#April2020
Scientists have observed the biggest supernova ever detected. Space simply does not fuck around!
Scientist-Wizards have observed the biggest supernova ever. The motherfucker was found to be “releasing twice as much energy as any other stellar explosion observed to date, occurred about 4.6 billion light years from Earth” in a rather small galaxy. Don’t judge a goddamn star by its galaxy, I guess. None the less, insane. Rad.
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Confirmed: Jupiter’s moon Europa has water geysers. Fucking WATER GEYSERS, friends!
Oh, hell yeah. Jupiter’s moon Europa? That motherfucker? It’s got actual water geysers. Confirmed. It had been suspected, but now we know. And, fuck, let’s get out there ASAP.
NASA Announcing A “Discovery Beyond Our Solar System” Tomorrow
News! Big news! Aliens, it’s gotta be aliens, right? Oh man! Exciting. Sort of. Until you realize we’re destroying ourselves at a fantastic rate, and even getting *out* of this solar system is nearly impossible for us. Man. Really brought down the vibe in here. But, but still, I’m excited.
Pluto likely has a Hidden Liquid Ocean
Pluto, the Dwarf Planet, is stunting on all of us. Blowing our fucking minds, making us feel guilty for dubbing it a Non-Planet. Why, this fucking (non-)Planet likely has a hidden liquid ocean.
NASA tests Flying Saucer, it’s totally a success
It seems fitting that NASA is testing a Flying Saucer in hope it can help us get to Mars. Those fucking Illuminati-Martians have been rolling up on yokels in the middle of the night for half a century, abducting them to work on their terraforming projects. So when we finally take the fight to them, it makes sense we will be doing it in a vehicle not unlike their own.
Sun moodily issued forth GIANT SOLAR FLARES this morning
Sun’s all like. Bro. Your dumb shit blog is dominated by the Electronic Entertainment Expo news. Dumb shit blog. Dumb event. You want news, bro? *Clenches Sun Abdomen and uncorks giant Sun Fart aka Solar Flare* There’s your news.
Report: NASA totally *can’t afford* manned missions to Mars
So like, bummer. NASA has issued forth a report that finds that the agency cannot afford manned missions to Mars. Inflation and all that happy horseshit precludes the Great Journey. But they ain’t giving up, instead asking the U.S. government to up said budget. C’mon, Uncle Sam. Hook it the fuck up.
Astronomers discover “MEGA EARTH” which SHOULDN’T EXIST
Fuckin’ astronomers DON’T KNOW SHIT. But don’t tell them that. Oh, no! One minute they’re decrying my idea that Mars is secretly terraformed, and the Bill Gates-led Illuminati is living on it. LIKE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING. The next minute the fucking ding dongs are announcing that they’ve discovered a Mega Earth. Which shouldn’t exist. according to previously understood Astrono-Theory.
Here’s FOUR GALAXY CLUSTERS getting their SMASH ON
Tired of Star Wars news? Agitated over the Edgar Wright departure? Here’s some perspective, friends. A goddamn gorgeous picture of four fucking galaxy clusters smashing into one another. Remember, we ain’t shit! So, yeah, that pop culture headache really don’t matter in the long run.
SpaceX reveals their “DRAGON V2” spacecraft. Astronaut Ferry A-Go-Go!
Elon Musk has revealed SpaceX’s first manned spacecraft, the Dragon V2. The motherfucker is designed to carry up to seven astronauts to the International Space Station, and hopes to be doing so by 2017.
