Vladimir Putin hires BOYZ II MEN to try and promote RUSSIAN BABY MAKING. I’m srs.

Boyz II Men. Making babies.

Vladimir Putin is smart. He knows that Russia’s declining birth rates could only be solved through the most austere of measures. That’s right, through the power of Boyz II Men’s melodious tunes upon a concert stage.

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Russian all-girl band PUSSY RIOT gets two years in prison for insulting Putin and church.

Every once in a while, even my ungrateful ass appreciates my country. Today is one of those days. It was pretty impressive how Vladimir Putin rigged last year’s elections, and even more impressive how no one around the US gave a shit. This? This is just scary. An all-girl band by the name of Pussy Riot has been sentenced to jail for talking shit about the Ruzzian czar in front of a church.

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Vladimir Putin: Russian Has Microwave Mind Control Zombie Gun. Oh Vladdy

Vladimir Putin isn’t fucking around. You can tell that the Lord Emperor of Russian (and tiger kung-fu dominator) takes the USSR’s loss of the Cold War with a particularly chaffed ass. That leads him to dropping little nougats every once in a while about Russian rockitude. Take for example, the microwave zombie gun.

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