#April2021

Weekend Open Bar: The Super Covid Serum!

wb the super covid serum

It’s official, comrades. Members of the Space-Ship Omega. The COVID-19 vaccine is currently coursing through my veins. Building antibodies. Shuffling me towards a day when I may return to the movies, watch sports with friends, and attend concerts. Build, antibodies! Build! Swell up, teach my body how to karate-chop this fucking virus. Missile dropkick the son of a bitch! Get big, get strong, get ready for me. ‘Cause Imma put your serum-ass to the test in three weeks or so.

Read the rest of this entry »

Monday Morning Commute: Firestarting Springbreak!

Monday is over for me, motherfuckers! The ring light has been stuffed under my computer desk. The laptop that I use to do remote work has been shuddered. Most importantly, a glorious Mountain Dew Zero Sugar Major Melon has been cracked open. Monday is over for me, indeed! I mean, I’ve drank about seven of them today, but caffeine has a more congratulatory pop when it’s ingested during the off-hours.

But, this Monday being over is more glorious than any run of the mill Monday. You see, Spring Break is next week! Which means I’m one step closer to shutting down the ring light for like¬†seven fucking days, playing a shit ton of video games, and generally relaxing. Four fucking days to go!

Mamma mia, I simply cannot fucking wait for this upcoming Siesta.

But, being a lazy piece of shit ain’t that only thing I’m sweating this week. Nope! Folks, I got all sorts of shit on my pop cultural plate this week!¬† Delicious morsels of cultural caloric bliss that I’m more than eager to stuff into my brain-mouth! While mixing metaphors, analogies, and all of that other shit!

In fact, guess what? I’m going to fucking tell you what I’m gorging on this week. In fact, guess what? You’re going to join me in the comments after I’m done.

After all, that’s the entire goddam function of this column! This MMC. This Monday Morning Commute!

Read the rest of this entry »

Weekend Open Bar: One-Year Strong!

wob - one year strong!

March 5. It’s officially been one year. One year since I went to my last movie, one year since I went to a fitness class, more than one year since I’ve seen a cadre of my friends. I’m trying not to hyper-fixate on all I’ve lost in these Fallen Times, especially since I’ve gotten off relatively light. You know? Like, on one hand, it’s only a year of my life. But on the other hand, it’s an entire year of parties, trips to the movies, and watching sports with friends. Considering that nothing’s promised in life, particularly your persistent existence, it’s a bit of a heavy bummer.

Blessedly, the vaccine gets closer and closer to my arm, even as my anxiety has me spiraling further and further from a comfortable existence. The dichotomy between the intellectual realization that the End of coming, and really the fractures in my battered psyche deepening is really a case study waiting to happen. S

That said, what can you do, you know? Just persist. Find joy in the small things. Eat pizza, watch horror movies, look forward to the seemingly-receding but literally-approaching day when I’ll be vaccinated and sitting in a restaurant with sSam. Or in Rendar’s backyard for a BBQ with shared comrades. It’s the only choice, and when you evaluate it, it seems a solid one.

Anyways, so that’s where I’m at emotionally. Why not keep your maudlin Captain company this weekend? Here, at the Open Bar! Physically distant, but emotionally resonant hanging!

What are you up to this weekend, friends? Let’s spend some ttime.