guru in my world, and Eick has guided one of my favorite franchises ever. It’s particularly exciting, given the fact that they’re going to take a prosthetic approach to some of the Hulk, and if there’s one thing Del Toro can imagine, it’s fucking monsters. I’ve always secretly jerked off to the notion that his eye for creatures could be directed towards some sort of Star Wars flick, but fuck it, I’ll settle for this.
Thoughts? Impressions? Hit the comments box with your take.
Well, I wasn’t expecting this. Despite covering the announcement of Marvel television with Jeph Loeb helming it, I had sort of forgotten entirely about its existence. I was reminded today like fucking woah when it came out that not only is the Hulk being prepped for a television series, but Del Toro himself is making a pitch for it.
Deadline and The Live Feed have the news, announcing that Marvel and ABC are currently in very early stages of development of a live-action (most likely hour-long) series adaptation of the comic book character. The project is part of a push from Marvel to enter the TV realm, kicked off last summer with the launch of Marvel Television. Heroes exec producer Jeph Loeb is the head of the operation, and The Hulk was among two high priority projects they settled on.
Slash points out an obvious but good question: isn’t this just inviting confusion? Dude’s gone through a fucking ludicrous amount of iterations within the last ten years alone. First Eric Bana, then Edward Norton, and currently Mark Ruffalo in the movies. But now they’re tacking on a separate television universe? Aren’t the mouthbreathers going to get confused? Dur! Where is that there guy from the TV tube! Why aren’t he one of them Avengers!
Two different Hulks existing in two different mediums? I don’t know, it seems to be muddying the waters a bit. But there’s good news at least! Fucking David Eick of Battlestar Galactica and Guillermo Del Toro are pitching a take? That’s fucking fantastic. Almost too good to be true.
I’m going to tell you something, and you’re not going to believe me. I had faith that last night’s episode was going to be good. No, seriously. I spent all yesterday talking with friends about LOST, and I kept saying the same thing over and over again. “Yeah man, I don’t know, I just think it’s going to be good.” It’s faith though, yo. What was it based on? Just pure gut. Call me Jack Shephard. I texted my friend Tommy, I talked to Pepsibones. It was going to be good.
There’s something about being an idealist, or an optimist, or whatever you want to call it. But I always believe the best is going to happen somehow.
And sometimes! Sometimes I’m correct. Usually I’m wrong. But I wasn’t last night. What They Died For was easily one of the best episodes of the season, and it’s probably in my Top 10 of the series. Yeah, I went there. It was one of those episodes where LOST is hitting all its high notes. Ridiculous WTF moments, mythos building, and some emotional bullshit thrown into the mix.
I’ve made my ass-crush for Jacob known all season long. Perhaps it’s because I relate to his unyielding optimism. Despite the fact that he’s watched for centuries as man has let him down, he continues to believe that they have the potential for good. I mean, if he hasn’t been crushed by thousands of years of selfish behavior, how could I let Lindelof and Cuse break me in one week? Call my ass adamantium, ’cause my will is unbreakable.
Jacob sits down the remaining candidates and explains to them what they have to do, they have to kill Smokey. Does this not make sense to anyone else? I have always understood that there needed to be balance on the Island, and if MiB was dead, wouldn’t that throw off the scales just like Jacob did? Intriguing. There’s also always the chance that Jacob is using for the sort of Obi-Wan double speak that has rocked out throughout the entire show.
“What do you fucking mean he killed my father, Kenobi? You fucking liar! Don’t give me that manner of speaking bullshit! Ghostly prick!”
Last week there was a serious wrinkle thrown into the whole “The point of the Island is to prevent him from leaving” bullshit, when that Annoying Mom from Juno told the two Wonder Twins that their job was to “Protect the Light”. I just puked in my mouth a little bit. So maybe, perchance, Jack’s role is to dismiss Smokey and then protect the Honeypot Glowing Vagina at the center of the Island?
