While I thought the movie Watchmen was a turd that seared my soul and crushed my dreams regarding an adaptation of one of my favorite comic books of all time, it did have one perk: blue dongs. Or specifically, Dr. Manhattan’s blue schlong.

Slashfilm:

Reddit does it again, using a screencapture of Google Trends to show the extreme rise in user searches for the term “blue dong” in the begining of 2009, around the time that Watchmen was released in theaters.

Naturally, people’s eyes were opened to the glory of blue dicks. Not blue as in priapatic, the blood flow cut-off. No elastic bands and cock rings. Legit blue cocks. What followed was a Blue Dick Search Term Explosion.

Enlarge.

Listen man! When I hit puberty while playing Star Fox 64, you know what the first thing I did was? I put the rumble pack right on my little barely-pubescent testicles and I felt the roar of stimulation. It just seemed so natural, you know? And keeping that in mind, I’ve been wondering where the fuck the Wiimote sex toys have been! Well god dammit, they’re finally here.

The world has become a better, more orgasmic place today.

Destructoid:

“The device is attached to the accessory port on a Nintendo  Wii  remote control,” explains manufacturer Mojowijo. “The control is then connected to a bluetooth enabled PC running Mojowijo software.

“Using Mojowijo’s patent pending  Motion2Vibration  technology, the device is able to transform the varying motions of the control into appropriate vibration signals and send them to another selected device – in the same room or over the internet. (Wii gaming console NOT required). Essentially turning your Wii remotes into shared, remote controlled vibrators (aka wii vibrator or wiibrator!).”

The central gimmick here is that you get to control another person’s vibrator as opposed to your own, which makes them masturbation devices for people who should just be having actual sex. Unless they’re miles apart, in which case these things work over Skype.

A good god damn! You don’t even need the Wii! Hell yeah! Welcome to the world of robotic-claw-testicle-genital-stimulation! In the future this is going to be so passe, but right now I want to you know, manipulate genitals over the internet using a Wiimote. You don’t?

Click this pig to enlarge. Artist Jock revealed today the cover to Daredevil: Reborn #1, and it’s a gorgeous son of a bitch. If you haven’t been following Daredevil, you’re a fool! And I’m not going to waste my time explaining to you why you are missing one of the best character arcs of the best ten years or so. Just fix it!

Get reading!

Hello. My name is Ian Drinkwater and I blog quite a lot. I churn out thousands of words a day. Sometimes I enjoy them. Sometimes I don’t. I meet deadlines and I churn out more. For fun. For non-profit. Mostly to share that which I dubeth dope. Interesting. Intriguing. It’s a hell of a universe out there. It’s a hell of planet right here.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.

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Yo! I know you’re sitting around wondering how you can define yourself through external expressive motions! How about by buying a really fucking expensive sweater, featuring Super Mario? Not sold, well how about if it’s through the website from the dude who created Earthbound?

Destructoid:

Shigesato Itoi, the man who created Earthbound, has an online store where he sells things that are rad. His store just released its “1st Season” catalog for 2010 and it features some really cool stuff. The most relevant to a gaming site is a really sweet wool sweater featuring Mario and Luigi.

The sweaters are 100 percent wool and made by hand. It’s all licensed and official too. Here’s the kicker, though: they cost ¥36,000 (US$435), and that isn’t even adding in whatever the shipping costs would be to get it out of Japan. I’m all for high fashion, but I’d rather just buy every Mario game ever and then find a Mario sticker and slap it on an old sweater.

Man, this shit ain’t for a nerd like me. For starters, I’m fucking poor. Also, I’m a man-child, which means within nine minutes of owning this sweater, it’d be covered in accidental salsa blasts and crumbs from a variety of things. But if you’re affluent, and chic, be a total douchebag and indulge in this sweater. Then send me pictures so I can simultaneously find you ridiculous/be fatally jealous of you.

[This! Is! Mad Men! recaps the newest developments of Don Draper and his ragtag group of cohorts. In the spirit of the show, it will often be sexist and drunk. Apologies ahead of time.]

I’m worried about Don Draper. He’s always bent the elbow liberally, but never before has alcohol been such a destructive force in his life. Sure, there’ve been plenty of drunks in Mad Men — Freddy Rumsen and Duck Philips spring to mind — but Don’s supposed to be the exception to the rule!

Isn’t he?

When we first learnt of Don’s exploits in season one, there was a certain charm to them. He drinks? He philanders? He steals identities? All right…That’s not too cool but I guess I can see where he’s coming from. He was sympathetic – coming from nothing, he sought solace in the pursuit of the American dream. And just like Gatsby and Willy Loman and Hunter S. Thompson, Don Draper found out the hard way that the dream is dead.

How do know that that Don Draper has hit rock bottom? He gave away his secret identity.

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In my sci-fi travels, I span the cosmos. Sometimes, I’m a near-omniscient hero named Totally Omniscient guy. And in those travels, in my mind, within my dreams, I can do totally cool stuff. Like give an entire nebula shaped like a rose to Mrs. Caffeine Powered. She fawns, and faints, and then gives me quite a pleasant kiss on the cheek.

Behold the Rosette Nebula:

io9:

The Rosette Nebula is located between 4,500 and 5,000 light-years away in the constellation of Monoceros, which translates to the Unicorn. The nebula’s less flowery name is NGC 2237, and it’s home to one of the brightest star clusters in the night sky. NASA explains:

At the center of the flower is a cluster of young stars called NGC 2244. The most massive stars produce huge amounts of ultraviolet radiation, and blow strong winds that erode away the nearby gas and dust, creating a large, central hole. The radiation also strips electrons from the surrounding hydrogen gas, ionizing it and creating what astronomers call an HII region.

A rose-shaped nebula? God damn. Pretty romantical, innit? We see what we want to see, us humans. And sometimes, nestled within something as pretty as the cosmos, we see roses.

Source: Merlyn_One / Enlarge.

As you may or may not know, yesterday was Read Comics In Public Day. It was a joyous day, filled with geeks strutting their geeky stuff in front of the masses. Mrs. Caffeine Power and I saw to it that we outed ourselves as geeks. Well, at least that she outed herself.

I was the big clunky kid wearing the Star Wars t-shirt, I don’t think I could have made it anymore obvious.

We kicked off the day by hitting up the fair streets of Salem, Massachusetts. And in a more rapturous moment, I finally, finally, finally found the first trade paperback of Jeff Lemire’s Sweet Tooth. It was at a comic book shop far from the confines of my regular Nerd Hovel that I frequent every Wednesday. After acquiring said trade paperback, we decided to nerd up a few spot locations throughout Salem. Basically, it’s just me looking stupid and the Future Wife looking beautiful and obliging to my nerd proclivities.

Hit the jump to see how dorky we are.

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