#June2021

Monday Morning Commute: Worshipping The Gold-Plated Dragon

mmc worshipping

What’s up, my dudes? I know I’m tardy again with this column, but fucking take what you get! AreĀ you the one writing it? AreĀ you the one staring blankly at the screen contemplating time, space, societal collapse, and booty? No! So, judge not. Or fucking judge, who gives a shit. Now we can get into this shit with my defensive posturing out of the way!

It’s hot as balls this week, and I’m both physically sweating due to the weather and existentially sweating due to my summer class starting next week. I fucking simply ain’t sweating teaching remotely once again, but I take solace in knowing it’s the final semester of it for me.

But I ain’t completely adrift in the muck-riddled malaise! Nah! Nope! I’m currently anticipating, enjoying, and furiously masturbating to. Just really cranking on it, dry style, blisters forming, as I foam at the mouth with bug-eyed intensity.

Anyways! This here is MMC but more like a WAC but what can you do!

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Dude gets infected with Ebola from phone he stole. Karmic counterpunch!

I always read stories like this, and I’m like, man. I need to stop licking the doorknobs at restaurants just to get my jollies. Who the hell knows what is lurking on the objects we fondle daily.

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