If anything came out of last week’s train wreck of an episode, it was the humanizing of Jacob, and I sort of dug on that. What I took from Survivor: The Island where all the Candidates and The Lecherous Freckled One sat and spoke with Jacob is that the dude done fucked up by throwing MiB into the Honeypot. Some sort of odd corruption took place when he dinged that donkey-wheelin’ douchebag out and he floated into the light. Smokey was born, and it then became Jacob’s job to protect the light at the center of the Island, and prevent Smokey from leaving.
In a manner of speaking, I am reading the two jobs to be mutually exclusive at this point. Smokey taking off from the Island would extinguish the light, and so Jacob/Jack has the wonderful task of preventing him from leaving, and then preventing anyone from corrupting the light.
First off, I dig the human twist to Jacob. There’s something romantically awful about his plight. The guy’s spent thousands of years trying to prevent Smokey from leaving, while living under the notion that he was eventually going to be killed. Jacob is some weird Cain from Cain and Able. A man filled with good, yet charged with killing his own brother and having to live with the consequences. That shit is heavy! Dude needs a hug.
Secondly, how exactly would anyone find the light if they weren’t deserving of it? Isn’t that the general gist of this week and last’s week episode? It seems to be what he told Jack when he totally became THE ONE.
As I laid awake in bed last night, I contemplated the insane amount of time I have dedicated towards writing about, talking about, and thinking about LOST this year. From beginning in January by writing an article a day for an entire month, to taking screen captures relentlessly to provide you with retarded facial expressions, to writing absurdly long recaps of every episode of this season, I have been all LOST, all the time.
Last night, I watched what I feel is the worst episode of LOST. Ever. Worse than Nikki and Paulo. And I’ll tell you why. Nikki and Paulo were a couple of terrible characters that in the long run, didn’t do anything other than waste our time. Last night, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse bent over, and took a big bloody shit on the entire mythos of LOST.
Not only did they show us the midichlorians like I feared, they then decided to explain the midichlorians’ midichlorians. They spent an hour needlessly explaining things that would have been perfectly fine unexplained. And in doing all of this explaining, they created a universe of utter ridiculousness beyond the scope of ridiculousness in which LOST already exists. They took muddled concepts that were cool because they were never explained, and made them insensibly more complicated and lame.
What an absurd world of convenience they built last night. Let’s see Jacob and Smokey are twins? Really? How heavy-handed and retarded is that? And in case you missed it, the dichotomy that separates the two of them, after immediately being shit out of some woman we’ve never met before, they’re wrapped in blankets of white and black. Just in case you couldn’t put it together. That’s what is wrong with LOST this season, an inexplicable drive to replace all of their vaporous bullshit that stemmed from sloppy writing with hard line answers that stem from sloppy writing. They have crossed the chasm, switching from one extreme to the other.
After shitting out the unexpected MiB, the Mom comments that she only had “one name” and yeah, we never get MiB’s true name. It’s amazing that with all the awful demystification we’re given in this episode, we can’t get the guy’s lame fucking name.
Amazing! That’s the one detail they skimp on.
At some point in the episode the Step-Mom from Juno takes Smokey and Jacob to the Glowing Vagina at the center of the Island. This is what they’ve been protecting the entire time.
I thought the entire point of the Island was to prevent evil from getting out. And now it’s to prevent people from taking the light? As well, what the fuck is this, the Lion King? I mean, there’s some “light” inside of every single human being? Jesus fucking Christ, what is happening to this show? This sort of drippy, tear-soaked dogshit love bullcrap that I can’t even conceive of someone writing. Let alone Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, who have ushered me through some of my favorite television ever.
MiB decides he’s not cool anymore and he wants to leave the Island. Now we know he’s been a whiny bitch since forever, but that’s okay because Jacob is a weepy Momma’s boy. He goes to live with the people on the Island, and they figure a way to get off of the Island. Somehow it has to do with electromagnetic currents and shit. And then the show really just begins fucking farting and shitting inside of its underwear. Oh my God Jesus fucking Lord help me.
