#August2013

AMAZON developing ANDROID CONSOLE. MOAR CONSOLES ALWAYS.

SCREAMMM.

Errbuddy looking to get into that delicious gaming…game? If reports are to believed, Amazon is on their grind. Developing an Android console. Why not? I mean, it isn’t like we are saturated beyond belief in the gaming market. Does this interest your beautiful asses at all?

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OH SHII — ‘GRAND THEFT AUTO ONLINE’ REVEAL dropping AUG. 15

SNAP.

Oh snap! Grand Theft Auto Online is being revealed this Thursday, August 15! OhwaititsjusttheonlinecomponentGTAV? Eh. I am significantly less excited now. Just wait though. I’m bet I’m eating those words and barfing them all over my feet in three days. Would be par for Caff-Pow’s life course.

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UBISOFT: ‘ASSASSIN’S CREED’ has an END IN MIND, ME: LOL, K.

LOL OKAY.

Yeah, no way. Not buying this blathering from the Ubisoft Henchmen at all. They’re trying to convince me that Assassin’s Creed has an end to it. Mmmhmm. I’m willing to bet that end they envision has a very sinuous, unforgiving tie not to a story that they have in mind, but rather mad dollar bills that they are raking in. I’m sure Call of Duty and Madden have an end, too. So color me convinced that they don’t have some glorious end point in mind, but rather like the LOST writers will cobble something together in a manic, blood-soaked orgy of self-congratulation and panic at the last moment.

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‘DRAGON AGE: INQUISTION’ graces GAME INFORMER’S SEPTEMBER COVER.

Dragon Age - Inquisition.

We now know the September blowout contained within the pages of Game Informer. That shit is nothing other than Dragon Age: Inquisition. I’ve loved the first two installments of the franchise in differing degrees, and I’m sure I’ll love this one. What I want more than anything from this installment is a steady fucking aesthetic and game design that’ll persist. This third game seems to be yet another iteration of the franchise, changing up approaches from both the first and second titles. Aiight, cool. But let’s try and create one that’ll fucking stick. Define your universe, friends. Then own it.

Hit the jump for deets, as well as the cover.

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BLIZZARD’S ‘TITAN’ NO LONGER SUBSCRIPTION-BASED MMO. THEY ARE TAKING SUGGESTIONS AND HUGS.

SAD KEANU.

WELL THEN. It was announced sometime in the recent past (searchable, I’m sure) that Blizzard’s next titanic MMO Titan was going to be seeing a significant restructuring. Now it sounds a lot like the company has no fucking idea what they’re doing with the title, or what the fuck it looks like. Eh, who cares! We got Pandas and shit! NoseriouslythroughBlizzard I want a new MMO from you. Pretty please.

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CLIFF BLESZINSKI teases NEXT PROJECT with SOMETHING LIKE AN IMAGE.

Something-Something-Something.

DUDE HUGE has teased us with a glimpse at his NEXT FUCKING PROJECT. The image itself doesn’t really do anything for me. I imagine it doesn’t do much for anyone. However, what it represents is something special. It works deep into my testicles, tingling them and reminding them of a gaming world where HUGE DUDES canvassed the Earth. The gaming industry is much more lively when CliffyB is dropping games on our asses. In our asses. Everywhere.

Hit the jump for more info. Oh, and the image.

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OUCH: NINTENDO sold 160,000 WII U CONSOLES in THE WORLD last quarter.

Sad Miyamoto.

Buh-buh-buh, it’s a tablet as a controller! How can you peons not understand the irrefutable awesomeness that is an over-priced under-powered peripheral masquerading as a console? Fools! Invalids!

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Leak reinforces idea that NEW XBOX will be always-connected. Bleh.

Rumor!

Last time I posted about the possibility that the new Xbox will be always-on, more than one person pointed out what a dangerous roll of the dice this would be. You know, always-on games and always-on consoles are two beasts. How many people would Microsoft lose out on, from this policy alone? And what would the risks be? Look at the fucking SimCity debacle. So I was convinced that it probably wasn’t going to happen. Now? Now I am not so sure.

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NAUGHTY DOG Co-Founder Jason Rubin Becomes THQ’s President. Thankless Job?

You can’t seemingly go a week without hearing about THQ being in the muck. Sure it isn’t as dire as d-bag extraordinaire Curt Schilling’s 38 Studios, but running the joint seems a thankless job. New president and Naughty Dog co-founder Jason Rubin is going to hope that isn’t the case.

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Watch: ‘DEAD SPACE GRAPHIC NOVEL SHORT’ Is Beautiful, Seems To Confirm My Nightmare

I really want to enjoy this Dead Space Graphic Novel Short  or whatever, but I can’t get over the hump. This hump, this spiked and cumbersome hump is what appears to be confirmation of Dead Space 3’s  co-op mode. Oh Gods, so unnecessary.

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