‘Animal Crossing: New Horizons’ had a better launch than any ‘Mario’ or ‘Zelda’ game ever and holy fuck
Holy shit, Animal Crossing: New Horizons had a better launch than any Mario or Zelda game. Ever. My word, you fuckers really like this franchise!
Man, it’s been a weird summer so far. Today marked the sixth, and final week of the summer class that I teach for incoming freshmen students. There’s just been something off since the get-go, and as its conclusion nears, a sense of confusion that it’s really ending, and a sense of relief that it’s really ending are both making themselves known. But it’s the end, the conclusion, the finale this week.
And for all my whimpering, simpering, and bitching, I only have to wear dress pants three more times until September.
And for all my whimpering, simpering, and bitching, I only have to work four days a week until September.
So here we are. Frazzled, and fried, but fairly grateful, all things considered.
This is Monday Morning Commute. The wank-off section, where we wank, and oh do we stroke, and rub, and perhaps even lick ourselves to the arts&farts we’re looking forward to on a given week. I’ll go first.
Then you go. Get excited. Don’t worry. Wet naps and warm towels will be dispensed per your request.
Nintendo. Enough. Just give us this new Zelda already. These trailers are too sexy, the wait has been too long. Give us. Give me!
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is shaping up to be a fucking stunning, gorgeous spectacle. I thought that before this 40 minutes of gameplay, and I doubly think it now.
Hey! Who needs a new Legend of Zelda game?! I mean, I would surely like one! But I’m not going to be getting it any time soon, it appears. Instead, Nintendo is offering me a futzing second Zelda HD Remake for the Wii U. Hard pass.
Sometimes it’s quite difficult to come up with amusing and witty quips for these intros. Well, it is if you’re me, anyway. So, in the absence of comedy and wit, here are some suggestions for amusing accents that you can use whilst you read this week’s Press Start in your head:
-Stoic Japanese Samurai
– Disgruntled Pierce Brosnan
– Aroused Patrick Stewart
Now, on with the video games.
You know how some people are still waiting for hoverboards? Well, in the same way I’m still waiting for Motoko Kusanagi-style cyborg shells. Not that I want to be a 400 pound metallic hottie, more that I just want a set of unstoppable bionic eyes that don’t crap out on me between my relentless cycle of monitors. Playing video games is tough. It burns. Join me…..