The annoying bitch Mom goes down and we see MiB making the fucking donkey wheel. The fucking donkey wheel. Ready for this? Somehow, the fucking PRIMITIVES on the Island, have figured out that like, there’s light or something.
How much do you need to know about LOST to feel fulfilled? I ask you this question. Tomorrow night we’re getting an episode tots dedicated to Jacob and MiB, and I’m worried. Why? I’m worried because I don’t need to know their entire backstory. I really don’t. In fact, I think I would prefer if they left parts of it in the dark. Seriously.
I don’t need to know about the midichlorians.
Listen, I’m totally cool if we’re given an episode where we see Jacob and Smokey’s intellectual duel throughout the decades. Centuries even. They’ve shown in the teasers what appears to be little Jacob and MiB running around all snotty-nosed and covered in grime. And that’s cool.
But there’s a difference between demystifying a character and showing character interactions, you know? I don’t need to know specifically how long MiB and Jacob have been on the Island. I don’t even need to know literally what Smokey is, or how he got there. I don’t know, am I the only one?
I don’t need to know about the midichlorians.
I’ll give the writers some credit. They’ve pulled off two enormous reveals to my satisfaction. They’ve told me what Smokey was, and what the purpose of the Island is, and I’ve loved both of those reveals. So why am I being so pessimistic? Perhaps I’d love the backstory between the two of them.
I really could.
But I don’t know, something about having to put the pieces together myself seems more interesting. LOST has always straddled the line, or uh, is it lines between a) telling us nothing b) telling us too much c) telling us enough to figure it out ourselves. It’s like the television equivalent of the Four Corners or some shit.
But I don’t need to know how Smokey got to the Island, I don’t even need to know how many bodies he’s taken the form of, or if he was ever truly human. I say let that shit sulk in the dark, away complete exposition.
I don’t need to know about the midichlorians.
Where do you stand?
I can’t tell if I love Damon Lindelof, or if I find him incredibly smug and self-satisfied. I think it’s probably a little of both. So when he drops shit like:
If you’re expecting Lost to end with definitive answers think again. The Hollywood Reporter conducted an interview with Lost co-creator-showrunner Damon Lindelof, who revealed that the series finale will “end lost in a way that feels ‘Lost’-ian and fair and will generate a tremendous amount of theorizing.
I can’t tell if I love it, or if I’m annoyed. Lindelof, listen brother. I love you, I love LOST. But this season has been a Shit Hill with diamonds scattered amongst the partially digested corn kernels. So cut the shit, stop acting like you’re the man, and so help me, please don’t blow it. You have five episodes left.
I’m find with theorizing. I’m find with mysteries and unexplained phenomenology. See: Final Fantasy VII [prior to the movie], Battlestar Galactica, and The Beginning of The Cosmos.
What I’m not cool with is Transdimensional Love-Based Denouements, Sappy Heavy-Handed Exposition, and Kate, Sun, Jin, and Claire.
And David Shephard.
Alright, I really think that Flashforward is LOST for mouth-breathers. It’s as subtle as one of my classroom farts, and it has some awful acting.
It’s pretty fucking enjoyable. And not only does it have the requisite half-baked mushy science to back up its sci-fi, it’s got some amusing literary references too. Last week saw a reference to The Garden of Forking Paths, a well known short story. And it’s also Pepsibones’ manifesto. No, seriously. Ask him. It’s like, the progenitor of all the hypertextuality Pepsibones will babble about, and to see it referenced in Flashforward made my balls tingle a little bit.
It also doesn’t hurt that the guy who dropped the phrase, Dyson Frost, went under the alias of D. Gibbons, a nod to the penciler of Watchmen.
Flashforward is junk food, but it’s satisfying, and has references for nerds like me. Plus? No Kate. Or Sun. Or Jin. Or Transdimensional Love.