Scientist-Wizards have observed the biggest supernova ever. The motherfucker was found to be “releasing twice as much energy as any other stellar explosion observed to date, occurred about 4.6 billion light years from Earth” in a rather small galaxy. Don’t judge a goddamn star by its galaxy, I guess. None the less, insane. Rad.
Oh, hell yeah. Jupiter’s moon Europa? That motherfucker? It’s got actual water geysers. Confirmed. It had been suspected, but now we know. And, fuck, let’s get out there ASAP.
News! Big news! Aliens, it’s gotta be aliens, right? Oh man! Exciting. Sort of. Until you realize we’re destroying ourselves at a fantastic rate, and even getting *out* of this solar system is nearly impossible for us. Man. Really brought down the vibe in here. But, but still, I’m excited.
Pluto, the Dwarf Planet, is stunting on all of us. Blowing our fucking minds, making us feel guilty for dubbing it a Non-Planet. Why, this fucking (non-)Planet likely has a hidden liquid ocean.
It seems fitting that NASA is testing a Flying Saucer in hope it can help us get to Mars. Those fucking Illuminati-Martians have been rolling up on yokels in the middle of the night for half a century, abducting them to work on their terraforming projects. So when we finally take the fight to them, it makes sense we will be doing it in a vehicle not unlike their own.
Sun’s all like. Bro. Your dumb shit blog is dominated by the Electronic Entertainment Expo news. Dumb shit blog. Dumb event. You want news, bro? *Clenches Sun Abdomen and uncorks giant Sun Fart aka Solar Flare* There’s your news.
So like, bummer. NASA has issued forth a report that finds that the agency cannot afford manned missions to Mars. Inflation and all that happy horseshit precludes the Great Journey. But they ain’t giving up, instead asking the U.S. government to up said budget. C’mon, Uncle Sam. Hook it the fuck up.
Fuckin’ astronomers DON’T KNOW SHIT. But don’t tell them that. Oh, no! One minute they’re decrying my idea that Mars is secretly terraformed, and the Bill Gates-led Illuminati is living on it. LIKE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING. The next minute the fucking ding dongs are announcing that they’ve discovered a Mega Earth. Which shouldn’t exist. according to previously understood Astrono-Theory.
Tired of Star Wars news? Agitated over the Edgar Wright departure? Here’s some perspective, friends. A goddamn gorgeous picture of four fucking galaxy clusters smashing into one another. Remember, we ain’t shit! So, yeah, that pop culture headache really don’t matter in the long run.
Elon Musk has revealed SpaceX’s first manned spacecraft, the Dragon V2. The motherfucker is designed to carry up to seven astronauts to the International Space Station, and hopes to be doing so by 2017.